my heart is aching for you every day...where are you...how did you just forget about me. i thought we were best friends, i thought you would always be here and youre just gone. im broken, i dont know what to do with myself anymore. i dont feel anything. ive completely lost myself. why wasnt i enough for you? why does everyone move on from me?

I don't think I could ever see you again, it would be too hard... because I convinced myself that you aren't on earth or something. if I saw you and was reminded that you have been here all along it would hurt too bad. I will never, ever love anyone how I love you. you are so perfect to me. if I could spend this lifetime just watching you I would. I could stare at you forever. I never knew what I had right in front of me... the way you motivated me and the way you loved me, I miss you so much... I watched videos of you, and how you used to look at me. you were so sweet... my best friend

i have to let go of the hope i have.. i saw that you moved on, were you cheating on me? why did you make me feel like i was crazy everytime i asked about him? how could you have hurt me like this? i know it wont ever work, i just want to let go of this idea i have that we're meant to be
you havent checked on me..i thought you were my friend. i thought you cared about me. i see the truth now, i just want to be happy and live my life without you. i dont want anyone elses love but yours

I want to feel close... I’m forgetting what your voice sounds like, and the memories of us feel more and more distant every day. I can’t believe my biggest fear, a world without you in it, has come true.. it doesn’t feel real. And I don’t know how you feel. I love you but you made me feel so unloveable at times and I felt like I was chasing you from day one, I think I see it for what it is now. I never felt like I was enough for you, and I could never go back to what hurt me so bad. You left me at my lowest, I was crying for help and you just disappeared. I told you I wasn’t okay and you told me you weren’t in love with me.. you didn’t want me anymore, you told me you didnt love me enough anymore. Because I got sick and didn’t want to be alive anymore. What kind of person does that? I should’ve left the moment you said that, but you dragged me along for months, using me and not even trying. You said you were scared of losing me and realized that you wouldn’t find better... but then you changed your mind again. I don’t romanticize you anymore. You claimed to care, but your actions showed otherwise... the worst part is you thinking your right and not being sorry. You were so mean to me and I was just trying to love you the best way I could when I couldn’t love anything. I could never have done to you what you did to me and that tells me everything I need to know. I used to think no one could love me how you could, but I think I might’ve been wrong because it ended and there was a limit on your love, and that’s not how it’s supposed to be

I feel so far away from you
My biggest fear was to live in a world where we didn't know each other, and it came true.
I know you're doing well and i'm happy for you, but im lost and empty inside...
i dont know about medical school anymore and i've really lost my way...i've been staying distracted with things that don't matter and give me temporary feelings of happiness. the person i love most is on earth and were not together and i cant seem to understand it. i'm moving on and i've learned to live without you. but i would do anything to go back to how we were. i dont feel anything. i'm not mad anymore, but i wish i was. i miss you and i want you. i always will

im okay now...
i love you forever and always...i will never forget you, and i can still remember your touch like the back of my hand
thank you for those five years-the best of my life