i hate to admit that you were my first love. its been on and off for 3 years and you've hurt me in ways i didnt think were imagineable and i still cant recover. pls stop coming into my life again, you already know id come running back no matter how hard i try to resist. i need to move on but i cant

hey brendan(s), this most likely isn’t for you, unless it is then hello to my brendan. i just wanted to write this to let you know without actually letting you know that i think i’m finally over you. that sounded so dyslexic i’m sorry lmao. but anyways, i no longer smile at my screen when i see your name, i don’t make up scenarios in my head about you before i close my eyes, i don’t feel connected to you anymore. however, despite all of that, i still do miss you. if you decided you want me again then i’d jump off my feet to be with you again. you mean so much to me and you deserve the absolute best. you aren’t good for me though, i know that. talking about other girls to my bestfriend, lying to me about going out with your friends, and treating me with pure disrespect. i needed you so much during that time and you knew that. you knew what i was going through, you knew my fear of loosing those who i love, you knew about my struggles and depression that i tried to keep from you to make sure you’re happy. you left me. and i know it’s been over a month, but i still do love you. after the breakup, i had no one. i cried myself to sleep cuddling into the prize you won for me. but now i don’t feel anything. if i could make one thing come true, it would be to make us be like how we were before the romance. i have a letter for you in my notes if anything were to happen to me. i cried my eyes out writing that and the fact that it will just stay in my notes forever shows that you’ll forever be in my heart. your friend tried warning me about how you were, and despite me knowing him longer then i knew you, i didn’t take his advice and threw it all in his face. i will never forgive you for the things you have said that are straight up offensive. i genuinely tried looking past your homophobic self but it’s gotten too far. i thought you were someone else when we were dating. i don’t regret anything-but i do wish i could change it so there would be no hurt.

this message is all over the place. one minute i’m over you, the next minute i miss you then i’m annoyed. these are the stages of getting better maybe. anyways, that’s enough. i know you’ll never see this but i feel a bit lighter getting this off of my chest.

i do wish you you’re best, - e


i also chose the orange as a funny reminder to when i went to your house for the first time ?

I was young when I fell in love with you. Young and stupid and naive. The beginning was good, it was practically out of a movie. I don’t know when things changed for you. When you decided to break me and take something from me. You embedded a fear in me that I didn’t think I’d ever be able to shake. You cut me off from friends, from family, and from myself. You made me loose myself and I don’t remember the girl I was before you. I’m cold now. When I’m kissed on the forehead by someone who cares for me, I cringe. Not because I don’t love them, but because you made accepting touch as a love language nearly impossible. You’ve cause me indescribable pain, physically and emotionally. You’ve caused me to inflict that pain on myself for years. Then, despite the pain and the fear, I left. And while the pain remains, I’ve never felt more free. I can hug men and not want to cry. I can look people in the eyes again. I can stand up for myself. I’m finding myself again. You utter shattered me, into too many pieces to count. But I’m picking them up, and I’m putting myself back together. I hope you learn to treat people better. You don’t deserve love until you do.

i miss you a lot more than i should. its weird to sit here sometimes and talk to you knowing that we ended still loving each other. one day, i hope we are able to see if life crosses our paths once again with a romantic relationship. i still love you dork, even with your baby abs.

i hate that you’re always on my mind. you’re the only one i will ever truly want. and it’s so stupid, isn’t it? it’s been so long but the smallest things will make me ache because they remind me of you. i wish i could hate you. you made me feel like shit, you would talk shit about me when i wasn’t around, i became your last choice and all i ever did was love you. i feel sick every time i remember the way your hands felt in mine or the lightest trace of them on my waist. i sound delusional. i always tell myself there’s something wrong with me because of how much you engraved your stupid thinking into my brain. you told me you never thought i was pretty and that’s all i think about when i look in the mirror. and i want to say you’re shitty for that so, so bad, and i remember some of the other times where you smiled at me as if you might have actually liked me. but in the end it feels like you never did. i wish i never fell for you but it gets addicting remembering the way you make me feel. and it’s so pathetic. i wish i wasn’t this broken about it years later but you were the only person i ever had and ever will truly love. i know i’m over you. but i remember the billion different things you made me feel and it makes me so mad that you did all that and went on like nothing happened. but in the end i still hope you’re okay. i hope you’re happier. i think i am, not that you really care.

i wish you would have just let me love you instead of using me as a bandaid to cover up your brokenness.

im always so awkward around you and i hate that you know its bc i still like you

I wish you knew how much I liked you because we had interest in so much things.

You say it’s not my fault, but if it’s not my fault, then WHY ARE YOU PULLING AWAY FROM ME?

i wish i was a boy like you. i love you

I wish you knew how worthless you made me feel.

i miss you every day. 6 years and i dream about you still. i’d do anything to be near you again :(

hey i think you’re cute lets get married soon

come back. find me. i’ll be there.

I want you but can’t have you. I wonder if you feel the same way, and I wish youd give me a sign.

I want to come back but can’t because of what you said

Can’t believe you put 10 years of friendship down the drain all over text

‘cause i mean this more than words could ever say.

i’m wasting my time, aren’t i?

I think of u when I hear sleep forever. Why did you leave so coldly and disrespectfully

i think im getting over you, it's scary.

Why am I not enough for you

whenever you’re ready i’ll be here

i wish you would pick me over her

You’re so perfect can we just date already

How could all that time mean nothing to you?

I wish I told you I love you before you died

i can’t read you. r u embarrassed of me? why can’t u just say u like me?

I'm silver, but if you prefer gold that's okay.

you’re so cute i wish you were mine mine mine mine

I don’t care if it’s hard I want you and only you. Please come back to me I need you.

i wish we could’ve been something

sometimes u pop into my mind. I truly do wish u the best I hope u find ur happiness. I found mine.

i hope u will like me the way i like u

I love you still. I love you, your stupid hats, your weird run and everything. Once more, please.

I wish it was you

I wish I tried harder to keep you. Instead I was scared and let us go. I should of talked to you.

sometimes i wish we were still friends but you really hurt my feelings even if you didn’t mean to

it was the one thing i was scared you would do.

Why didn’t you fight for us? We could’ve made it work, enjoy college

i wished i gave you a chance before i broke up w you. maybe it couldve worked out. im sorry it didnt

do you know you’ve changed my soul completely? i still look for your baby blue eyes in a crowd.

you're my person and i know we'll find our way back to eachother, i love you

I sometimes wish we were more than friends,I think I’m in love with you..

You said maybe after the military but what am I supposed to do now that it's not an option

I still read our old messages. I miss you. I hate that I can't hate you.

I miss the walks we went on that winter, sleeping in my bed together. “friends” I wish it was more..

I'll always be around. When you come home, you know where to find me.

I miss you more than you’ll ever know

I miss you please come back baby I can’t do this I just need you in my life