Unsent Messages

you tore out my heart and stomped on it. 10 months later and i'm still not over everything that happened between us. i feel like i'm not valid in feeling all these feelings, because we never even dated. i feel like i shouldn't be mad at you, because i guess you didn't do much wrong. but i still harbor so much resentment towards you. you have never regretted anything you did with me. you're so stubborn, and frustrating, because you will never ever ever take responsibility for anything that i felt/feel, and you will never acknowledge the extent of the pain you've caused me. and you shouldn't have to. but after hearing from me - and from c - about how i interpreted everything, i feel like you owed me some sort of explanation or clarification. was i so wrong to think that?? was i just so oblivious because i was hopelessly in love with you that i just missed the teeny fact that you wanted nothing to do with me? that's what it feels like now, and i'd give anything to go back in time and slap myself in the face. i know you don't regret anything, because i know you better than a lot of people. at least i thought i did. i just want you to know that i loved you, and i wanted more than anything to have you in my life, even though i realize you want the opposite with me.

but somehow, i know if you drove to my house right now, i'd forget it all and go right back to you. and i hate myself for it.