Unsent messages to BRIANNA

Sometimes I sit and wonder why our friendship ended.

I’m not happier without you

I did not mean anything I said I’m sorry I’m still in love with you

I’m sorry about everything and I’m still so in love with you please text me

I wish you knew how much I love you.

you dont love me how i love you.

i keep dreaming of you

im sorry I wasn’t enough for you. maybe if i was better you’d still be my bestfriend.

Idk if ud like me more or less if we met again

I love you hubby I wish I could hold you in my arms irl

I wish we never stopped talking

I’m in love but you think of me as a brother

I wish i could’ve treated you better.

I wanted to be your boyfriend that’s why I came back.

You’re the best thing that happened to me

will you come back?

You make the sun shine on my darkest days

Wow so much to say right now. The situation was a lot but at the same time we were so young so I don't blame you for anything I have come to the conclusion to apologise as we were both in the wrong. I hope your doing well.

Reasons to live:
You haven't found the bubble bath that like explodes with bubbles as soon as you put a singular drop in the water

The day I welcomed you as my friend was the day the flowers wilted and the clouds wept. I haven't known peace since, laying awake at night wondering why I ever trusted you. You made me feel filthy, like a used sock. You made me feel overwhelmed; choking on air. Yet, I continued to let you read the pages of my book. I continued to let you do as you please so I would forgo questioning if I were crazy. I look back on our connection, no, connections with a bitter taste in my mouth; for you never cared for me as I cared for you. Instead pushing and pulling at all my buttons until finally I was through, where you proceeded to paint me as the villain to each and everyone I was surrounded by. I never owed it to you to let you read my writing journal, something I had well established was private. I never owed it to you to share my sexual history just because I told a stupid joke. I never owed it to you to share the depths of my uncertainty of my gender identity. I never owed it to you to enable your gross and fetishistic behaviours; and yet I would, for it was easier than having you pounce on me and tell me how heartless I was. I truly cannot recall anything positive about our friendship, lost amongst the memories of discomfort and pain. Please, seek help. Seek help for the obvious unresolved issues in your life, so that no one else will be subjected to the side of you I was.

i'm glad you found your place. never try and manifest him again. you had your chance and you lost it :) y'all were never meant to be. i'll be the one to marry him. side character ass bitch. fuck you.

you weren’t my first love, but you were my first girlfriend. i tried to find love for you in my heart but i couldn’t. i’m glad i didn’t though. you used me. you were clingy and cringey too.

i’ll still go through so much pain , just to make sure you’re the happiest . you deserve everything .

I’m sorry for everything. I needed you and to have you push me away hurt. Good luck with him I guess...

You hurt me in a lot of ways but you saved my life at one point. Thank you, my love for you is eternal

Our love wasn't romantic, but it surely was completely platonic, but y'know what? You suck ASS. I was too afraid to set boundaries for myself because I didn't want to make YOU upset. I tried so hard to make our friendship work because we had been friends for so long, but god, I realize now that it was never fucking worth it. When I texted you that Monday afternoon, I tried so hard to talk and understand you- and I did, but the way you acted made me feel like you were unapproachable- like I couldn't express my own feelings without upsetting YOU and not to mention you were being so immature. Not letting me "explain" myself to you, god.
I was stuck in a weird position because it was all about you.
But whatever, right? Here I am telling you how you made me feel because I don't care about upsetting you anymore. You made me feel like a piece of actual shit for wanting to hang out with other people. Like are you kidding?? It was our first year of high school and I wanted to meet new people. I wasn't trying to fucking leave you. "We want to hang out with our best friend but we can't because she's off with someone she met two weeks ago." THAT SOUNDS SO FUCKING RIDICULOUS AND YOU KNOW I'M RIGHT. I was just trying to finish my fucking homework IN THE LIBRARY with the "girl I met two weeks ago," because she just happens to also have work that she needed to finish. AND EVEN IF I WAS HANGING OUT WITH HER FOR WHATEVER REASON, WHO CARES?? The people you hung out with were RACIST LITTLE BOYS WHO USED THE NWORD DESPITE BEING NON-BLACK, LOL. I was UNCOMFORTABLE. Fuck, and even on the days I did hang out with you guys? I felt like I HAD to be there because I had to make it up to you somehow because I felt the need to make YOU feel better. But who cares about how I felt? God, my uncle and someone who I considered to be a grandparent died that year too, you fuck. It wasn't just you who was going through a rough time. Obviously, it's not a competition, but jesus christ. You didn't know a single thing that was going on in my life at the time and you certainly did not make it any better.

I wish you loved me as much as I do and show it. I feel useless while you are having fun, I just feel you don't need me anymore. You are the reason I'm here so if you don't need me anymore I'll leave. I love you so much.

i just read through all the old shit i wrote, firstly, idk why i did, reading it was embarrassing honestly, i don’t want to be an asshole at this point, i just want you to know that that was months ago and i just don’t feel that way anymore, believe what u will but i honestly want nothing to do with you, you always blame me for everything and i’m just done, please just stay away and forget i exist, like i’ve tried to do with you, i have simply lost all care towards whatever friendship we had. i’m done this time.

i don’t care what i said before i don’t feel that way anymore, in fact i feel quite the opposite, please leave me alone. i mean that this time. go away.

god I miss you so much....but it’s you who has to come back because you’re the one who left.
I hope you value me.

We have been getting closer, even though I told myself to stop getting attached to anyone, but you just can’t stay away from me, can you? It’s fine. I like u talking to me, it makes me feel not alone. When we laugh I try really hard not to enjoy that laughter to much Bc if I do I will fall in love with you, so that’s why I’m ignoring u. I’m sorry but I can’t loose anymore friends. I know it’s selfish but you should see that I’ve been abandoned a lot, and I mean a lot of ppl. Sometimes I wondered if I was the problem. But when I talk to you or even text all of that doesn’t matter. I don’t know how I see you as, a friend? A lover? Or maybe just a stranger. I don’t know. But don’t stop talking to me. deal?

why was i not good enough for you why did you have to go with her its been 2 years why are you still in my mind...

i hope you know i’m never gonna fall out of love with you. you are love of my life
always & forever

ive just been the same. i havent been treating you better. im a horrible person and i just dont know how to stop being this way.

I love you so much, you are my biggest inspiration to keep going and the overall light of my life. nothing would be possible without you. i love you.

i don't know how i feel about you. i love you, that's for sure. but what type of love i can't even figure out for myself.

You weren’t my “first love”. But maybe looking back you were the first girl I thought loved. I still dream about you. And maybe I’m not as over you as I thought I was.

After spending 5 years with you, I thought we could’ve finally meet as adults.. I’m sorry for tearing us apart

I don’t really care about you anymore lol. It sounds harsh but you caused me a lot of emotional distress and it’s not worth it to have an emotional attachment to you.

ok so i wanted to write it all so here we go.


when we stopped talking i shut everyone and everything out, i didn’t cry for months and i didn’t feel complete.

cheesy right?

but i honestly think i was so fucking heartbroken that i didn’t even comprehend that the most important person in my life left and didn’t want to talk to me because i told you not to.

i’m sorry, i always will be.

when i got with L i thought i would finally move on but she doesn’t compare to you, she called me boring, she doesn’t have as many similar interests, she doesn’t act the same way, she doesn’t fool around and make jokes with me, she doesn’t know dangerous fellows or nf or anything else i didn’t shut up about, conversations always felt forced with her, it felt like a chore.

she isn’t you.

and so ig i’m glad it ended with her bc it would’ve just dragged out for no reason.

when we wernt talking, i missed your cute sneeze, i missed your laughter, i missed you talking about bts members and their thighs and hands, i missed listening to music together, i missed goofing off in art class, i missed bothering sr.f, i missed being near you.

i missed you sm

but i never acknowledged it i just pushed it away and pretend i hated you bc that’s the best way to get rid of it all right?

and i had to push it away cause it’s not like i could talk about it, i would probably be called dramatic or be told i was obsessing over it, courtesy of my mother.

but in the end of it all i’m still sometimes upset we didn’t get where we wanted.

but idk if that’s even an option anymore, idk even know if it should be or if i should be even thinking about it but i am.

i just wish you knew how connected to you i feel.

like i get overly excited when you text.

maybe that’s not a good thing but ik it feels good to be happy so there’s that.

my feelings 4 u r vvvv complicated no doubt but it’s whatever

i think you’re amazing

i think you’re smart

i think you’re pretty

i think you’re kind

and i think you’re misunderstood but that’s ok cause i think we all are

but i don’t want to read it all wrong

i wanna know exactly how you feel ab me

whatever it may be

i wish we could have a heartfelt conversation about all this stupid lovey dovey shit, which we could but i’m a pussy so probs not.

so yeah, if u see this maybe text me, or don’t idk.

dong make fun of me pls


i love u

take that however you chose ig

goodnight

i’m so glad we are friends again, i’m sorry people treat you badly you deserve sm better and i’m genuinely sorry. i wish we fixed it all sooner but we are good now so that’s good. i wish we went to school the same days lol, i hope the friend group can hang out soon. uh yeah idk why i decided to do this but if u see it don’t make fun of me