Unsent Messages

i wonder if you’ll check again. probably not. i talked about you for the first time today. i talked about how i missed you. and how you were everything. you are fucking everything to me. i cant talk to you because i’m not supposed to. i want nothing more than to just laugh with you. i wanna get excited over watered down sprite with you in the mcdonald’s parking lot. i wanna lay with you and just listen to you breathe. i wanna sit in ur stupid fucking closet and i want you to join me. i want you to drive me home late at night and hear you honk at me when i walk away. i hear a honk outside my window and i just look to see if it’s you. i wanna hear your voice. but i cant. it’s over and we’re done. i know we’re meant to be. maybe it’s just not our time. i hope one day we can be together again and just grow. i hope you find your happiness, and i hope you just end up fucking hating me because it’d make this so much easier. i will never stop being in love with you. life doesn’t feel real when you aren’t here. everyday just goes by in a blur. i don’t feel real. i keep pretending that i’m okay and i’m just drowning myself with red bull, crackers, and soup and i just miss you and i hate that i miss you. i hate that i fucked us up. but i won’t go back to you. i cant go back. we need this. i need this.