Unsent messages to ELIZA

To my golden syrup bday Twinnie, I don’t know what else to say to u other than I love u. We have been friends for 6 years now and I honestly wouldn’t be alive if it wasn’t for u. I’ve been in a few dark places and you’ve always brought me out again and helped teach me to love myself. We have the best jokes together, I’m always happy when I’m around u and if I’m ever sad I know I can talk to u without u judging. Thank u for listening to all of my petty issues and giving me advice for all the numerous arguments I’ve gotten into but for also having my back and sticking up for me when other ppl didn’t. U are so so talented and smart I’m very jealous of ur ability to be academic and also amazing at dance and art. Stop doubting yourself bc u are so funny and kind and extremely beautiful. Anyone is lucky to be friends with u so never stop being u. U can always talk to me abt anything I will never judge u I would hate to see anything happen to u bc u mean the world to me.

I'd give anything to be falling asleep in your arms. No one has the right to do this to me. I love you so much ?

you hurt me so much. you used me. i was 11. you manipulated me into thinking all that stuff was ok you incoraged me to have and eating dissorder and self you made it seem normal you made me feel special for being ill like it was our own special world i everyone one was against us. you were 16. and you used me. i understand that you were sick too but that doesnt make it right and that trama has ruined my life i cant go out with out having panic attacks i am working so hard to overcome depression and an eating dissorder and its your fault i trusted you and you manipulated me and the worst part is you dont even know so i have make small talk with you at family events. Im told by my parents that there upset that me and you arent as close as we used to be, but it kills me everytime i see you cus i can tell your not eating i can see your slowing dying and it pains me not know how you are but i cant allow my self to get sucked into your world again especial after its taken me 5 years in therapy to begin to unpick the damage you have done. but in a weird way i still love you and i realy hope you are getting the help you need

it's me again.
i just watched love simon, which makes me feel extra cool for writing this even though it's so stupid. i wish you could be the blue to my jacque. i think i liked that movie so much because it's everything that i wish we could be. or i guess that i could be. because i wish i could come out to my family and friends and the entire and school and have no one give a fuck. because i know if i did i'd lose almost everyone. but more importantly i wish you were in love with me as much as i am in love with you. when he was saying that thing about the ferris wheel, it's kind of like me and you. some days i'll feel like im on top of the world. those are the days when i have a conversation with you in school or get a text from you. but sometimes i'll overthink a conversation we had or something you said (or realize that you don't like me contradictory to my daydreams) and i'll feel like i'm at rock bottom. but the part where simon tells his friend about blue was just like me. i could, and do, talk about you for hours. i love telling my friends about the way you make me feel. but the kiss on the ferris wheel. AND OH MY GOSH THE KISS IN THE CAR. it hurt so bad. you have no idea how badly i wish that was us. i miss you.

love,
me

i hate u. u made me feel like a worthless piece of shit and made me question if my life was worth living. i said i missed u, but u honestly put me through one of the darkest times in my life and u had no clue. it took me so long to recover and i regret saying i wanted to be friends again. im done acting nice just for the sake of it. i don't like u and i never will again.

i wish that things had turned out differently than planned but u changed. i miss u sometimes and i wonder if u miss me but i guess that answer will remain unknown.

when it gets late and im talking with my friends about love you're the one i talk about. when i see the stars you're one they remind me of. when i hear love songs you're the one i think of. and you have no clue how much i love you, but i know all too well how much you'll never feel the same way. you'll never pick me, but i'll always pick you first.
love,
me

i'm so in love with you. i have been for a while and it hurts so bad that you dont have a clue. and i know you dont feel the same way. but i wish you did so badly. i miss you so much. i think about you all the time. i just want to know if theres a chance that you think about me even half as much as i think about you. you probably dont know who sent this. or maybe i made it too obvious. or maybe youre reading this and youre not sure if this is about you. or maybe you dont even know about the unsent project. but i love you. every time a conversation ends i feel so empty without you. it just drives me crazy how you dont have a clue. if youre seeing this and you like me too address it to my first name and last initial. even if youre not sure if its about you. just try.
love,
me