i wonder if you’ll check again. probably not. i talked about you for the first time today. i talked about how i missed you. and how you were everything. you are fucking everything to me. i cant talk to you because i’m not supposed to. i want nothing more than to just laugh with you. i wanna get excited over watered down sprite with you in the mcdonald’s parking lot. i wanna lay with you and just listen to you breathe. i wanna sit in ur stupid fucking closet and i want you to join me. i want you to drive me home late at night and hear you honk at me when i walk away. i hear a honk outside my window and i just look to see if it’s you. i wanna hear your voice. but i cant. it’s over and we’re done. i know we’re meant to be. maybe it’s just not our time. i hope one day we can be together again and just grow. i hope you find your happiness, and i hope you just end up fucking hating me because it’d make this so much easier. i will never stop being in love with you. life doesn’t feel real when you aren’t here. everyday just goes by in a blur. i don’t feel real. i keep pretending that i’m okay and i’m just drowning myself with red bull, crackers, and soup and i just miss you and i hate that i miss you. i hate that i fucked us up. but i won’t go back to you. i cant go back. we need this. i need this.

you might see this because you're the only one with this name. i miss you. no matter how hard i try you're all i think about. i love you forever please know that. I'm sorry.

i don’t know if i’m better off or not. sometimes i feel that way but i know it’s just me distracting myself from the world and everything that’s going on. i love you. i miss you and i think about you every fucking day. i remember when you brushed my teeth for me that one day. every time i brush my teeth all i think about is you. i look in my closet and see your clothes. i read the birthday letter you gave me every day. i just don’t know what to do. i love you but i just don’t think it’s our time. god i want us to be okay and i want us to be on good terms. but i just know we aren’t. and idk if you can be just friends with me. i DO love you, and i wish we could be okay but you hurt me. i don’t want to go through that kind of hurt again. no matter what i love you and i’m here. i know you’ll be okay you’re stronger than you think.

please don’t tear yourself up over this. it’s not your fault. it’s the both of us. we both suck. you don’t have to wait for me okay? do what you want, have fun. i love you. please know that and i will love you forever. you are my best friend. thankyou for being my everything. we’re going to have our time. it’s not now but i promise you that we will come back okay. i love you. and i really hope you hold that with you. you can TALK to me if you want to. even if it’s through this. i’ll know. just give a color. you will be okay. i know you will be. please be okay for me?