Unsent messages to BRODIE

i love and hate you at the same time

you deserve better than her. trust me

im so sorry for making you wait, come back

I’m finally moving on from you after years of waiting. I know I deserve so much better than you.

Are you gay?

Sure

In another life, it will be you and I. I’ll spend this lifetime loving you from afar.

I love you. I want you and all of you forever.

I know we’ve both moved on but whenever I see you I wonder what could’ve been if I stayed that night

Even tho I don’t want to, I think I’ll always love you

I hear about you from other people. I’m really worried about you.

Please don’t leave me, please brodie.

I have to let you let me go

i hope u still think about me like how i think about you (i know you don’t)

thank you for teaching me that sometimes, if you don’t give it your all, love just fades

i love you so much, i hope you realize. it gets better

I know you don't want me and you wanna focus on your sports but i’ll wait we all have goals in life.

Im miss talking to your more than anything even if you don’t like me back i miss my friend.

We have outgrown eachother but i can’t let you go. i want something fresh and better

you make me smile and make my day brighter even if we only see each other in class

did i really deserve that?

You stood me up, that hurt, give me a break I’m done having a sore heart

i have never loved someone this much

i wake up hoping to get a message from you like everyday

Hi brodie i miss telling you all abt my day

i miss the love, but not the lies

i just want my perfect boy back.

Although you are my best friend, I have massive feelings for you

i wish we could have been more than just a summer fling. let's leave us on a nice note, okay? friends?

Sometimes I think about you and how you made me feel when you left and I hate you more than I ever loved you.

I feel like you are my first real crush I love you so much and I want you to always be happy And I remember in the beginning of the school year when you asked to play basketball with me and once I got home I couldn’t stop blushing at the thought of you

I walked in on the first day of school and I fell in love and then we got closer and I loved u even more then you dropped me

i hated who i was with you,, somehow you put me in a false state of happiness and when i left because of stress and discomfort i couldn't understand you made me feel shitty for it. i thought you were a good guy,, and so does everyone else !! i can't hate you because everyone loves you and it's fucking bullshit. what you did was wrong,, and what i did was wrong but everything is behind us and i'm glad i've moved on. in all honesty,, i really don't want to see you again but reality has other plans. so for the time being,, i'm gonna keep going. not because i'm afraid of you but because i am strong and i am not letting you control my life. if i could take back those 6 months... i would. i know this is petty for a high school relationship that ended ages ago but fuck me. we are so young and i wasted way too much time on you. so as my final goodbye i am sending whatever this is in hopes of letting it all go. i'm in charge of my life and i now and much closer to understanding myself as a person than i was before. and i did all that,, without you.

Although you never noticed, I really cared about you. And I always will. You’re the one my mind runs back to each time.

I feel like I can trust you, but I can't, and I know I can't. But somehow I always come back to you. You just understand me and you're the only person I can open up to.

Every time I think I’m okay I start thinking about what we could have been if you had just stayed and it ruins me.

i haven’t been the same since u left. it hurts so bad. i can’t sleep, i can barely breathe without u, but ik u can without me...

for nine years i loved u. now i’m blocked bcuz u couldn’t handle having feelings back. i’ll always love u

You loved me but as soon as i started loving you back u left and still treat me like i'm not here and i cry every night thinking about all the things we did, i gave up so much for u and u just droped me like i was nothing.

im so in love with you it hurts. it hurts more eveyday and i dont know what to do. i love you to the moon and back. ive really fallen in love with you so much its so painful.

you don't get to tell me you want me back. you hurt me too much. i cried too many fucking tears for you to try and crawl back

i dont know what this is-- or what we are. I dont know how you feel about me and i dont know how i feel about you. at least thats what i told you. But i just didnt want to get hurt again with a one letter response like 'k'. Truth is, i know exactly how i feel about you. the sound of your name can either make me smile or cry-- depending on the day. its come to the point where i get excited over a simple phone vibration in hopes that its you. I wont label this feeling as love or like-- both words can mean such deep things. Point is, the way i feel about you is what steers my emotions. I wake up every morning in hopes that you snap me or text me. You dont usually. you have once. that was a good day. but it was only once. I dont reply to anyone except you and when i see you ignoring me, it makes my heart ache. but i cant say or do anything about it because we arent anything-- not to you at least. I think...

there are days where i think i have a chance. there are times where i think that you'd actually choose me-- God forbid. But you're the pretty boy that every girl falls for. You're the tall, charming, soccer player everyone wants. And what am i? im just a girl. a girl whos gotten her heart broken by a boy she liked for three years. a girl who let this three year crush barrier down for the boy she met at a game. a game she loved. im just a girl who got lucky to coming close. Lies. i probably wasn't even close at all. i just convinced myself i was. but truly, i wasn't.

you know ive been left. you acted like you cared but probably didnt-- because if you did, you wouldn't have done it yourself. now here we are again, trying to get over something i got attached to. except the difference this time is that i want you to stay-- no matter what you put me through. I know one day, you'll find a girl who'll make you feel the way i feel about you-- and no matter now much it hurts me, i want to see it happen. I want to see you make each other happy; i want to see you happy. And even if im watching from the sidelines trying to withhold the tears of what we HAD, id rather do that then not experience it at all.

You're what gave me happiness when i had none. You're what gave me a sense of reassurement when i needed it. Im not letting that go. I suppose, along with the happiness and security, you can give me pain. After all, being able to see you happy is worth all of it.

I like to see you happy. I want to see you happy. And if that means you end up with someone else, then that's okay with me.

ps. this is the main color of your LED lights. It's my favorite but you never knew that. I don't think you really cared to know anyway

even if our love was fucked up and never meant to be, i still liked the time we had together. i miss it. but i could never go back to you after what happened. it’s almost been a year since we got together (before we broke up of course) so happy one year

i miss seeing you ride your skateboard around town and the nights when you were high off your ass. youre my favorite person always and forever. i wonder if you still listen to "that girl" by love sadkid. your hugs were something i always loved about you. you laugh, and your smile. i'll never forget you brodie. never. i love you always.

you tore out my heart and stomped on it. 10 months later and i'm still not over everything that happened between us. i feel like i'm not valid in feeling all these feelings, because we never even dated. i feel like i shouldn't be mad at you, because i guess you didn't do much wrong. but i still harbor so much resentment towards you. you have never regretted anything you did with me. you're so stubborn, and frustrating, because you will never ever ever take responsibility for anything that i felt/feel, and you will never acknowledge the extent of the pain you've caused me. and you shouldn't have to. but after hearing from me - and from c - about how i interpreted everything, i feel like you owed me some sort of explanation or clarification. was i so wrong to think that?? was i just so oblivious because i was hopelessly in love with you that i just missed the teeny fact that you wanted nothing to do with me? that's what it feels like now, and i'd give anything to go back in time and slap myself in the face. i know you don't regret anything, because i know you better than a lot of people. at least i thought i did. i just want you to know that i loved you, and i wanted more than anything to have you in my life, even though i realize you want the opposite with me.

but somehow, i know if you drove to my house right now, i'd forget it all and go right back to you. and i hate myself for it.

there is so many things I want to tell you but I can't because I know u are happy without me. Life has been hard without you, Ik we still talk sometimes but I miss everything.. I miss being yours and you being mine. I can tell you have moved on and im happy for you.. I hope find the one that makes you so so happy. yours,

Im listening to our song right now.. I wish I could be with you even if you dont want me ill still be here. I love you so so much

you broke me. how could you do that to me. how could you say all of those things to me and not mean any of them. you said you meant them, but if you did you wouldn’t have gone back to her. how could you have say you liked me more than anyone and go back to HER? do you have any idea what that did to me? brodie i cared about you more than anyone, i still do. you’ll always be the boy i think about when i think about my future with someone. you’ll be the boy i tell my kids about. you’ll be the boy i never forget. thank you for everything. you saved me whether you knew it or not you pulled me out of my lowest point and made me the happiest i’ve ever been. i never knew i could feel so cared about and appreciated. you were perfect to me and i don’t regret a single thing. but now you’re gonna go do the things we did together with her. and you’re sisters are gonna start to like her more. what happened to her being awkward? or her being annoying? all the things you complained about to me, yet you went back before you were even done with me. that hurts the most. you didn’t even have the respect to tell me about it. you said you wanted us to last and i believed you. i should’ve known things can’t just change that fast in 2 days. you’ve been talking for 2 months yet we only broke up a month ago. but it’s whatever. i appreciate our time together and all of our memories i just wish we had more. you’ve put me through so much pain but i’ll still defend you to my friends no matter what. i still think the best of you and i would go back to you in a heartbeat. but i hope you’re happier with her. all i ever wanted was for you to be happy. so thank you for everything and i hope we get another chance in the future. i miss you b❤️

I still look for you in everyone that I meet and maybe that’s why I’m still holding onto the thought of you coming back but I know you aren’t.