i know you don’t miss me. i know you don’t have any feelings for me anymore. i heard you say it. and it crushed me, i’m not going to lie to you. but i’m still so dumb. look at me, i’m writing to you AGAIN even when you’ve answered all the questions in my head. and i still believe you’re my person. we’re 14. and i’m so fucking stupid man. i still genuinely BELIEVE you’re my person. i’m attached. i got attached to you. i blew it. another thing i hear you say. i blew it. and i’m trying to get better for you. but “that’s unfortunate” right? yes. it is. you’re right. again. but, you need to understand how honest i’m being. i’m telling you now, that i would try to be the best thing in your life. i would endlessly spoil you with love and gifts and everything you want. i would be your biggest fan, number one. i know you wanted that before. but due to unfortunate circumstances, i was not wanting to give it to anything, not even life. and i’m tired of saying “i’m not going to keep using my mental health as an excuse.” fuck that. it’s not an excuse. it’s what actually happened. i felt so unmotivated that i wanted to die. it’s an illness. not just a feeling. some people don’t have a reason to feel sad. others have an endless list of reasons. i got both. fucking trauma. and then i’m just sad, for no reason. now listen. i’m not trying to guilt trip you with what i’m about to say. but, i know that if you were to take me back, everything would go away. maybe that’s just a delusion. perhaps. no. i know it’s a delusion. because all my problems cant go away just like that. but some of my problems can. right? you’re a main reason why i’m sad right NOW. so you can tell me. should i wait. or should i move on. i know the answer you’re gonna give me. you know it too. so why am i even asking?