Unsent Messages

i dont know what this is-- or what we are. I dont know how you feel about me and i dont know how i feel about you. at least thats what i told you. But i just didnt want to get hurt again with a one letter response like 'k'. Truth is, i know exactly how i feel about you. the sound of your name can either make me smile or cry-- depending on the day. its come to the point where i get excited over a simple phone vibration in hopes that its you. I wont label this feeling as love or like-- both words can mean such deep things. Point is, the way i feel about you is what steers my emotions. I wake up every morning in hopes that you snap me or text me. You dont usually. you have once. that was a good day. but it was only once. I dont reply to anyone except you and when i see you ignoring me, it makes my heart ache. but i cant say or do anything about it because we arent anything-- not to you at least. I think...

there are days where i think i have a chance. there are times where i think that you'd actually choose me-- God forbid. But you're the pretty boy that every girl falls for. You're the tall, charming, soccer player everyone wants. And what am i? im just a girl. a girl whos gotten her heart broken by a boy she liked for three years. a girl who let this three year crush barrier down for the boy she met at a game. a game she loved. im just a girl who got lucky to coming close. Lies. i probably wasn't even close at all. i just convinced myself i was. but truly, i wasn't.

you know ive been left. you acted like you cared but probably didnt-- because if you did, you wouldn't have done it yourself. now here we are again, trying to get over something i got attached to. except the difference this time is that i want you to stay-- no matter what you put me through. I know one day, you'll find a girl who'll make you feel the way i feel about you-- and no matter now much it hurts me, i want to see it happen. I want to see you make each other happy; i want to see you happy. And even if im watching from the sidelines trying to withhold the tears of what we HAD, id rather do that then not experience it at all.

You're what gave me happiness when i had none. You're what gave me a sense of reassurement when i needed it. Im not letting that go. I suppose, along with the happiness and security, you can give me pain. After all, being able to see you happy is worth all of it.