Unsent messages to FINN

please give me something because I try so hard not to think of u but ur so fucking perfect and I know I could make u happy if u would just let me.

do you really want to let me go and to just be done with this? you never seemed like the type to settle

You broke the one thing i didnt want anyone to have, my heart. You took it and stepped on it over and over again, yet i still find myself wanting to go back to you.

I will never forgive myself for cheating on you. I had expectations that can only be described as toxic, and I left a stain on our relationship that will never go away.

When you promised the world to me, I believed it. And now I don’t even believe those memories anymore.

I’m so heartbroken. And I wish I could scream at you and cry but really I know you didn’t do anything wrong. This was all on me.

im sorry for not texting you, im sorry for ignoring you. as my first boyfriend texting you was honestly scary for me. even if i didnt text you, you would still go on and keep on trying, i love that about you, you never give up. but i just had to ruin it. im suprised you didnt break up with me. im sorry if i hurt your feelings and im so sorry for not replying, maybe if i did we would've gotten somewhere. i know its too late now that youve realised your asexual but thank you for trying, you were the best first boyfriend anyone couldve asked for and i wish an amazing future.

love, rhea.

back here asf i’m. rghrhrhrhgh.,.,,..,,you’re my everything. you’re my will to live. you motivate me to do the things i do. you’re the reason i get out of bed. i just. ughhrgjrgh i hope you’re happy!!! i hope you’re okay and. i hope you stay with him. i hope he makes you as happy as humanly possible. i hope he’s everything you want and need and love.

I’m back again. I’m not even sure why. It’s not like you’ll ever see this... Come to think of it that’s probably the reason why I do keep coming back. To say all the things I’ll never be able to say to your face. I’m not even quite sure what it is I feel about you anymore. I still like you, so so much. But I’m not quite sure how much of that is based on the present and how much is based on memories. Our memories. Why did I let you fall out of whatever it was that you felt for me? I suppose I can’t really blame myself. I was too oblivious, too self conscious to ever see that you liked me back. Even though when I look back now it’s so painfully obvious. We both were. And now... nothing. I haven’t heard from you in about two weeks now. I haven’t really heard from you in about six months. Actually heard how you’re doing. Not just some dumb conversation about a topic that I don’t think either of us really care about, but just both needed to find an excuse to talk. I would go to the ends of the earth for you if you asked me to. I truly care about you so much that I don’t even understand it myself. I don’t know what it was about you that day we were sitting in class, just like every other day, where it clicked with me that you were my person. But ever since that day I have tore myself apart over you. Every single day, without fail, I think about you. I think maybe I could’ve done that thing differently, or I think about why you looked at me like that the other day. Because in my head, every single thing you do or say around me means something. I analyze every single piece of information. Maybe that sounds a little creepy. Probably a lot creepy. That’s just the way I’ve come to be. And throughout it all, that tiny little piece of hope has still managed to hang on, that keeps me wondering “what if he is doing the exact same thing? what if he feels the exact same?” If you were to let the realist in me answer that question - it would be a resounding “he’s not.” I just so miss you. I miss us. You made everyday life that would otherwise seem so boring and repetitive, exciting and something to look forward to. And I still hope that for a little amount of time I did the same for you. I made this box red again, like the last one. I guess I just associate you with the colour. It reminds me of a band you introduced me to. Well, not so much introduced me to as made me aware of them. Thanks for that, by the way.

not my first love. u are one tho. let's be secretly in love forever (just kidding. i think you're moving on)

this was our color lol i still think about you all the time which is insane after all the horrible things you did to me... i will never understand why you said the things you did when i went looking for an apology after so many years apart... i hope one day you can stop lying to the people you claim to love so much

I actually do really like you I think something would've happened if it was a different timing. I'm sorry

ah i feel dumb coming here of all places. you’ll never see this and that’s okay. i know we’d never end up together. i know you’ve found your person. but you’re mine. you’re my favorite person. i think of you all the time in ways i never thought were possible. you’re the first constant i’ve ever had in my life. ever. you mean the world to me. i love that you’re happy, and i love that you’re in a healthy relationship. i just kinda wish it was with me. it’s selfish to think that, isn’t it. it’s okay. i’ll get over you someday.

I told you I liked your best friend, I thought you would show some kind of disappointment. But you didnt and now I’m sad..
I think I’m falling for you and not Alex...

It drives me absolutely mad that you continue to occupy a space in my heart. Your energy still flows within me, damnit.

Hey. I miss you a lot. It’s weird to say that, especially when for someone I claim to miss, I still see an awful lot of. But I miss the you that I knew, the way you used to treat me. You made me feel lovable, something I never thought I could be for anyone. You made me feel like I was different than everyone else in your life. Maybe I really was. But then again, maybe that’s just my mind letting itself get my hopes up again. It makes me angry that you never just told me straight what you were feeling. Not even angry with you, I don’t think I could ever feel that towards you. But just angry. Maybe I was partly to blame. I still am. I still like you so much, and yet instead of trying to make something of that, I’m sitting here, typing this, wondering why you haven’t texted me. Why haven’t you texted me? Did you get bored of me? Or did you just think that I wasn’t interested? Because if it’s the last one, I don’t think I could ever forgive myself for letting you think that I can bare a life that doesn’t have you in it. (Spoiler alert, I can’t.) All I ever do is replay our interactions in my head. Our “best moments”. I still remember so vividly the night you said that the dumb stuff I was ranting about didn’t matter, because I had you. I probably made a much bigger deal of that than what it was, but it still is the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me. No one has ever told me that before, actually. I’d like to think you still stand by that, even if we don’t talk everyday like you used to. I wish we did, though. More than anything. I wish I could bring myself to just text you. What have I got to lose? It’s not like it was ever a secret that I liked you. That’s even before that day they said it to you in class while we were talking. At the time, you just brushed it off and continued talking to me. And at the time, that made me so happy, that you didn’t immediately hate me. But now looking back I wonder if that was just your way of letting me down gently. “If I don’t acknowledge it, maybe she’ll get the hint.” It would’ve been so easy for you to just stop talking to me after that, though. And a little part of me still believes maybe the reason you didn’t is because, even if it was only for a short amount of time, you felt the same too. Anyways, this is getting a little lengthy. I could write pages and pages about everything I want to say to you. But saying it is a whole other story. So on the very unlikely chance that you see this, and probably even less likely chance you know it’s about you, text me. If you want. As long as we’re in eachother’s lives, as long as we see eachother in the halls and make that weird, two seconds of eye contact, I’ll wait for you. I’ll still hold on to that little bit of hope. I guess you could see that in two ways - pathetic or admirable. Probably a little bit of both.

hey. i didn’t think i loved u, but looking back i think it was love, just not in the way u hear abt it. i’m glad we happened, but a part of me always won’t be able to not feel immensely heavy when ur name is mentioned. idk if a still love u. it’s like the leftovers of love, gone but traces remaining. it’s confusing me. i want to move on. but who knows. maybe it just won’t be the same as it was with us.

i wish you'd like me the way i like you. i just want to give you everything. i want to make you feel your worth. you're so much more than you think. but it looks like i won't ever have the chance to. i hope whoever gets to be with you can show you the same that i would, but please don't leave me behind when you have someone. i still need you as my best friend

i think i’ll always be somewhat in love w u, i’m sorry i wasn’t ready when u were, and i’m sorry i didn’t tell u. i knew u needed a friend at that hard time in your life, rather than anything more. u texting me a picture of a hoe turned out to be one of the best days of my life thank u for everything you’ve done for me up to now. u saved my life countless times and i cant say thank u enough. i’m genuinely happy for you and her. i love you.

just because we don't text, doesn't mean i don't think of you. i will always think of you & wish you the best. i still check here to see if you've written anything for me to see. there is something so beautiful about this website just like the love we shared.

you taught me what love is. i didn’t eat and you made me a whole meal. you always make sure i’m okay and it makes me happy.

I cared so much about you Finn. Today, I don’t care anymore. I don’t give a fuck about you. Things will never be as they were. You’ve changed for the worse. You’re the asshole I thought you were. You’re not my problem anymore. Goodbye for good. :)

the only thing I can thank you for is teaching me how fast someone you thought you knew changed in front of your eyes, they say and make you wonder the unthinkable

funny how there are so many others who had finns as their first love, too. i still miss you everytime i see the emoji you sent every night

Sometimes I wish we never started dating. You hurt me so much. But I still miss you and I don’t know how to stop

all i know how to do is apologize and hope im able to sort my thoughts out eventually and i know this is something youve heard too much already but im sorry im sorry for september and im sorry for our anniversary and im sorry for not knowing what to do and im sorry for kissing you that night at the mu and im sorry for not telling you everything and im sorry for not loving you right and i love you but i dont know what to do and im sorry

i still love you so fuxking much but i dont know how to come back or if i should or if we really were bad for each other or if it was just bad for me or for you or if it we would even work together again or like fuck dude. this is all ive been able to think about for days

youre the only person whos ever wanted to touch me and youre the only person who i never pull away from

you don’t understand how perfect u are to me, and i promise you’ll feel the same for someone who sees it too

who said your first love had to be romantic. i fell for you, my best friend, but the friendship was more important

i want to thank you for making me happy i’ve never felt this way about someone before and i want you to know i love you i’ve never felt so comfortable around a boy before and no matter who weird our current situation is i believe in us and i love u forever ok xx

Why'd you left me so surprisedly? You were the best person that I could have ever met! I still love you

Hey,
I miss you. You don't even think about me, I know that. But I do everyday, since the day we met. I think I still love you.

Hey,
You don't know me but I just wanted to tell you that I fell for you in 2017 and it's now the end of 2020 and my crush for you hasn't stopped at all.
So just continue with what you're doing and I just want you to know that I am extremely proud of you:)

I didn’t break up because I didn’t love you anymore but because I had to develop myself. You’ll always have a special place in my heart.

Finn, I miss you so much. I’m not sure what happened with us but i miss you more than anything in the world.

9 months later i still can't bear the thought of you finally moving on to my friend after everything we had ur just gonna have it with her lol

not my first love LMAO but i miss u bro
we were best friends for 10 years and im sorry we drifted in high school. i'd do anything to go back to elementary school. hope ur doing good

we were only 6/7 but i remember us kissing in my room and playing kiss and chase in the playground i saw a recent photo of you and well your low key kinda hot now but anyways you were my first crush and i will never forget our friendship;)

6 years. I never had the courage to tell you because I found comfort in the uncertainty. There is no regret on my side but maybe things would have turned out differently if I had shared how I felt. I still want to thank you for being there and accompanying me or maybe it was just the idea of you. Nevertheless, you impacted me more than you will ever know, and I wish I would have told you what your presence meant to me.

you were my elementary school love. i'll always remember your neon Nike shirts and how you smelled like sweat (but i never minded).

i wish it didn't end the way it did but it did and thats just how things are meant to be i guess. but man, it was hella fun

it's just experimenting to you, but real feelings to me. i want you to have a better life than the shitty experiences you have told me in the past.

i ache for you and i cant seem to get over you no matter how hard i try. i just wish you missed me back.

this is the colour of your hoodie. you told me it was mine, but i never got to wear it... i still belive we can do this. do you?

I have never been in a relationship but I know this is the one. every night I imagine your body next to mine, the two of us cuddled together. you make me happy.

I asked one single question and it was what I was thinking. You got all angry and ended things. But I know my answer to my question from that.

you will never understand how much i'd like to be more than what we are. we make jokes i wish became a reality. i'm here for you

I can't believe you went back to her like I meant nothing to you, I don't think I can ever look at you the same

Your love was dark, black and dangerous. Yes it was painful but it was the happiest I had ever been. Thank you for changing me