Unsent messages to ANSON

i still think about you every night and day. i cant seem to erase you from my mind.

you’re the first guy i’ve ever truly liked… i want you and i hope you know that

Why don't you just talk to me??

please don't be in love with someone else.

it's been 6 years...and i still think of you often. im so sorry for how it ended.

i hope one day u can reach out and tell me how u feel & i’m sorry about ur cat

you're my person an. im so dazed by you.

I hate how theres 2 very different emotional sides & neither of us can see over our own wall

our story isn’t over.

You made me pray that we found a way back to each other, I don’t even believe in religion

intertwined.

I hope you get everything you ever wanted and i hope i never hear a thing about it

i don’t hate you and i’m sorry for my part in why things ended.

I really really really really really love you.

I really wish we could have been more. It felt like “right person, wrong time” to me.

i’m secretly inlove with you

we’re gonna be doing this over and over til one of us grows up

If you see this I want you to know I still love you. It’s not fair to tell you that though, it doesn’t seem to be in the cards for us and it’s only fair to let you move on and find happiness with someone else. but fuck I wish it worked out. I miss sitting in the back of your car, running in the rain, the warm summer nights, being in your arms. you’re the best person I’ve met, you make me feel held. you made me believe in soulmates.

you were loved. i dont know why you decided to leave us here. but i miss and love you, its upsetting that you felt like that and nobody knew about it. im hurting :( another lifetime babe

i don’t cry as much. haha. i always say that but end up crying multiple times a day. they say it’s better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all. nah, fuck that. i wish maybe i didn’t love at all. because i wouldn’t be hurt. and you wouldn’t have hurt either. i love you. god i need to shut the fuck up. i have egar. and everyone else. but i only sleep with egar. FUCK. i wanted to buy you shit for christmas. i also wanted to go into 2021 with you. and spend a 3rd Valentine’s day with you. oh no, what if you spend it with someone else. i hate it here. i need to stop talking, no, typing haha. i really, really wish i still had you. but the timing man. it was WAY off. now, we could’ve been unstoppable. i can give you everything now. but, you’re planning on asking her out. so, treat her well. give her stuffed animals and lots of hugs. i hope she does the same for you. i will always love you. and i’ll wait. but not wait. ya know? you’ll always have a place in my heart to come back to. god i need to just stop haha. i’m trying. i’m really fucking trying man. i’ve tried liking someone else, i tried exploring my options. but nothing works. Lover is a day. that’s still ours, right?

i know you don’t miss me. i know you don’t have any feelings for me anymore. i heard you say it. and it crushed me, i’m not going to lie to you. but i’m still so dumb. look at me, i’m writing to you AGAIN even when you’ve answered all the questions in my head. and i still believe you’re my person. we’re 14. and i’m so fucking stupid man. i still genuinely BELIEVE you’re my person. i’m attached. i got attached to you. i blew it. another thing i hear you say. i blew it. and i’m trying to get better for you. but “that’s unfortunate” right? yes. it is. you’re right. again. but, you need to understand how honest i’m being. i’m telling you now, that i would try to be the best thing in your life. i would endlessly spoil you with love and gifts and everything you want. i would be your biggest fan, number one. i know you wanted that before. but due to unfortunate circumstances, i was not wanting to give it to anything, not even life. and i’m tired of saying “i’m not going to keep using my mental health as an excuse.” fuck that. it’s not an excuse. it’s what actually happened. i felt so unmotivated that i wanted to die. it’s an illness. not just a feeling. some people don’t have a reason to feel sad. others have an endless list of reasons. i got both. fucking trauma. and then i’m just sad, for no reason. now listen. i’m not trying to guilt trip you with what i’m about to say. but, i know that if you were to take me back, everything would go away. maybe that’s just a delusion. perhaps. no. i know it’s a delusion. because all my problems cant go away just like that. but some of my problems can. right? you’re a main reason why i’m sad right NOW. so you can tell me. should i wait. or should i move on. i know the answer you’re gonna give me. you know it too. so why am i even asking?

I still think about you. A few days ago someone brought you up again, and they didn't mean to, but they told me how horrible I was to you. I'm sorry. I just want to be with you again.

I love you so much. Even when you unintentionally hurt me, it doesn't matter to me. I hope we get married, have kids and travel the world together. Thank you for everything.

i know i will never feel the way u made me feel again. i want to say thank u even though u'll never know.

i've wanted nothing but for u to be okay. we will never talk or see e/o again but i still use all of my 11.11s on you.