Unsent messages to FARLEY

i wish that i could just hate you and have it be that easy. or to not think of you every day. lol.

We met in the most oddest of ways. I messed things up between us, I wasn't unsure what I wanted in my life but that I cheated bc I was ... Scared. I was unsure about myself. When coming to terms with me being trans a year and a half with ex relationship all I thought about was you. I thought about how sweet and kind you were, and everything I wanted but I didn't know what I wanted until it was gone. It had ultimately destroyed me. I cried that night you didn't want me around, and I understood. I see you are in a relationship now, and I'm happy for you that you have that person in your life but I wish it was me.

I'm sorry. I wish I can see you again.

Why did you leave me when I needed you the most? Why did you stop caring? Why was I never enough for you? I miss you more than you could ever know you’ll always have a place in my heart. You are perfect and you were perfect for me I’m so sorry that it was right person wrong time...I’m sorry for being too sad for you I’m sorry for struggling and taking it on you, you are my one love, when you told me I was the girl you wanted to stay in love with forever I felt like I was floating but now I’m just somebody to you, do you ever think of me like how I think of you? Do you miss me like how I miss you? It’s been 9 months now I hope you’re happy I really do, my heart aches for you, 5am phone calls and now I’m up at 5am getting high wondering where all the time has gone longing to have you in my arms again, you were never there for me you hurt me you lied to me you manipulated me and you broke my heart that last I had left of it.