Idk if you’ll see this tbh for some weird reason I feel like you’ve been doing these about me as well goofy lmao but you’ve never left my mind, I think of you everyday and miss you everyday.

i’m happy that i got my peace with all of this. i miss who i thought you were, not the real you. you put me through more than i should’ve ever had to go through. i don’t forgive you for it and i’m done going back to you. i’m sorry that we couldn’t work out. i hope all the other girls were worth it and i wish you nothing but the best in the future. you were my best friend, my everything and it hurts to know that we won’t ever be the same again. you didn’t have to lie to me all the time. i would’ve been less hurt in the end. i didn’t know how to trust you. your family turned to my family. we spent so much time together. things were different with you around. i stopped blaming myself for all of this. it wasn’t my fault for the way you treated me. i love you always. goodbye for now.

i’m happy that i got my peace with all of this. i miss who i thought you were, not the real you. you put me through more than i should’ve ever had to go through. i don’t forgive you for it and i’m done going back to you. i’m sorry that we couldn’t work out. i hope all the other girls were worth it and i wish you nothing but the best in the future. you were my best friend, my everything and it hurts to know that we won’t ever be the same again. you didn’t have to lie to me all the time. i would’ve been less hurt in the end. i didn’t know how to trust you. your family turned to my family. we spent so much time together. things were different with you around. i stopped blaming myself for all of this. it wasn’t my fault for the way you treated me. i love you always. goodbye for now.

i’ve been in love with you since 7th grade, it’s been 4 years since then but we haven’t talked in 2 years. i will always love you

Just so you know I didn't post that last one that was someone else. But thank you I appreciate the apologies. Trust me I wish things could be different.. I definitely miss you more it still hurts so much but I don't want to make things worse. I still haven't been able to get the other day outta my head.. like the 1st day of a new year and we just happen to take the same drive to the same neighborhood at the same exact time and the way back at the same time. It's just crazy I hate that I believe everything happens for a reason and it's still something I just can't get outta my head. The timing was all just to in sync like it was meant to happen.. I don't know. It is what it is though. I'm sorry for everything and I hope you have been doing okay. I hope you are happy with whatever you have been doing. I hope your happy if you've been hanging out or talking with someone else how we used to. I wish the best for you.

I gotcha idk why I kinda just assumed you've already hung out with another guy. My mind is still kinda just messed up though. Well for what it's worth I haven't been doing anything other than working 60+ hours and hanging out at home. Haven't been talking to anyone not that it really matters though. I would like to hear about all of that stuff I just don't want either of us getting in trouble.. don't get me wrong I would like to talk and see you too and idk what I would do if I saw the call honestly. Even when we were driving I was trying so hard not to look over because it just hurts.. :/ knowing that we can't talk and see each other and seeing you brings back all these memories. I just wish things could have been different.

i feel guilty for changing you. i miss what we had more than anything that’s why i’ve tried so many times to talk to you anyway i could. you were the best thing that happened to me and i was scared of it. i wasn’t used to it so i messed it up the best way i could going back to her. u affected me. i haven’t been the same. i haven’t want to feel how i did. so i never put myself in that position again. i miss you as much as i don’t want to say that after all this time

Yeah the roads have been really really bad and unless you got new tires both of ours are super bald lol and trust me I would want that too. We just both know it's not a good idea. To be honest I still just can't shake the feeling that you will say all this to me on here but then I still feel like there's no way you haven't talked to someone else like we did, sent someone a picture you know I wouldn't be happy knowing about, received a picture, showered with someone on facetime, I just feel like there's stuff or at least something that you know would hurt me that you've done and then you still say all this on here and it's just messing with my head. I'm sorry I'm sure it hurts to know that's how I think but I can't help it. I don't know how you could even prove that that's not true and I would be surprised if you told me any of it was true.. just can't shake the feeling. I'm sorry..

You make me smile like no one else does and your aware but you fell for a girl and told me all about her, i really thought i had a chance but i guess i never will cause your happy with another girl...

So who has all sent you dick pics then lol and yeah idk what to believe anymore it sucks.. who were you talking to? Also there was no comment lol at least not that I can see

Why such a sudden shift and tone? Didn't Michael want to be friends with benefits with you? And I'm guessing that's who you were smoking with the other day or whenever it was?

He asked when we were a thing or after you said that we weren't talking anymore? And you told him no?

Also just curious in your first response tonight, why did you say "if you see this, please respond fast" 100% honesty..

That's how the conversation went? Just making sure I didn't get it confused that or something isn't adding up.. idk.. just looking for that 100% honesty haha & so you didn't see me when I saw you guys then? I was dropping off a dd and looped around to turn out that way, figured you saw me and that's why you decided to tell me all this. Tbh I didn't expect anyone to be there still cause I thought y'all close at like 9 but what're the odds.. I really am believing that everything happens for a reason.

You were the first guy i felt "love" with.Yes i dated other guys before u but you were the first guy i actually loved. Yes i'm over you but that dose not mean i'm over what we had.

I want to believe you so so badly but I can't shake the feeling that I'm just getting played.. :/ and I'm still curious about when he asked you if you wanted to be fwb's.. I feel like there's more to it because I know the kinda person you are well were at least. Also I'm not sure if you have thought about why im having a hard time believing all of this or not but think about all the stuff you have said on here recently to me about me being the only one you want and stuff and then imagine how it felt when I saw you sitting there with the guy I know asked you to be fwb's lol

I'm sorry.. I just don't even know what to do. Even if everything you said is true and that's what you did last night like.. then what? I still just don't understand what we are hoping for from all this. It just hurts..

I feel like I believe you more about nothing going on now than I do about how the conversation went when he asked.. it just seems like there's something you don't want to tell me probably because it would hurt. But I've never known you to be the type to leave someone unread lol I know he ended up having a thing with Abby cause Cory and I still talk, I actually was talking to Cory last night about how I wouldn't be surprised if Michael went for you again after Abby and then literally like 10 minutes after that is when I saw you guys lmao.. idk I feel like there's something you aren't telling me wether if it's about whenever he messaged you in October and we were still together and happy or if it's something more recent.. I'm not sure.

Idk I just have this gut feeling that's not how the actual conversation went when he asked about it.. and who was the guy that you blocked? Also just curious from the time you showered with Zach way back when until now who else have you showered with on a call besides me? Idk I just have that same gut feeling I get when I know something isn't right..

Yeah I remember he was one of the guys you'd talk to alot while we were a thing, same with Eric, a couple Ryan's and a couple Michael's haha idk though it just doesn't make sense to me cause michael already knew you had a thing with someone because you guys had talked about me before or at least you said you did that night when we had an argument. So why would he ask you to be fwb's unless he thought that we were done talking.. just doesn't make sense and I feel like you aren't telling me the full truth about how that conversation went down.. sorry but if you can 100% say that you are then okay I'll leave it at that.

it’s been a year since we’ve stopped being friend. i wish i never let my anger get to the best of us. i love you forever.

So he never asked you first if we were still talking or anything he just randomly asked you if you wanted to be fwb's? And then all you said back was that you were talking to someone then you stopped replying? 100% honesty

I'm guessing you still have this conversation if you were able to recall it word for word right? Idk something just doesn't feel right.. & I just don't know how to feel about all of this.. I want to believe you but I can tell something is off and idk if it's something you aren't telling me about how the convo went or if it's about last night or when you went to get ice cream with the new girl and Cory and him.. something just doesn't make sense. I want to believe you so badly but even if I do then what? That's where I'm confused.. what could possibly even come from this.

Would you send me screenshots of the conversation if I asked? I mean I get where you are coming from though. It really does suck I wish I had someone to talk to but I honestly don't. So I just think about it to myself the entire time. I don't know what could ever happen honestly and that sucks. Yeah I know you guys are just doing what we used to do but that's exactly how I think of it, what we used to do and what led to becoming what we were. who knows maybe you will find the same thing in him that you did in me.. no worries though I hope the bank is going well.

Id be down to see them, idk what it is but something isn't sitting well with me and this whole thing.. and I'm not mad I have no reason to be lol hurt maybe yeah but that's okay. Anna did however message me last night outta the blue, was wonder why that happened again. I didn't even bother responding but she clearly hasn't been told anything other than bad things or lies which does kinda make me mad.. like when she said I'm so glad that you and Jordyn are done talking so badly I would have loved to respond with a "oh really is that what you think? Why don't you ask her how many times we have talked since that first night" but she's not worth the energy if she will just believe anything she's told. All in all though I'm not mad about anything, hurt a little bit yeah just feel like there is a lot that I'm not being told but idk.. hope you are having a good night at work if you work tonight.

Yeah idk that's weird cause I would think if you were telling people the truth there's no reason id still have her sending me a message unless it was an apology so idk what to think.. and that last part confused me

I fucking hate you for all I care you can block me stop texting me I hate talking to you it’s like everything has to be about you when it is not or when you’re mad it’s always about me so you know what go fuck yourself and I hope you know that I can tell your own brother hates you so suck an ass and eat a booty hole and guess what fuck off and you can fall off a bridge and I hope you shit your pants in school and get embarrassed ?? So yeah go away idc you make everything so awkward and I hate that so until I get an apology from you thats longer than 5 paragraphs that has proper grammar and 7 sentences in each don’t even think about talking to me?.

Lol someone is not happy again because we are talking on here that wasn't me who said that other message lol but I'm not sure why your tone changed all of a sudden. Well I guess up to you you can either prove to me that you aren't lying about the conversation and stuff or I can just let you go and you can do whatever you want. Probably go sit at Michael's car again I would assume, it's funny how these things keep lining up the things that keep seeing while I'm working the timing is just so crazy I really believe everything happens for a reason lol

You probably won't see this cause all the excitement died down, but I just wanted to say that you seem cool, funny, and god you're pretty. Your energy is the best thing ever and I'm glad to call u one of my online friends.

When are you off or will you be home? Zoom could be kinda sketchy. I was gonna say omegle with the same search word. Or I had something else in mind too

Alrighty I'll probably head home soon then.. we will figure something out. Do you have you phone at night still or just your laptop

we were slowly fall apart. i miss you but we are too toxic to be friends again. i don’t want to hurt either of us again.

at first i was mad at you. but now it came to the point where i just accepted what happened between us. btw i no longer told you anything bc i felt i would be judged. i was scared and thought i wouldn’t be taken seriously anymore. not bc you were “inexperienced” but bc i didn’t know what would happen.

at first i was mad at you. but it came to the point where i just accepted what happened between us. and i no longer told you anything bc i was scared of how you’d react. or maybe think of me. i felt i might be judged and i didn’t wanna feel less of a person to you.

at first i was mad at you. but it came to the point where i just accepted what happened between us. and i no longer told you anything bc i was scared of how you’d react. or maybe think of me. i felt i might be judged and i didn’t wanna feel less of a person to you. not bc you’re inexperienced.

ik you may think i dropped you. im not sure. but it was my fault that i slowly pushed you away. i pushed everyone away bc i no longer wanted to hurt anyone. i lost all my friends. i lost the ability to coming out to people and im sorry if that hurted you. i really miss us and wish we can go back to being friends but at the same time idk what would happen

some of our mutuals have dropped you but i havent dropped you yet because youre still nice being friends with

you never deserved me and i still wish you loved me. i will never forget a word you said to me. what did i do to deserve it?

I’ll use my own name this time. I was just curious, are you writing these too? I hate how hard this is. I miss you so so much. I wish I could have been more honest with you instead of a fucking liar and I’m sorry

I haven't been writing these since a couple nights before the last time we talked. I have been reading them almost everyday though not always sure which ones are yours. I mean I don't even know for sure if the blue grey one is, just had a feeling. I know how hard it is and everyday I try to act like it doesn't get to me, but truth be told there hasn't been a day that my first thought in the morning or last thought before falling asleep wasn't about you. I miss you so so much and wish things could have worked out differently. I'm sorry for the pain I caused you and whatever the aftermath of everything else was. I hope that with whatever you are doing now that you are happy at least and enjoying your life. I will always care about you and love you. You hold a special place in my heart regardless of everything that happened. I just want you to be happy.

I'm sorry I really do know how hard it is. There hasn't been a single night I have fallen asleep before 3 a.m. at the least. I wish for all of that and more but we both know how bad we fucked up.. and unfortunately I don't know if anything will ever happen again. It kills me to know that but I know you are strong and will be okay in time. It's not that I wouldn't join, because I definitely would want too. I just really hope that you are okay even after everything that happened and even after the other day I really just hope the best for you. I hope you can fall asleep and have sweet dreams. Goodnight and just in case no one told you today, you are beautiful.

No need to be sorry I just wish I could help. What do you mean by you will come up with all the other ways you thought to again? I really do miss you too. BBQ is the superior sauce, kinda like me, it's the fucking best. Hopefully that got a laugh and not a cry.. I am proud of you! I know you can do whatever you set your mind too. Congratulations on getting in and a scholarship. Seeing a ghost sounds like a good time, maybe one day you will be able to tell me about it. I miss talking and seeing you more than you probably think I do. Maybe one day we will see eachother again but I think it is best for you to be free and experience new things. No matter how much it hurts me to say that it is true, you don't belong to me, you should be able to talk to who ever you want, you shouldn't have to always be accused of lying. I hope your pizza rolls were good and I know the bbq was delicious haha I hope you are having a good school day and hope you have fun if you work later

Like they are under a different name or something? I'm confused haha and okay I will let you go. I hope you have a good day.

Your boyfriend should have at least graduated high school...it’s unsettling how easily you swept that and his misogyny under the carpet.

Goodmorninggg to you as well girl. That sounds interesting and who is Ricky haha someone from work? Well at least you didn't punch me in the face again hahaha & I see where you are coming from but I just don't know.. I don't think it's possible for you to beat me in this so I win (;
Also I shall use that color again then

Ohhh I gotcha I thought that was billy or something haha & virtual hugs are acceptable just not as satisfying! 1. I do like Christmas music so send it over & 2. Yeah I'll take a hint

Yeah I've had that feeling lately lol and sounds like a good time I miss those! I will look up the song and oh I gotcha gotta decipher the alphabet haha you excited for work tonight? Assuming you do

Yeah I did find it lol I just haven't been responding on these as much because I'm driving and it uses a lot of my data lol but I see where you are coming from I would want that to I'm just not sure how good of an idea it is, you know? I know you aren't being annoying I hope that your day is going well and you have fun at work. I will probably end up seeing you if you are driving again lol I feel like that's happened a few times recently

to me: don't be stupid. That one wasn't to you. No, he doesn't want to talk to you and he is doing good so leave him alone. He didn't say anything about you almost dying because 1. he doesn't want to talk to you anymore and 2. That probably wasn't even him. You have no idea. Stop trying to talk to him because you are being a bitch and you don't want to hurt him. I am being serious. STOP. I know that you miss him and I know that this sucks but it will be okay. You need to let him be. That is what he wants and that is what is best. Fuck you. The world doesn't revolve around you.
From yourself with harsh love

i cant keep talking to you without it driving me insane. why now and not when it mattered