Unsent messages to LUKA

Ovo je prvi i poslednji put da cu ti pisati nesto gde ce stajati biti tvoje ime. Uglavnom sam te objasnjavala drugima kroz metafore i primere ali moram da iznesem iz sebe ovoliko reci bez da tebi ne napisem makar sad ako ti napisem ime ce znaciti nesto ? Povredio si me ponovo ali ti vise necu reci zasto i zbog cega i znam da ti to nije bila namera ali ponovo prolazim kroz isto sranje i dosta mi je, i problem je u tome sto koliko god se mi povredjivali ti nikad neces nestati iz mog secanja i mojih osecanja i uvek ce stajati tu sa strane i kad te nema i kad te ima i kad se ne budem osecala ovako. Nisam retardirana zaljubicu se ponovo samo ono volela bih i dalje da ti budes poslednja osoba. Kao ne volim te vise taj nacin izbledela su osecanja ali cu uvek imati prostora za tebe, odnosno uvek ces biti u tom nekom prostoru iz kog nikad neces izaci i volela bih da znam da se i ti tako osecas ako nadjes ovo nekako i procitas samo potvrdi. Znam da ni ti ni ja ne zelimo nista sad izmedju nas ali bih volela samo da znam da sve ono nije bilo uzalud jer si dobio u potpunosti celo moje srce a bilo mi je jako tesko i znas da sam se borila za tebe i znas koliko moram da sam te volela, pazi kad ni ja nisam svesna, jer sam protiv svih isla i lagala svoje i prolazila kroz pakao hiljadu puta samo da te vidim i osetim tvoju kozu. Usput ono sto ti nikad necu reci jeste da pricala sam sa psihologom o tebi i celoj situaciji da bih bolje skapirala sve i ona mi je rekla da sam verovatno podsvesno, svaki put kad je trebalo da se vidimo htela da blejim kod tebe, to radila jer se kod sebe nikad osecala sigurno a kod tebe sam se osecala kao kod kuce i jos sa tvojim roditeljima i normalnom atmosferom sto nikad nisam mogla dobiti kod sebe, i da zato je to bilo samo sa tobom a sa drugima sam blejala da pobegnem od kuce dok sam kod tebe isla da bih se osecala kao kod kuce. Zao mi je sto ovo neces cuti jer je tuzno i lepo i jebiga sto ranije nisam pricala s nekim o tome da ranije saznam da je tako jer meni nikad nije palo na pamet.
Ne volim te isto kao i ranije ali te volim toliko da uvek mozes na mene da racunas u bilo koje doba u kakvim god odnosima bili u kakvom god problemu bio. Moje ruke za tvoje su uvek slobodne.
A?

i'm slowly giving up on you and it's the best thing i did for me, i'll never forget you but i don't miss you anymore

hey luka,
i know youre way too old for me and im sorry. i just cant change my feelings for you. maybe it was just something stupid of my brain, or its right person wrong timing. maybe one day.
i really hope so.

Me gustas mucho, nunca podria imaginar que una persona me llegara a hacer sentir asi solo con una mirada, o con el simple hecho de que sonrias. Quiero conocerte, quiero saber cual es tu musica favorita, tu sabor de helado mas odiado...Tengo mucho miedo de decirte lo que siento por ti, porque aun somos jovenes, y no quiero arruinar nuestra amistad. Tambien le tengo miedo al rechazo. En conclusion, cada vez que te veo, no puedo evitar sentir esas mariposas en el estomago :). No he podido decirlo todo aqui, pero espero algun dia llegar a hacerlo.

To the person who was never mine,

The time given to us was so unfair. I always wonder what could've been if you didn't leave. If I wasn't so scared, if I wasn't so young. In another universe we're surely existing together, more than the strangers we are now. Thank you for the memories, I was happy while it lasted.

i dont think youll ever see this and think "hey ___ wrote this for me" but of how i wish it would at least cross your mind. i don't know what it is about you that intrigues me so much but it's there. i don't even think you know, or maybe you do and you just chose to ignore. ever since that fallout, we haven't been the same. we aren't as close as we once were and most of that was my fault. the feeling i had mixed with the thing that happened caused me to push you away, but oh how i regret that so fricken much. i've always had feelings for you, but i'm scared. i don't want to risk messing up what we have bc that would mean loosing you again and i cant do that. just know that i'll always be here for you no matter what. xoxo - your "soulmate"

Alright, I'll say it right here, if you're the one, I'll see you again in the nearest future. Fuck you

Honestly fuck you. fuck you for making me feel like shit. now im unable to trust new people. i love someone else now. but all of your bullshit has ruined me completely. so fuck you.

We were still friends after and the worst part is that I still liked you and you liked my best friend.

Your so toxic but without you I feel like I’m nothing, I’m so scared of you leaving me when I’d do anything for you.

When you went down on one knee, I was sure you were the one for me but I guess I was wrong because you weren’t in love with the real me.

i wish we could be friends, we were kids doing dumb stuff and i enjoyed having you around as a person, take care

thank you so much. you did so much good for me and you didn't even realise. but you broke my heart too. i'll always love you despite everything.