Unsent messages to ALI

Hey. Call me. We fell off but I love you

i cared so much, im still here. give me a call?

I think it’s time I stop imagining us together in the future.

lowkey want u

if u see this u know exactly whose writing this to u. i'm sorry for everything that happened, anything i said or did was out of spite. i wanted to say that i never wanted to hurt you like i did... it eats me up. i also wanted to say i still think about u all the time. when i signed to a college all i could think about is how i wanted to see u smile and be proud of me because we talked about it so much. if u see this reach out to me ill answer

you broke me, you blamed me and lied about me to everyone. why? why’d you ruin my chance to live abroad? why’d you do what you did? you took my confidence away and now after almost two years your face and your touch still haunts me. panic attacks and nightmares every now and then
why’d you do that? I trusted you

Dear Ali,

I love you. I fucking love you. I always have. You are genuinely the best thing that has ever happened to me. Just one text from you makes my whole day better. I still get those stupid butterflies and that stupid smile when I hear your name. I denied it, tought it was gonna go away eventually. It hasn't. I actually love you more and more everyday. I wish i had the courage to just tell you all of this. Tell you how much you mean to me. How you make me feel. How much I think about you. How I would do absolutely anything for you. How I don't think I've ever loved anyone this much before. But I'm too stupid and young to know what love is right? And besides, it would ruin everything. I know you would never like me as more than just a friend. I was so stupid to belive, even for a second that you could. It was just a joke for you. It started off as a joke for me too. I hate you because of the way i feel about you. It eats me alive. I just want you to love me. I want you to look at me the way I look at you.

Also, I want to apologize. For everything. I'm stupid and I hurt people without wanting to. I don't know why I say the things I say. If I've ever made you feel even a little bit bad, i'm sorry.

I love u so much idk what it is about u and I’ve tried to hide it and not show it for so long but there’s something about u and ik u don’t wanna act on anything because of me being ur ex’s bestfriend but I hope u can atleast talk to me

thank you for keeping me happy. thank you for teaching me to be a better person. but we’re not good for eachother anymore.

ilysm you mean so much to me bro i wish you realized how much i care abt you. honestly i would do anything for you. just know that.

Ali, you had no right to decide for the both of us. I would've stayed behind for you and help you get better. It was cruel and I still love you. Now I am alone and every season keeps reminding me of you and the way you smelled.
Love, Buttons

You definitely won’t ever see this but I think you’re a nice person. You were out of my league. Thank you for letting me down gently.

i loved you and you hurt me, but I'll never hold it against you. we just weren't mean to be. thankyou for being my home.

I hate the fact that we ruined our friendship by dating, i miss u as my best friend but i know i shouldnt

I wish I could feel the happiness when we first met. I miss you so much baby please come back to me. I need you. Just let me hold you and forget everything around us.

im sorry that i couldn’t let you go, i was so toxic that i betrayed everyone around me... sorry that it was you, that i broke

When you told me you loved me, were you lying like the way you told me you weren’t just using me for my body?

hey, i saw you on the first day and thought damn he’s cute. i started liking you from then. but you forgot abt me

Why? fuck you, i loved you, and i hate myself for it. I would've done anything for you. i always thought i was your ride or die. i was so blinded from the small attention you would give me, even a "hi". WHY DID U USE ME? why?

i wish u knew how much i talked about to my friends.. im afraid u wont come back this time, really wish u do

i wish u still looked at me the same way u did first time me met:/ why cant i just have u, i love u with all my heart and would do anything to make u happy.

when you act like i was someone basic and usual even tho u know i was not,that shit really hurt me after every sentence i said to u thinking twice before saying it...but it doesnt matter cuz we both know that when u get drunk u talk your family issues with me instead of your ''crush'' and thats enough for me.you will never analyze my smile when i laugh like i do to yours but its okey.i will always lover my walls when ur around and thats okey too.i love the face u make when ur solving math questions to explain me the solution.i will miss our eye talks and i will miss the fact that the only person who understands me was you.i will always be there for you even you leave me because of my emotions.

I love you and i still do but sometimes you have no control over what you say and it always breaks my heart. I feel like you want to use me most of the time but you say you don't. When you say i love you my mind believes it but my heart doesn't. I always want to help you but i keep fucking everything up im so sorry.

i wish i could make it stop. i want to stop feeling like this. i need u to make the first move but ur not and idk if that means u dont feel the same or ur also too scared. idk what else i can do. every single thing i do i feel like i make it worse and worse. if only we could read each others minds. u would know how i feel w/o me having to tell u and i would know if it was time to let go or make a move. im just so tired and not mentally stable enough for the chase rn. just tell me, make a move. please.

Why cant i get u out of my head. im so tired of constantly checking my phone to see if u responded. ive never felt like this but its scary bc i feel like im the only one feeling it. i wish i could tell u but i cant. idek if im ready for a relationship how do they even work. but for u id do anything. ur so perfect in my eyes. ur eyes are beautiful. ur hair is so fluffy and perfect. u never fail to make me laugh. ur smile and ur laugh always makes me smile. i wish u just knew. i know that u would make me so happy but at the same time can i even trust u? this is all new to me and so scary. i wish i could tell u all this instead of sitting here hiding behind a screen. if i had the choice i would never leave ur side. i would never get bored. i want to sleep by ur side bc i always feel safe when im w u. i just wish u knew.

I used to hate you for teasing me and now I’d do anything to hear you again...wondering if you still miss me

you made me feel like i was just another girl to you, not your girl. i wish you weren't my first love.

i don't think you understand how much i want this to work. i've never felt this strongly about anything and i wish i could tell you.

I thought you were the one & we were going to fight for each other. It still hurts that you didn't fight.

i hate you so much. You hurt me over and over again. I want to let you go so badly but can’t get myself to do it.

I love you and I wish I could be with you but we’re both taken and you don’t feel the same way. I’m with someone I know I can have a good future with, who will love me unconditionally and will treat me right but fuck that. I just fucking want you. I want you so badly that it hurts like hell knowing I can’t have you. It fucking sucks loving your best friend and knowing they’ll never love you the same way. I know you want to be with her so I don’t say a word because I want you happy. If being with her is what makes you happy then shit i’ll make sure you will always be with her so I can see the joy in you. But tbh I don’t know how me and you can go through all this together and not form feelings for me. Because fuck... I caught feelings for you and have been trying to make them go away for years now but it won’t shake. I need to let you go so these feelings can go away but I can’t. It hurts too much. I also hope you never read this and know it’s me lmao. But if you do then don’t ever mention it haha. I love you.

I think we were meant to be, we just did it wrong. Hopefully in another life or at another time, I'll meet you again and we'll do it right.

i’m sorry for how awful i’ve been to you in the past. it’s just sometimes i look at u and see everything i don’t have. i’m working on it

where did you go, did u kill urself? cuz ur never online anymore. u lied when u said i treat u like a toy. young

Why has almost a year but you're still in my mind? Every time I think of you I get butterflies. Every time I think of the moments we had together it hurts because I know it's moments that I can never get back. Part of me wants to forget you so bad but another part of me wants to remember you. I feel like I'll always remember you and I'll be forgotten. It's okay though :) I hope you're doing well.

Why has almost a year but you're still in my mind? Every time I think of you I get butterflies. Every time I think of the moments we had together it hurts because I know it's moments that I can never get back. Part of me wants to forget you so bad but another part of me wants to remember you. I feel like I'll always remember you and I'll be forgotten. It's okay though :) I hope you're doing well.

Hi ... I never really had the courage to say that I like you and maybe you liked me back then too but now that you have someone that makes you happy I hope that she takes good care of you and treats you well ,, i will always love you

you’re so dumb and you’re so goofy, when you look at me my heart literally skips a beat, i know we’re young and dumb but i’m convinced you’re my soulmate, when we kiss it’s like i’m not in the world, when you hug me or put your arms around me i feel like i want to stay there forever, i imagine us both getting our dream job moving in together getting married and being so happy together, i imagine us traveling to new places together, i don’t want to get over you but i want you to love me back. you’re my weakness and i love you so much, i love ur laugh i love your hair i love when you wake up with that deep voice or when you’re sleepy or when you want me to play with your hair and act like a baby, i love when you just want to be babied.

I just wanted to say that you’re an amazing person and good luck w everything idk why i can’t tell you this but heyyyy i guess you’ll see this so tehee

i miss you, the old ali, my ali. the innocent one that didnt know what a period was. right person wrong time ig:/ ily forever

I hope one day I will hear from you again. If not, know that I will always love you. You will always have a place in my heart.

I always loved you and I will always love you. I know I messed it up back then but there's nothing I want more now than you and it will always stay that way.

I know you probably won’t see this. but thank you for taking me out of the worst place i have ever been. and i know you hate me now even though i don’t know what i did. but i love you.

I love you so much that my heart aches for you every single day. I’m so addicted to you. Please don’t go

I fell for you so hard. I knew it would never work between us but i’ve never felt more safe in the arms of anyone else. You’re someone I’ll never get over. You’re the only person I’ve ever believed when they told me everything would be alright. Nobody understood it but I did. We had a connection like no other and I wish it could go somewhere but it can’t. So I have to let go because staying is killing me more each day.

I know how things are. But I can’t help feeling like shit when I think of you with someone else. I know I’ve lost but I’ll still be your friend. My heart hurts but it would hurt more to leave you alone.

I love you in your entirety. I love you more than death loves the living and you could smile with your dimple upon my grave and just as simple, my heart would start beating. I love you more than life itself.

I said I’d never leave you and even in the next life, I’ll love you again.

every time i see you my legs feel weak in the worst kind of way. i want to cry and scream and show you the person i am because of you.