Unsent messages to CATHERINE

sometimes i think about what could've been

I wish I could hold you again. Just like I used to.

You may not be imperfect but you're trying, I love you so much please don't be so hard on your self

I want you so bad. But I can’t have you.

I’m sorry for taking you for granted. I’m waiting for you if you ever want to try again. I love you

I lied when I said that I didn’t love you, but I now think it’s better that I let you go.

did u ever love
me, i wish we never got into long distance.

I wanted to know you so bad. I’m so proud of you cat.

i just don’t want you to hate me :/

I wonder if you still remember me. I'm sorry for leaving you

I hope your days ae cool and nights are warm. I miss you.

I miss you especially in this cold summer nights lately.

i miss eating chips and queso together

I miss you so much

hope you're okay

We don’t talk anymore, but my heart aches everyday.

Each day I think about you a little bit less and love myself more. I still love you and I always will

i wonder if you know that it's me thats written all of these messages. more importantly i wonder if gyou know they're all about you.

i want you to be happy. i know its tough and this is selfish but if you give up i wont live. you make me feel understood and you make me feel like it'll all be worth it one day.

you used me until you didn't need me anymore. then you came back when everyone else left, and then left again once you were done. you broke my heart during the worst time of my life. i can't trust anyone anymore without thinking about the way you treated me. i hope the memories we shared were real because our relationship wasn't.

I lost all my love for my favourite things because of you. But it's okay bc im a bad b and I got a new girl now?

Hey big sister.
merry christmas to you and the angels up there. i really miss you. Im having a hard time at the moment. i just wish you were her to help me throught it. but your not so what is the point.
forever my beautiful angel. Love your little sister.

I wish I could take back what I said the last time we saw each other. You were right. It wasn't love.

hello baby u are so cool and sexy and swag and amazing yeah... anyways i have a crush on u i hope u know that cuz we're dating :(

I can’t believe I ever missed you. I was still nice to you after you cheated and yet you still made up lies and tried to break me fuck you

You were my first love. And I wish I could have been enough for you to love back. I miss you so much. It feels like I have to painfully rip you from my heart, because there’s no going back. You don’t want me back and I just have to move forward. I have so many questions. But mostly I wish I could know why I wasn’t enough for you. All I did was love you. Why can’t love just be enough. I miss your smile. Your scent. Your embrace. Most of all I miss your love. The feeling of warmth knowing that you cared. I wish I could move on but I can’t. I just can’t. Maybe I never will. I just have to live with it. My worst fear was that I would be the reason for the end of us. And I was. It destroys me inside knowing if I was different maybe we would be different. I have this constant feeling of never being worthy enough - for you, for this life, for anything. I want to be enough. I wish I had the answers to why I am like this. I would do anything to change if I knew it meant you would have me back. I love you. And I hate you. I hate you for lying to me and never telling me how you felt from the beginning. Maybe if I knew from that Monday things would be different. I want to blame you for it all but I can’t. Because I know it was me. I also know on a rational level it was both of us. But I can’t help to constantly blame myself and hate myself instead of you. I hate you for breaking my heart. But I love you for being my first love. I’m at the worst point of my life. I don’t know if it’s because you broke my heart or if the anger has been building up since May, sneaking up on me without me realizing. I can’t go on like this. I can’t carry on hating myself. You were right. My relationship with myself effecting the relationship I have with you. How did you know that? I guess I’ll never know. I never outright told you I hated myself. It’s like you just knew. Can everyone see it if you can ? Or did you just know me well. Although, I don’t think you knew me at all. I always felt heavy around you. Like I couldn’t be myself. The terrifying thing is I don’t know who that self even is. I feel uncomfortable around everyone. So maybe it wasn’t just you. It was me. Like I knew from the beginning. It was my fault. I’m sorry and I still love you.

ur a hazy golden memory in my rotting, broken brain. memories I didn’t even know I had of us pop into my head from time to time. sometimes I blush

im sorry that my father chased you away. i pray you find a new love in london and maybe i will see you again one day.

I love u so much, u r the best friend anybody could have and i'm sooo grateful for u. u deserve nothing but the best

you left me for the dumbest reason your an selfish brat. all because what I called you out and you couldn’t handle it. I hate you so much you don’t deserve anyone.

so basically you're my bestfriend soulmate typa beat. i love you in case i die and i miss you so much

i cant believe you moved and didnt tell me. ik were not as close as we used to be but imma miss you. first jenny and anna left our school and now you're not gonna be at the same hs as me? I wanted us to get to be better friends but ik that isnt gonna happen. I wish you wouldve told me sooner you'd be gone. hopefully we do hang soon before you're gone and make new friends. idk really where your moving I just hope it's not too far. we fr need to hang soon tho. where'd you move? i love youuu smmm

"Used to be my baby, now I call you my ex". I'm still waiting for you to come back to me, even after all this time. I just hope you think about me from time to time. I think about you every second. I seriously loved you; and I still do.

Blue???, I love you more and more every day Thank You for everything you do for this zoo of a family you are my best friend and soulmate ?

ik i leaked everything abt u, and ppl now have seen parts of ur body that were only ment for me, and im sorry. i didnt even like u im sorry i lead u on

“oh simple thing, where have u gone? im getting old, & i need something to rely on. so tell me when ur gonna let me in. im getting tired, and i need somewhere to begin”

I liked you for so long. But I never had a chance because you're straight. Even if you weren't, you could do so much better than me

I still would do anything for you though. I never had a change because you're straight and even if you weren't, you could do so much better than me.

You broke me to the point I don’t know who I am anymore. I can’t look at myself in the mirror and feel happy I’m alive. You were the catalyst for my severe depression, the pain and loneliness I feel. I still can’t stop thinking about you.