I wonder if you see these? I like to think that you do!

I still have your Christmas and birthday gifts! I really hope that we stay as friends, and I get to see you be happy even moreso then you are now. Im sorry how I acted in those few last months, it wasn't fair on you and I appreciate that now. I am sorry for how I hurt you, I hope one day we can heal and grow together, and be forever thankful of our time together!

after all, you were my first love, and helped me to grow and explore myself! this colour is your eyes (without the piss colour mixed in((jk jk jk jk)))

but genuinly, you are so much damn stronger then you could ever know or ever see. you have been through more then millions go through in an entire lifetime. and I thank you for sharing that part of me with you

may all your scars heal soon, both emotional and physical

the soulmate that wasn't meant to be in this life

we hurt each other far too much, I see that now. far too much. I hurt you, I didn't always answer your calls and texts as I played with others

I didn't see your family enough, despite all the effort you put in with mine

I knew your triggers and yet I continued to make the same mistakes. I overreacted. god I remember spam calling you up to 30 times a night when you just wouldn't pick up the damn phone due to my actions :(

I remember as you saw me into my eating disorder and back out of it
as you watched me spiral into self harm and then back out of it
but I couldn't do the same for you, could I? I just sit here and think about all we could have been, all the bakeries in France I wanted us to visit. you know I was saving up for that, yeah? once our exams were over I wanted to take you to France for a week or so, somewhere in a cottage. maybe one day we can go with our partners as friends? probably not. but id like to think so

I think of all the words I sewed into your mind in the form of promises, god if only you knew how long ive spent doing a chat search of 'forever' and 'I promise' while I sob my eyes out for how much I promised you but failed to give. I know we weren't healthy now, not in the slightest. Maybe one day we could've been but I don't think you or I were able to reach there anytime soon. It just hurt me so much to see how I hurt you. like that one time we had the dogs, and you went and slept on the sofa, and I came and woke you up and just with your sleepy eyes you looked at me with so much anger and sadness. I went to bed that night sobbing but I woke up to you pressed against me

looking back, I don't know If I would have preferred to know that was our last kiss or not. I really don't. in a way I do, so I could have made sure it was better and deeper and longer (without lolabear pulling me back up the platform((god I miss Lola, brb crying bc of how much I miss her)) but also im glad I didn't know in a way. I think, if I did, I wouldn't of been able to let you go

we never finished that Roblox Parkour game, the one where we'd play and it would turn into deep ass talks about everything and anything.

nobody else will ever call me sunshine, and I hope nobody calls you angel, for a while at least (even if that is selfish of me) the double tap will never be used in other relationships I may have as it was ours. and I hope that you look back on our relationship in a golden haze, as I do.

you know who

I have this horrible feeling that tonight is the night I relapse, I just feel so fucking guilty for how much I hurt the girl who was once my world

if you see this, then thank you. i can never say it enough. thank you for everything you did for me. thank you for showing me pure and soft love.
if i could go back i wouldn’t change a thing. i’m glad found eachother when we needed eachother. i’m glad i made you happy for so long

i’m forever glad that you were my first love, and that you taught me so many new things about myself that it is just breathtaking

i hope to never lose contact with you, and to see you fall in love all over again, with someone softer and better then me. you deserved more. i’m sorry for the broken promises, i really am. i promise it was never my intention to break them

i’m happy we still have eachother in our lives, even if it isn’t the same as it was before. beans will always miss you. next time us 3 meet up i’ll make sure she’s with me yeah?

so thank you nerd, for all the amazing memories. thank you for being you, i’m so proud of you, seeing you blossom in the way you have. well done

☼

i think you made your alt accounts to get away from
me, and that’s okay, it’s perfectly okay, i promise
if you don’t want me to engage with you that’s alright, i know you need your time
had a dream with you in the other day, i was living in this minecraft house and you and grandma and grandad and izzy all came over and you played with my dog, it was super similar to don from the farm
yeah, i miss you so much, but i really hope that you’ll feel able to talk to me at some point
i hope i can earn back your trust one day

how i wish i could still run to you when stuff gets real real heavy

felt so real. wish i can hold u again.

I wish we were close like we used to be

i really regret what i did to you. i really do. you dont deserve that.

I love u girl

i love you. we could be spive together if you wanted <3

i like you

So many unsaid thoughts and feelings for you.

I hope you lose breathing privileges ????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

if only you knew how many of my 11:11 wishes were about you.