I wish you actually loved me more than ı loved you. I will always cherish the moments we had together. Till this day one of the happiest day of my life was when we went on that cute date to kadiköy and that one time you were drying my hair with a towel was when ı was at my happiest. I loved you and maybe ı still do, it's hard to get over a girl like you. You were perfect your humour your intelligence your opinions and you... I miss hugging you. I still keep the drawing you did for me and ı will keep it. I am sorry the way ı acted when you wanted to break up everything went downhill from there and ı am still trying to pick myself up. I see your stories still, seeing you with others of course does crush my heart but seeing you happy there puts a little smile on my face. You said ı was the perfect boyfriend, you were the perfect girlfriend. I am writing this whilst listening to songs that remind me of you they remind me the days we started texting and how happy ı was. I believe that the feelings you had for me the things you said about me were true and the things ı told you about you were true. I loved every bit of you. You were my first love. If we were meant to be I am sure that our paths will cross each other and maybe then we would paint each others hair again. Ur little piss baby:)

hey bada - my study buddy, sister, and forever-friend. I just wanted to start out by saying thank you for everything. I hope you know that I wouldn't give up the memories we made for anything in the whole wide world. why don't we recap on that lol freshman year: man have we changed since then. I loved when our biggest problems were turning in our concept showcases on time LMAO. honestly I think god wanted our paths to cross so he could watch us as we tried to find our places during our first year of high school. when I think back to freshman year, the details fade away and all I can remember is how much we laughed. no matter what class we were in, we would talk and laugh until we couldn't breathe. as the year passed, we only grew closer. until summer came. as the weather became hotter, we drifter further and further away. at the time, I didn't understand why and looked forward to the start of school so that we could reconnect again. sophomore year: I walked into school the first day thinking that everything would be the same, a continuation of freshman year, and our relationship would pick up exactly where it left off. but you wanted to hang w a new crowd. I could tell that you wanted to walk with them to class and sit with them at lunch so I kept space between us. we didn't text either unless it was about school and thats when I put a wall up. I made an effort to make our conversations dry and avoid eye contact in the hallways because honestly, I was hurt and I didn't know how to tell you. I told myself that we didn't have to be friends and that you were leaving in a few months anyway, but that didn't stop me from feeling sad because I had lost one of my best friends. what's really funny is the person who I credit for bringing us back together. I remember this conversation so clearly it actually feels like it happened yesterday: you started talking about how you were looking for a guy and a brings up CHRIS. this random asian kid who neither of us had heard of until then ended up allowing us to get back in touch. I can't help but wonder if we were never meant to meet Chris and he was just this guy who served as a reason for us to hang out. even though Chris flaked, we got to talk about nEw things. I was so naive and when you finally opened up to me about smoking and drinking I was curious because I had never been exposed to that world. you introduced me to people I would have never talked to and soon enough I was hanging out with t and c. at the time life was good. the birth of CLAIRE also happened we can't forget about that haha. also, w SLC coming up we were looking for a FUN time and worked REALLY hard to get that bottle like sneaking out to c's house and getting nothing kinda made me wanna throw hands but its fine lol. but once we got to SLC everything kinda went downhill. GETTING CAUGHT in the room and having to be called up to the office was TERRIBLE. but thats not even the worst part :( when my parents told me they didn't want me hanging out with you anymore, it actually broke my heart into a million pieces. they could not understand that you were the one person who I wanted to talk to everything from school to that cute guy walking down the aisle at Albertsons to the amazing futures we had ahead of us. and im so so sorry for everything because I know how much this has hurt you. I hate having to sneak around to meet up and having to delete text messages after every conversation because you don't deserve any oft his. I want you to understand that you never did anything wrong and that you shouldn't feel bad for anything that we did together, because in the end it was truly my decision. but now we've made it to the end of the year. u've only been gone for a little while but I miss having you around. I miss the little things like the sound of your laughter and the way your short hair fell out of your ponytail so that everyone thought you were going for half up half down. I miss sitting at lunch by ourselves and always being roasted by Mr. Rash for being late to biomed. I miss seeing you in the hallway and always knowing that I can come talk to you ab anything. I miss you already, and I'll miss you when school starts again and you're not there to ask me ab my summer :( but I know we're gonna meet again in the future. whether it's in college, for our weddings, when we have our kids, or when we're old grandmas, I'm not sure. I can only hope that we can stay just as close with millions of miles in between us. I love you more than you will ever know and I wish you the best of luck in NC. im sure you'll meet the boy of your dreams and find an amazing group of friends who will take care of you and treat you the way you deserve. though I'm one to believe that people come into our lives just to leave and be replaced, you are someone who is irreplaceable and will always hold a special place in my heart. xoxo, c

i love you bada :(( how can i even move on