Unsent Messages

Our love wasn't romantic, but it surely was completely platonic, but y'know what? You suck ASS. I was too afraid to set boundaries for myself because I didn't want to make YOU upset. I tried so hard to make our friendship work because we had been friends for so long, but god, I realize now that it was never fucking worth it. When I texted you that Monday afternoon, I tried so hard to talk and understand you- and I did, but the way you acted made me feel like you were unapproachable- like I couldn't express my own feelings without upsetting YOU and not to mention you were being so immature. Not letting me "explain" myself to you, god.
I was stuck in a weird position because it was all about you.
But whatever, right? Here I am telling you how you made me feel because I don't care about upsetting you anymore. You made me feel like a piece of actual shit for wanting to hang out with other people. Like are you kidding?? It was our first year of high school and I wanted to meet new people. I wasn't trying to fucking leave you. "We want to hang out with our best friend but we can't because she's off with someone she met two weeks ago." THAT SOUNDS SO FUCKING RIDICULOUS AND YOU KNOW I'M RIGHT. I was just trying to finish my fucking homework IN THE LIBRARY with the "girl I met two weeks ago," because she just happens to also have work that she needed to finish. AND EVEN IF I WAS HANGING OUT WITH HER FOR WHATEVER REASON, WHO CARES?? The people you hung out with were RACIST LITTLE BOYS WHO USED THE NWORD DESPITE BEING NON-BLACK, LOL. I was UNCOMFORTABLE. Fuck, and even on the days I did hang out with you guys? I felt like I HAD to be there because I had to make it up to you somehow because I felt the need to make YOU feel better. But who cares about how I felt? God, my uncle and someone who I considered to be a grandparent died that year too, you fuck. It wasn't just you who was going through a rough time. Obviously, it's not a competition, but jesus christ. You didn't know a single thing that was going on in my life at the time and you certainly did not make it any better.