Unsent Messages

I want to feel close... I’m forgetting what your voice sounds like, and the memories of us feel more and more distant every day. I can’t believe my biggest fear, a world without you in it, has come true.. it doesn’t feel real. And I don’t know how you feel. I love you but you made me feel so unloveable at times and I felt like I was chasing you from day one, I think I see it for what it is now. I never felt like I was enough for you, and I could never go back to what hurt me so bad. You left me at my lowest, I was crying for help and you just disappeared. I told you I wasn’t okay and you told me you weren’t in love with me.. you didn’t want me anymore, you told me you didnt love me enough anymore. Because I got sick and didn’t want to be alive anymore. What kind of person does that? I should’ve left the moment you said that, but you dragged me along for months, using me and not even trying. You said you were scared of losing me and realized that you wouldn’t find better... but then you changed your mind again. I don’t romanticize you anymore. You claimed to care, but your actions showed otherwise... the worst part is you thinking your right and not being sorry. You were so mean to me and I was just trying to love you the best way I could when I couldn’t love anything. I could never have done to you what you did to me and that tells me everything I need to know. I used to think no one could love me how you could, but I think I might’ve been wrong because it ended and there was a limit on your love, and that’s not how it’s supposed to be