Unsent Messages

Dear Ali,

I love you. I fucking love you. I always have. You are genuinely the best thing that has ever happened to me. Just one text from you makes my whole day better. I still get those stupid butterflies and that stupid smile when I hear your name. I denied it, tought it was gonna go away eventually. It hasn't. I actually love you more and more everyday. I wish i had the courage to just tell you all of this. Tell you how much you mean to me. How you make me feel. How much I think about you. How I would do absolutely anything for you. How I don't think I've ever loved anyone this much before. But I'm too stupid and young to know what love is right? And besides, it would ruin everything. I know you would never like me as more than just a friend. I was so stupid to belive, even for a second that you could. It was just a joke for you. It started off as a joke for me too. I hate you because of the way i feel about you. It eats me alive. I just want you to love me. I want you to look at me the way I look at you.

Also, I want to apologize. For everything. I'm stupid and I hurt people without wanting to. I don't know why I say the things I say. If I've ever made you feel even a little bit bad, i'm sorry.