Unsent messages to ISABELLA

You took advantage of me. You knew what I went through and you still did everything that you did. You took my virginity when I was too drunk to consent. You made me a toxic person to others when you’re the one who cheated and continuously manipulated me into staying. I’m so glad that I left. I wish I left sooner. I’m finally healing from you.

You took advantage of me. You knew what I went through and you still did everything that you did. You took my virginity when I was too drunk to consent. You made me a toxic person to others when you’re the one who cheated and continuously manipulated me into staying. I’m so glad that I left. I wish I left sooner. I’m finally healing from you.

You took advantage of me. You knew what I went through and you still did everything that you did. You took my virginity when I was too drunk to consent. You made me a toxic person to others when you’re the one who cheated and continuously manipulated me into staying. I’m so glad that I left. I wish I left sooner. I’m finally healing from you.

do you feel it too? that night we were looking at the stars did you feel it? did you want to kiss me too? is that why you stayed up with me? was it real the first time? do you even remember it? please just say no so i can let this go.

I sit here writing things to people I once knew with shit I wish I could say to them, but I can't. I wish he had wrote me a message and with false hope I go through looking even though I know he wouldn't write me shit. i haven't even spoken to him since may and I thought for sure I got over him, but I saw him for the first time at the beginning of September and all the feelings came rushing back. the thing is now he has a girlfriend and he's cut off all communications with friends that were girls, except for her friends. I've been friends with him since 6th grade and now he won't even speak to me, for what a girl that he probably won't last with over a bestfriend that would do anything for him, even if that meant just being friends, no feeling involved. the sad thing is he never knew I loved him and now he never will. I would have never ever gotten in between him and a girl ever, even if that meant me being in pain to see them together because im not that type of person, but to cut off all ties with your bestfriend, that's plain out wrong. your a fucking piece of shit, but I will always love you.

I look for my name hoping he wrote something for me. I look for his name to see the way people love others with his name. And I look for yours. I don’t know yet if it’s because I’m reassuring myself that he didn’t write to you, or if I’m secretly desperate to see his words, even if they aren’t to me. I’m forgetting his voice.

I cried a lot today after we said our goodbye at the park. Then the pogues said they wanted to go to a pumpkin patch and that made me so sad because i planned on going all out for you. I was gonna take you to the pumpkin patches, go see lights for Christmas and all that stuff. Maybe i still can. I don’t know how long until you can be mine again and i can see you everyday but i hope its soon

I can’t do being without you like you can. Every second is killing me knowing that I’m not with you going to the beach or Irvine while we sing our playlist together. You made me feel again and i can’t thank you enough. I’ll be waiting day by day as i think about you wishing i could text you because texting you somehow made everything better everyday. I love you forever and always, i just hope the forever part includes being with you because thats all I imagine. I know you need time, but in hoping somehow its next week?idk i think time will hopefully fly like the 8 months did before i talked to you again. I’ll just exist until then.

to say you hurt me is an understatement. but i’m not innocent either. i miss how we were. we were closer than anything. i miss that. i don’t miss you but i miss the times we had. you were my best friend at one point and i just. it’s just hard to have life without you. whether we talked all the time or not. we were always there. i miss you.

i’m so sad. i’m so so sad. i have no one and i loved u so much. u hurt me but i still love u and miss u so much. i don’t know what to do it just hurts

you just need to calm down, stop being so mean to those you love just stfu and say something good for once

You werent my first love, but i think im falling for you now. honestly, i hope im not i dont want to fuck things up. but yknow thats what i do best. u wont see this but if u ever wanted me im here

you were my first love and i miss what we had. it's all gone because of you. i still think about you every day and i wish you'd reach out to me even though i tell others i wish you didn't.