Unsent messages to SHANNON

you’re my best friend on the entire planet. i wouldn’t have made it this far if i didn’t have you by my side guiding me and telling me everything will fall into place. you’re so inspiring and i love you more than words can say

wow... this is hard to put in words. what we had was great, but it was only a certain amount of time before it collapsed on us. we were just two very broken people set on trying to fix each other, but we ended up just breaking each other more. i wish i had never met you but at the same time i would do anything to have you back in my life. i know the best thing to do for myself is to forget. i want to say i appreciated what we had but i'm not sure that i do. was it worth all the heart break? i still miss you everyday and i dont think im ever going to be able to get over that, i know thats not your fault but im truly just looking for someone to blame for my own mistakes.i never got to tell you this, but i love you. and i always will.

STOP looking on this, it’s getting ridiculous at this point. This is a reminder from yourself to stop being a stupid bitch & after tonight to not read this and not redownload tinder. You obvs aren’t ready ACCEPT IT

I admire you more than you could ever know shan. You are brave and persistent and you overcome everything thrown at you, I am lucky to call you my friend and I am so glad I met you. You keep me sane girly. Keep pushing on and doing your magic tarot things because you have a gift and I am keen for you to share it

You left me because of her and now she doesn’t even want you hahaha time to accept you’re the problem hun

that was a prime example of what happened in our relationship. i spoke about my feelings and my perception and you took it as a personal attack saying i “hurt you” bc i spoke about how i felt?? it’s like anything i say you need it to be personal so you aren’t perceived in any way other than perfect in your own head and it’s so unfair. i’m really sorry if my words offended you genuinely i tried to be nice about it and reassuring and stuff but you hurt me so much in our relationship that i feel like i never got the chance to voice it because it would always be faced with reactions like just now. and don’t worry about not going in circles anymore because we never were in any circles. i love you i loved you i still love you i will continue to love you and that’s not changed. me voicing my opinion on how i’m hurting is okay and valid. i’m sorry but it just is. if you feel attacked by my emotions then i’m sorry that isn’t my fault and i will not let you manipulate this into it being an attack on you when i am only asking for accountability on both ends and a tiny piece of empathy on your end. we can be done now, our chapter is closed. i genuinely felt like i’d be able to vent like i did because you’d grown out of this like perception of you being the wounded soldier and me being evil because i feel things too like it was in our whole relationship. i’m so sad and so tired and your last post and your flippancy and coldness hurts. but yeah let’s stop now it’s done. i will not post again and i’m sorry i made you regret anything. bye shannon.

i want to vent it here so i don’t need to message you again and i need my own closure knowing you know this - but i went back to roseanna because i had no one else to go to when all i saw was you replacing me with your exes and finding new girls to try and make me jealous with like a week after we broke up and you can deny it but i genuinely remember my exact train of thought when tweeting those tweets. i remember how hurt i was. i always remembers the days before i left yours and you ipad waking me up bc your mum was messaging you and o opened the ipad and you were talking shit about me to your mum and that was after you’d done it so many times before and we’d spoke about it so many times before it fucjing hurt me so much. you can say we broke up because i loved roseanna but we broke up because i was terrified of becoming toxic because i was terrified of hurting even more than i was already hurting. i broke up with you because we were at the end of a road and i didn’t want to fix it because i didn’t think you had it in you to care enough about me to fix it and because i never felt good enough for you. i was always watched like a hawk and any slip up i made all your friends and family knew about it and it embarrassed me and made me really upset. i know these things are normal but i would drive us everywhere and cook nearly every meal and i pushed all my friends away for you - i remember you accusing me of being in love with some of my friends and it made me feel like i had to push them away so i wouldn’t get accused of loving them like you accused me of loving roseanna. i admit i over compensated sometimes but it was always just me trying to prove my love to you. by the time we broke up i had hardly any close friends left and the only person i turned to was the person i knew would be waiting on me coming back. and i regret going back to her because it consolidated everything you accused me of but it wasn’t like how it seemed. you hurt me so much in our relationship sometimes you made me feel insane and you’d be manipulative by accident and it’d put me off you bc i was terrified of going through it again and i’d push you away or break up with you because i was scared of being vulnerable. in october when we met up i was vulnerable for the first time ever with you because i didn’t care about the outcome because your friends and your family and you already hated me. you broke my heart. i tried for months to contact you and when i contacted you in october it wasn’t random. i messaged you every single month of summer and i even messaged lauren at one point because you ignored me so blatantly. i think you saying you couldn’t get over me was a lie because you are really good at getting over people and you made me feel so fucking insignificant. i remember feeling so disposed off. i sometimes wonder what you’ve said about me but i don’t think i want to know because i think it would make me feel sick. i think now this stops and now i’m done. i loved you shannon i still love you i still want to fix things and i still want to redo it because we are both more mature and less broken but i refuse to be the reason why it’s not going to happen. i don’t beeline it’s about your heart not being ready and i wish you’d be truthful with me but i don’t think you’re capable of that vulnerability with me because you could never be the bad guy. i’m sorry it this is harsh or nasty or anything i’m just being honest because tonight i’ve realised that i’m finished. i love you seriously i do. bye shannon. for good.

the thing is is that i know i deserve better and i know that i could move on if i wanted to but my brain doesn’t allow it to happen just now. i think of our relationship and as much as you don’t think so, i really did try and be a good girlfriend for you like seriously did everything i could to be perfect and i get the way we broke up was fucked up and what i did when we were on a break was messed up.. i am obviously sorry for those things but i feel like those things weren’t unforgivable and the way you say your heart isn’t ready idk i just can’t take it seriously bc i feel like there’s a piece of the story missing?? idk. i remember in our relationship the way you’d speak badly about me behind my back to everyone in your life and it would hurt me so much so i can’t imagine what’s been said after we weren’t together and you were hurting. i wish things were different but i think as much as i love you as much as you are everything to me i’m kinda over being the villain and the blame for everything heartbroken because i feel like i did actively try and be a good girlfriend to you i seriously did like i made more effort than i’ve ever made with anyone. if i’m not something worth fighting for or fixing or working with then i don’t want to be the same person still available to you when you need your ego boosted. i wasnt perfect but neither were you and it hurts that it’s ending like this: i’m going to leave us in 2020. i love you i seriously do and i think i always will but i am not a bad person and i’m kind of tired of all of my exes making me out to be one when all i do is love too much and end up too broken at the end of it. i’m not going to check this thing anymore. i really wish you didn’t mess with my head in october bc you gave me a lot of false hope i can’t get rid of but i will. i got over 3 years and i can get over 6 months. i can do it i just need to stop feeding it. i love you shannon. i wish you the best, goodbye

also i search ur exes name on here everyday and convince myself it’s you writing them about her and it makes me feel so nauseous. i had such a hyper realistic dream about you both lastnight and i woke up in tears hahahah like wtf is wrong with me. i really hope you’re not in love with her anymore.

mental how when i hear love songs your name is the first thing that pops into my head. mental how i relate to love songs more than i do heartbreak songs. i like to imagine a time where i’ll feel something other than pure love towards you but for now that’s all i have. i say it a lot but life would be easier if you were awful and i hated you, but i already tried to do that and that route never works. listen to Lover by The Hunna. it makes me think of you and i’ve listened to it like a million times in the past 48 hours hahaha. hope you’re okay, i love you.

I wish i could be with you on your birthday... I know we haven’t spoken in a while but sometimes i wonder what would happen if i messaged

this isn’t for u, it’s for ur ex:
ur obsession with painting a bad picture of her is so tacky you look desperate and attention seeking. gain some self respect. u will never love her as much i do. ?

Stop letting people walk all over you I know you think you are nice for staying, but as a friend I have to tell you that you are naive

Everything just seems to work out for you and i hate it. You get handed everything including that stupid car

i hate you i really fucking hate you. I can’t believe i actually loved you for so long. I’m done being sad over you

I'm sure in a different timeline we would be together. For now, I have to watch you be happy with someone else. V

Shannon, idk how to say this but, I like you, like a lot, youre all ive thought abt for the past 3 months

If you messaged me and asked me to drive to you and be yours again, i’d genuinely get a speeding ticket for running to you so fast. i love you so much and all i want is you in my arms, why do i still love you when we didn’t even date that long? i fantasise about redoing our relationship over everyday, it’s sad knowing you don’t want the same but i think i’m in a better place than i was a month ago. i’m slowly getting over you. i love you.

If you messaged me and asked me to drive to you and be yours again, i’d genuinely get a speeding ticket for running to you so fast. i love you so much and all i want is you in my arms, why do i still love you when we didn’t even date that long? i fantasise about redoing our relationship over everyday, it’s sad knowing you don’t want the same but i think i’m in a better place than i was a month ago. i’m slowly getting over you. i love you.

If you messaged me and asked me to drive to you and be yours again, i’d genuinely get a speeding ticket for running to you so fast. i love you so much and all i want is you in my arms, why do i still love you when we didn’t even date that long? i fantasise about redoing our relationship over everyday, it’s sad knowing you don’t want the same but i think i’m in a better place than i was a month ago. i’m slowly getting over you. i love you.

I was just your rebound this summer. You never loved me, not like you loved her. You were STILL heartbroken over her not me, never me.

i’d do anything for you to be my girlfriend again. i think about wrapping my arms around you and never letting you go. i don’t know if you don’t want me for a specific reason like my appearance or your family and friends opinion on me but just know i love you so much. i don’t think it’ll ever stop. i’m not broken anymore and i just want to give you all of me. i’m sorry, give me another chance.

if only you could read all the paragraphs i’ve written about you. you’d know you’re the only person i’ll ever want to love

if only you could read all the paragraphs i’ve written about you. you’d know you’re the only person i’ll ever want to love

if only you could read all the paragraphs i’ve written about you. you’d know you’re the only person i’ll ever want to love

I still love you and I miss how things used to be. I hope one day, we can sort things out and love each other again.

I still love you and I miss how things used to be. I hope one day, we can sort things out and love each other again.

i would’ve waited until u were ready if i knew u would take me back one day but i know u never would. i’m heartbroken because i don’t think i’ll ever stop loving you

Years later and I still can't forget you. Maybe I made a mistake or maybe it just wasn't meant to be. Either way I'm sorry for what I did to you.

i love you+have not been able to get your ginger curls or uneven smirk out of my head since we met years ago i want to be more than your dick appointment

I don’t want to be friends when you’re still chasing a relationship. stop opening up the wound and hurting yourself

You are toxic and only care about yourself and act like my feelings don't matter but your sister and my brother are getting married and you are are dating my brother so I have to see you

Maybe I should have said no to begin with I guess I still to learn how to say no to things no matter how boring. I learned to love you the way you loved me half way through the relationship I’m so so sorry. I still miss you more than anything and I chose you over everything else and I lost almost everyone because of it

I love you so much. Please never forget that, no matter how much we argue. I love and miss what we had even if it was problematic.