Unsent Messages

the thing is is that i know i deserve better and i know that i could move on if i wanted to but my brain doesn’t allow it to happen just now. i think of our relationship and as much as you don’t think so, i really did try and be a good girlfriend for you like seriously did everything i could to be perfect and i get the way we broke up was fucked up and what i did when we were on a break was messed up.. i am obviously sorry for those things but i feel like those things weren’t unforgivable and the way you say your heart isn’t ready idk i just can’t take it seriously bc i feel like there’s a piece of the story missing?? idk. i remember in our relationship the way you’d speak badly about me behind my back to everyone in your life and it would hurt me so much so i can’t imagine what’s been said after we weren’t together and you were hurting. i wish things were different but i think as much as i love you as much as you are everything to me i’m kinda over being the villain and the blame for everything heartbroken because i feel like i did actively try and be a good girlfriend to you i seriously did like i made more effort than i’ve ever made with anyone. if i’m not something worth fighting for or fixing or working with then i don’t want to be the same person still available to you when you need your ego boosted. i wasnt perfect but neither were you and it hurts that it’s ending like this: i’m going to leave us in 2020. i love you i seriously do and i think i always will but i am not a bad person and i’m kind of tired of all of my exes making me out to be one when all i do is love too much and end up too broken at the end of it. i’m not going to check this thing anymore. i really wish you didn’t mess with my head in october bc you gave me a lot of false hope i can’t get rid of but i will. i got over 3 years and i can get over 6 months. i can do it i just need to stop feeding it. i love you shannon. i wish you the best, goodbye