there’s not one day where I don’t think of you. I miss you so much and I’m sorry for how we fell apart. I know you’ve moved on but I will love you forever

it was crazy of u to just pretend i was the one who messed up when in reality u have developing to do.

hi. i like u. like so much it hurts. you make me feel something i haven’t felt in a long long time. like i’m beautiful. and worth something. and important. and i’m sorry i’m annoying and random and all over the place. i just want to see you and talk to you and hug u. and just be there and exist together. and it hurts that i can’t. but it is what it is. and i know ur just gonna get to know me and realize it’s not what u want. and that’s ok. i’m used to it.

you keep letting me down. but it’s not your fault ig. i just get my hopes up. and you let them back down.
it’s ok if you’re done and wanna leave. i get it. it wouldn’t be the first time.

You are my first bf but I’m afraid I won’t be able to give myself to you. I don’t think you are the one. I’m curious as to how our relationship will end. I’m sorry if I hurt you. It’ll hurt me more. I tried to warn you.

I love you. I love you I love you I love you. You’re the best thing to ever happen to me. Please never leave. I wanna spend the rest of my life with you.

i was so deeply in love with you for so many years and yet you had no idea how badly you were hurting me.

sometimes i’ll hear a new song and wish i could share it with you. i don’t know why because you hated my music taste anyway.

It’s been over a year now since you left and I still can’t move on.. you pulled me out of my dark place and ended up putting me into another. Please come back you were my light and I miss you my love..

hey. if you see this please say something. i don’t want you back in my life but i do miss you colby. i hope you’re well

Everytime I see you at school my heart flutters. I’ve never been so attached to someone like this before. I’ve forced myself for a long time now to confess too you but I just somehow can’t do it. Hearing your laugh, seeing your smile, and being yourself just makes my whole day. Everytime my phone vibrates my heart wishes its a text from you.

dear colby
i wish i could hug you one last time. so much have changed and we have both changed so much since we last spoke. i know that you moved on and that you found someone new but i still think about you every day and im not going to lie. i miss you so you much. you ment the world to me. and i hope that sometimes you still think of me. i love you.

You are the most amazing human being ever. Thank you for being a light in the dark time, even if you didn’t know it. I still listen to your song to feel safe. Thank you for all the beautiful’s and gorgeous’ and the marry me’s. Thank you for telling me I didn’t deserve those things, & lastly thank you for existing. You are one amazing man, and I’ll always carry a piece of you with me.
with all love & sincerity,
missy.

i loved you and needed you in my life, then i hated you and never wanted you back. i don’t hate you or love you anymore. i don’t know how i feel. i’m not ignoring all the toxicity, but i’m not in constant anger because of all the ways you’ve ruined me. i’ve done a lot of research on BPD and am just honestly disappointed in how it all ended up. i don’t know if we’ll ever talk again. i’m scared you’re my soulmate. that’s really my core fear. i wonder if part of you still thinks we are.

there are so many things i wish i could share with you. my life is no longer a part of your life and yours is no longer part of mine :(

there are so many things i wish i could share with you. my life is no longer a part of your life and yours is no longer part of mine :(

last night i had a dream that was a flashback of when we were sitting in my car and i turned away from you as a joke... then you grabbed my waist and pulled me into you. it was right before you kissed me— the second first time. i can keep you out of my head during the day but sometimes you return in nightmares. i needed to get it out of my mind though so this isn’t meant for you to see and think about,, it’s just for me to get it out there.

I’ve never really understood the meaning of a first love until you came along. The love I have for you is unexplainable I just wish we didn’t have to hurt each other as much as we do. I miss when you were as in love with me as you were in the begging.

ilysm and you're probably the best thing that has ever happened to me. you make me incredibly happy. im so sorry.

thank u for telling me u understand. thank u for not hating me for the way I treated u. make ur movies. tell ur stories. the world and I are waiting to hear ur voice. i’m rooting for ya kid. I hope u find the happiness and love u and I searched for in each other back then.

You’re the only thing that’s keeping me alive. I love you so much you have no idea. You’re the light of my life, my everything. I will always love you. My serotonin, my colbae

finally 100% over you. last entry and time i’ll check this website!! i’ve discovered that loving you is the opposite of loving myself

finally 100% over you. last entry and time i’ll check this website!! i’ve discovered that loving you is the opposite of loving myself

i used to just constantly miss you. now it’s every now and then, but when i do it hurts so so terribly. i want the pain to go away. do you miss me too?

i’m sorry i was too shy and our summer thing never went anywhere. i wish we could have that again, but i’m glad we’re friends

I’m the one who ended it, yet I’m feeling the most pain. I just want to fix things. I know I can be better now.

I hope we can come back to each other in the future but even if we don’t end up together I want you in my life forever.

kept seeing your name in the archive... you're not my first love but i definitely regret putting my friendship with lilly on the side like that.

you are so far away now. i can feel you forget me like i used to feel you breathe. i hope things are going good for you. you are this color in my heart.

all I ask for is a bit of reassurance. everyone always leaves. I rlly don't want you to. I just want to know what I mean to you. I'm putting 80 in and that's okay, just send me a couple words to help my thoughts know that it's going to be okay

what the fuck. you have the best timing, i was already holding back tears at work bc i tried to tell my mom about my bad mental health earlier today and she told me to fake it til’ i made it. and yelled at me. a lot. and told me i just had a small appetite was all. then you came through the fucking drive through with your new girlfriend... why were you so smiley? my hands were shaky for the rest of my shift and it looked like you felt nothing. does she know you check this every day? does she know you can’t let go of me?

every reminder of you stings so badly. how could you do this? how can you say you’re in love with someone one day and not be the next. i feel like you’ve forgotten about me already and i wish you cared more.

i should have known i was just another one of your girls. you took advantage of me and i was nothing but a distraction for you from your own pain and you left when you found a better distraction. i don’t think you realize that i seriously loved you. i don’t anymore. i despise myself for giving you a second chance, let alone a first.

it was weird acting like we didn’t know each other.. it didn’t feel right. i didn’t want to get to that point. why did you act like you didn’t know me? i don’t think you check this anymore and i’m okay with that. i don’t know if i’ve let go or not colby :( i wish you didn’t tell so many lies about me. i don’t lie about you.

it’s back to letting everything out here instead of to you. all you had to do was be loyal to me and you couldn’t.

I wish you could see that i truly care for you and would do anything for you. how hard is it to see that i want to be yours? I've been by your side while you get hurt by others girls, when i would never think to do that to you.
I've given so much to you and all i want back is to be notices

fuck you fuck you fuck you. you are a horrible person with no respect for me and are responsible for 90% of the lies i believe about myself. how does it feel to mess up a whole person? to change the trajectory of their life in a negative way. you don’t care. you are heartless and cold.

Stop telling people about us. I want no affiliation to you, you need to stop running your mouth. People don’t need to know you were another one of my mistakes-

You were the sweetest, most wholesome guy I have ever met. Until you asked me for pics, just like everyone else.

i deserved more than your worst. i gave you my best and then you made me feel like that wasn’t enough.stop trying to find ways to manipulate the image i have of you in my mind. please just let yourself be Actually alone for a bit. not like in solitude but without someone to reflect all your problems onto. you can’t just keep leaving people and then having another girl as back up to avoid the pain of separation. you don’t even know who you are. nobody does because you change around every person. you destroyed me and every time i feel healed, you find a way to cut back open the wound.

oh, also, taylor swift came out with a new album:-) i wondered if you thought of me when she did that... probably not— the song happiness made me cry a lot because i thought of us.

Hi. I miss you. I know that we haven't talked in almost a year but I just wanted to tell you how much you meant to me. You were my first kiss, the kiss that made my world simply implode. And while I no longer have feelings for you, thank you for making me feel the way I did. The simple way we never started and ended truly destroyed me. You turned my world from the simple colors that seemed to lack saturation to a universe and bright lights and so many more exciting things. Thank you for giving me the confidence to feel wanted and sexy. I love this feeling. You shook me to my core and hope all is well.

Hi. I miss you. I know that we haven't talked in almost a year but I just wanted to tell you how much you meant to me. You were my first kiss, the kiss that made my world simply implode. And while I no longer have feelings for you, thank you for making me feel the way I did. The simple way we never started and ended truly destroyed me. You turned my world from the simple colors that seemed to lack saturation to a universe and bright lights and so many more exciting things. Thank you for giving me the confidence to feel wanted and sexy. I love this feeling. You shook me to my core and hope all is well.

you’re right. i didn’t think you’d check. it was a place for me to let out my emotions yk? i didn’t see your messages until way later. it’s hard not to be bitter. i learn more and more every day about lies and deception. and i didn’t think you’d check every day. maybe every month or so... i thought i was far out of your mind. not communicating is so hard colby. i miss you:( i wish i could show you the long letter i wrote and i wish we didn’t have to do this weird communication thing and i hope that you check it one more time to read this and i hope that you’re well and that she’s okay too. i worry about it a lot. i hope i can let you go soon. i do for a week and then something pulls me back in. there was a boy who liked me and i liked him but he started talking about his mental health so much and said things you used to say and it scared me so much and i had to stop talking to him. i see you everywhere. and i miss you but i know you aren’t good for me. every time i write about you i can’t stop. there is so much i have written about you. in poetry journals and notes and entries on here that i haven’t addressed in your name because i don’t want you seeing them. i cant even tell if you’ve moved on or not. you check this every day but you’re dating someone new... i don’t know colby. i don’t even know how you are right now. my identity slowly became you and now it’s not anything and so it’s really hard to shake you. i don’t know the new me yet. i don’t know if i will in a long time. but i’m getting better slowly, i just wish i had more to think about to fill the void. i wish i fell for people fast like you. i wish a lot of things and i wish i didn’t have this much to say and i wish this didn’t even scratch the surface. i just realized how much i wrote... i wonder if you have this much to say. i wonder if you truly think we’ll ever meet again or that was something we both said to soften the pain. i wonder if you yearn for me or just the ease of my forgiveness and well-being to release you from any guilt that rests deep down at the bottom of your gut. i wonder if you love me. i wonder if you hate me. and i wonder if you’ll even read this and i wonder if you think i’m crazy for writing this much. now i’m not too sure if i want you to check it again. i’m sorry for being angry. i wish i could feel it like a normal person. i just get so frustrated because i know how good we could have been if it didn’t get all fucked up yk?? most of the time when my messages get a quarter as long as this i don’t send them but i guess you aren’t checking anymore so i’m fine. you have a lot more self control than me. the only reason i ever block you or unfollow you is because seeing you makes moving on really hard. i want to let go colby. your message has helped me get closer to that, though. you’re right in what you said. this is weird and unhealthy and very typical of us to find a loophole like this. we’re bad at staying away from each other and always have been. we joked about being addicted but it really is an addiction. sorry for the long message. don’t think my messages on here are an accurate depiction of how i feel towards u. i write them when emotions run high. i’m sorry. i don’t want to hurt you, i swear.

i've never broken over someone before. my love has since dried up, so just know you got the last of it.

i would have gotten you a telescope for Christmas because you said you missed the old one you had. maybe a ring too... that’s okay though. i wonder what you would have gotten me.

If you cared you wouldn’t talk to me the way you do.. Wish i could say something without it causing a fight.

I miss who you were before me

I know you don’t like me back but I really do like you. I miss you, i really do

I think about you constantly still.