Unsent messages to BEAU

I really did want to stay but the voice inside my head told me you didn’t want me to when I saw signs that I’ve seen all too many times before. I let my own overthinking self sabotage what could have been and I allowed myself to follow a self fulfilling prophecy

I wish I could just tell you these things. The thing I hate most about myself is how guarded I am and how I have these walls built up. I’m still learning how to not close myself off

Most of all, I am genuinely sorry if I hurt you and caused you even the slightest bit of pain these past few months. Maybe you don’t think I did but I feel I have. I’ve beaten myself up over everything every day for months now, wondering how things might have turned out if I had done things differently. I wish I could change the past, I really do but I sadly can’t. But I can learn from it

I could move past it all if you bothered to put effort in, initiated and reciprocated. But that’s probably not going to happen and I just have to accept it

I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want to talk to or see you cause I do. And I keep hoping it’ll happen

I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want to talk to or see you cause I do. And I keep hoping it’ll happen

But I guess I’ll never know bc you could care less about anything having to do with me. It’s always been zero effort

Maybe it was just my anxiety getting the best of me and I ruined everything by panicking? Maybe I didn’t communicate things properly? Maybe we’re both to blame for that. Or maybe you just wanted to use me

I thought maybe for once something finally might go right but it didn’t. I keep wondering if I did something wrong or if I’m to blame for all of this, just trying to make sense of what happened. I just wish things were different and not the way they are now

Although I was only temporary in mind; in my heart, you remain permanent, capturing a soft spot for yourself.

I just don’t know what to do anymore. I still do have feelings but I’m so conflicted. I’m so lost. It’s like I’m hopelessly stuck in a purgatory of feelings that I can’t escape. I feel like giving up for good but a part of me just refuses to let go. I’ve never experienced this, I’m usually immediately past all of this but I’m stuck and I don’t know why. But you’ll never care to take the chance. Your focus would rather be on other people and continuing to make me feel unwanted and that I don’t matter to you. Mais c’est la vie.

I won’t lie. I did have feelings for you, but I realized you didn’t see any sort of future with me in it and that I was your backburner person. Everything was always one sided because you couldn’t be bothered to put in any sort of effort. It’s hard to try with someone who never and still doesn’t care about you. I’m tired of always being the only person who tries. So I stopped a while ago and saw that I was right all along. I mean nothing to you. There has been so many times where I’ve wanted to talk to you, but then I remember that it got me nowhere so I stop myself every time. I really don’t expect to ever hear from you since that’s how it always has been. I just hope you’re happy.

i miss the way you loved me, i miss the way that you would tear the whole world apart if you lost me.

i love you bubba. you love someone else now and it hurts like hell. i'm going to miss you making chocolate milk at 2am. make it with her now.

i hope youre doing alright my love, i hope youre happy even if its not with me. we will meet again i promise.

Thank you for showing me the true meaning of selflessness. My arms are still open, and my heart still beats for you. There will always be a place for you here.

I've always loved you, through all your mistakes and all those times I forgave you. You may have left, but I'm atill holding on. I'm keeping my promise of, 'I'll love you forever.'

You were perfect. Everything a girl could wish for. Why'd you leave? Without an explanation or anything?

you don't even know how much you mean to me and i don't know what i'm gonna do or feel if i ever see you again.

i hope one day you can look back and realize just how much you put me through, how badly you damaged me. you are the reason why i am the way that i am

Please stop ignoring me all I want is for you to notice how hard I’m trying to make you happy but you don’t care.. if you don’t care about me anymore please just tell me and not leave me waiting for you to snap back thinking you care when you don’t, sure it will hurt but it’ll be better for the both of us in the long run :(

i love you with everything i have. but you’re too selfish to focus on anybody but yourself. you said you loved me.

i’m not jealous because i think she’s prettier than me, i’m jealous because you think she’s prettier than me.

I loved you. You didn't love me back. Over time I learned that it wasn't you that I missed, it was the emotion. You taught me what love was not. F*ck you, A.