Unsent messages to ELIZABETH

Tell me things could have never worked. So I can let go of the hope. I can’t move on

I do love you. I just think you never did . tell me I am wrong

I wish I knew it would work out for sure. I feel like I gave up the best thing ever.

I really wish you would message me . I push away cause I’m scared I can’t say it but I want you

since you left every thought has been to get you back - I just you would reach - I need you to .

We won’t forget each other, right?

I love you too.

I love you too.

I felt something when we were working together. It felt calm and good, maybe you did too? I hope so.

I wish you knew how much i wanted you and how it should’ve been us.

It’s you.
I will always choose you.
I will never let you believe you’re alone.
I love you.

I love you. I will never forget you. I just wish none of this ever happened.

Our friendship was so toxic, but I miss you so much. Looking at all old college pics hurts

When I get good news you’re the first person I want to tell, I have to remind myself I can’t anymore

i miss you, why did you ghost me?
what could i have done better.

i was rly rooting for it to work out :c

i miss you so much it hurts

Is it possible to love someone but not like them?

i can tell you dont love me anymore

i dont understand why you are ignoring me

i just wish i'd realized you never loved me sooner

i wish u put me first like i do with you. you hurt me.

I cant believe i ever dated you. i wouldn’t even call it dating, i just felt pressured. Pressured not to hurt you, your such a dickhead and so was your best friend. I hope your a better person now.

a letter to myself: you’re hurting urself in indescribable ways. i can only sit back and watch you, it’s becoming irreversible, im so sorry. i don’t know what to do because idk what happened to you!!! you used to be so happy even with all that bullshit happening while you were growing up. now you’re not that person anymore and i can never imagine you being that person again. i’m sorry but maybe your purpose is to suffer in life because that is all that has happened for you.

You’re not my first love, but you were my best friend. You obviously don’t want me around anymore because like you said, your boyfriend is all you need, correct? You are toxic. I feel so sad every time that I am around you now. You are only there for me when times are convenient for you. I no longer want you to be in my life. You were a good friend at times, but you said some really shitty stuff to me that a true friend would not say.

you’re my bestfriend, what i would do without you i dont know because you are such an important person in my life i dont know what i did in life to deserve you but here you are like a fire lighting up my dark night

im sad that i dont feel bad about not having you in my life. maybe your roll in my life was complete and i dont need you in it anymore. not in a bad away but i still love your

I used to think that we were best friends, that we were always going to stay like that but its so hard being best friends with someone who doesnt care about my problems, everytime i tried to get help you acted like it was a fucking joke. i replaced you because i found someone new, someone that listens to my problems, someone that never gets annoyed by me, someone that gives me advice and knows what im going through. it hurt me like hell all those months that we werent together but I deserve someone who treats me good, im sorry. maybe in another life

I am not sure how to love you, every attempt pushes us further apart and all I can do is watch you drift away

i love you now and you loved me then, but i wasn’t ready to let anyone love me then and now you don’t love me anymore.

as much as I like you, this is all one sided. I’m having a tough time and I cannot focus on someone else’s problems. I want to let go of everyone because I know that they only look for me when they need something. I’m so tired. I’m drained. I feel used. And it hurts knowing that’s all I’ll ever be to you guys. Every single friend that I’ve had has only used me. I want to give up and leave. I don’t want this life if this is all I’ll ever be. I’m so tired.

I still think about you sometimes when I wake up, you remind me of the happy times. I’ll never regret you not when you showed me that there’s so much to live for.

Looking into your big brown eyes felt like heaven and kissing your big soft lips felt like electricity.
I want more.

I keep trying to find a relationship like the one we had. I’m so sorry and it’s too late to fix it. It’ll never be the same. I miss you all the time. I love you now and always.

we started at the same place, but nowadays it seems like you're drifting from me. i'm so desperately trying to hold on to you, to the nostalgia of my past, the memories we had together, but you're so different now. you don't have the same eyes anymore. you changed so much i don't recognize you anymore. where is the person who i once knew? i love you but this is getting hard for me.

i think i will always love u. and idk what the future holds. but if one day u were ready again, i would be ready too.

I still think about you, it’s so fucking cliche but you still invade my thoughts all the time. it’s been so long and i still go back to those long texts in my notes and remember the hurt. at least with the hurt you were still there. i hadn’t seen you in awhile and when I did it shocked me. we didn’t even say anything directly to each other really, just conversed with the people around us, pointedly ignoring each other, like we were strangers, like it had never happened and i almost wish that was the case. then i wouldn’t have this constant weight on my chest, this voice pleading in my head to just fucking get over it. it was so stupid how much that stupid fucking phrase hurt me, it was a weird stupid inside joke between us, “sorry for party rocking” a fucking lmfao song. we’d use it in place of all “sorries” and for some reason it was just so funny to us. i remember laughing with you until it hurt about that, a fucking lmfao song and all somebody said in that group one day was a “sorry” that vaguely followed the notes from the song and we looked at each other and sung it. so fucking stupid that that is what did it for me, what made me realized how much i missed you. a stupid fucking lmfao song.

I do hope you think of me once and awhile, but just so you remember that there are people out there who will treat you like you're the most important girl in the world. I wish you all the best, Liz.

Hola... Se que no leeran esto, en su vida se enteraran que lo escribí , tengo que soltar todo, me hicieron mucho daño, los amo con todo mi corazón, pero como decirles o más bien como hacerles entender todo lo que he sentido, todos creerian que esto es para algún amigo, novio, o algo por el estilo, no de mis padres
Se que no lo hicieron por hacerme sentir así, solo lo hicieron y ya
Pero por que no me pudieron comprender cuando les dije que sentía, por que solo dijieron que no les importaba si lloraba todas las noches que todo iba a dejar de ser como yo quería, solo necesitaba que me comprendieran, que me apoyaran al menos tantito, los llegue a odiar y a tener un gran resentimiento, pero no se preocupen esa etapa paso o al menos eso creo
Pero sigo sintiéndome la peor hija del mundo , sigo sintiendo que soy una persona dramática que no puede controlar ni un poco mis sentimientos,que soy alguien insuficiente,claro por eso estoy aquí, nunca terminaré de complacer los y dirán que lo importante es complacer me a mi, se equivocan, por que mi Estado emocional depende de todos y más de ustedes, por meses eh pensado en hacer muchas cosas de las que me podría arrepentir, ya sabrán que son, pero me importan los demás, no quiero ser egoísta como lo he sido la mayor parte de mi vida
Solo quiero dejar de sentir esto, que mi vida vuelva a se la misma que la de hace 3-4 años
Ya no quiero sufrir

I think about you a lot, even though I know you got together with a much better looking Spanish guy ...

i never liked you. i dont regret anything i did. i know you just wanted attention so there you go. go fix your insecurites and try again

I don’t really know if we are soulmates. I knew this was gonna happen so thank the lord I found someone else before it did

Ew says thank the lord ?

Where did you go? For a second, I thought you were mine, but in that same second, you vanished. I choke back my tears dreaming of you, like the vision you are. A vision of my first love. Beauty cannot describe the intensity of my love for you. It’s like you were never here, but you were. No one remembers like I do. I only hope to see the woman you grew up to be someday. You’re from my past, but will always remain present in my being. You plague my existence, Elizabeth, with your divinity. Please don’t let me forget. Oh my dear, beautiful Elizabeth, where did you go?

youre my happy place and everything feels okay with you , i love you so much and can’t wait to make you mines.

you've had the greatest most positive influence on me in my whole life not only as my best friend, as the loml, and genuinely my everything, i really am so grateful for you.

You’re so “bold”, right? So why are you acting like a child and not confronting me, miss “big and bad”?

sabes... sé que no te gusta ser cariñosa porque según tu eso te da cringe, pero creo que nada te cuesta decirme un te quiero al menos.

Siento que le unicx que está llevando esta relación soy yo, cada vez siento que nos alejamos más... y a este paso creo que solo lo dejare todo Eli, te amo, quería ir contigo a Italia sabes... ir a las librerías, comprar ese comic que tanto nos gusta... pero vaya, creo que nuestra promesa de hacer todo eso se va a romper pronto, porque yo ya no puedo soportarlo más, no me siento bien, mi corazón no se siente bien, y no es que no se sienta bien, simplemente ya no siente nada, intente dejarlo toda una vez, pero al parecer aun me querías... MIERDA ELI NO PUEDES SER SERIA UNA PUTA VEZ EN TU VIDA??''??, ESTOY DANDO LO MEJOR DE MI PARA QUE NUESTRA RELACION FUNCIONE, PERO TU HACES LAS COSAS TAN DIFICILES, NO TE QUIERO DEJAR PORQ SE QUE ERES UNA PERSONA TAN INESTABLE, PERO... siquiera te importaría si yo me voy? cuando no te mando mensajes es porque quiero ver si tú lo harás primero... y vaya al final si lo haces, pero después de 23 horas de haber pasado nuestra última conversación, mientras escribo esto pienso en mandarte un mensaje para terminar todo lo nuestro, pero sabes que es lo peor?? que yo en verdad sufriría por eso, porque te amo, pero no creo que tú me ames a mi... bueno, al menos no lo demuestras y eso me hace... agh sabes que''?? eso es todo, pero si sigues así... jaja que importa, al final creo que te importo una mierda, jodete Eli, en verdad jodete, odio amarte tanto maldito pedazo de mierda

I always fuck up when we talk because I realize and, well I’ve known you the one ex I still haven’t gotten over.

it has been almost 4 years since we met and parted, but when you gave me that butterfinger and knew i loved them i told myself "this is the smartest girl i know"...let's just say i fell in love and we will probably never meet again but i hope you know that your cute pale freckled face, blue eyes, light blonde hair and your laugh all made me love you even more. i really hope we get to meet again, and heck ill wear a skirt for you again xD

hi lizzie it’s me again. i miss you so much, i keep trying but you never contact me. i keep waiting for the “i forgive you text”. i’m listening to hollywood by lewis capaldi and remembering the day before my surgery, where we went on a drive and sang that in the car, and you said i sounded good. i love you forever and a day.