Unsent messages to ALEXA

I am very in love with you, I feel like you are my special someone, but I know that you actually already have someone special and I understand it, but I can't be with you and act like it doesn't hurt. I'm sorry for walking away, but it's for the best

I love you but at the same time I can’t stand you. You claim to be my best friend but you don’t know anything about me. You steal things from me, you talk to people that have hurt me, and you never shut the fuck up.

I see you slipping. it's breaking my heart. please let me fucking help you. I need you. i don't wanna do this without you.

I’m sorry I acted so weird around you in middle school, but I had such a big crush. I thought for sure you were straight. But i came across you on the HER app last year and learned you are not! Remember when you held my hand and taught me to roller skate? I still think about that all the time.

You were the only girl I truly loved. I tried to show you that you were the only person i ever wanted, but your trust issues got in the way. I miss you everyday

dios, no tengo palabras para decir lo mucho que te amo y me gustas, eres mi primer amor y el unico, te amo tanto que no he podido olvidarte.. ¿te acuerdas de la primera vez que nos vimos? desde ahí me gustas, casi 3 años.. no he podido olvidarte pero creo que lo nuestro ya no tiene solución, soy una niña.. siempre malogro nuestra relación pero aún así siempre trato de dar lo mejor de mi... quisiera volver contigo pero solo nos lastimamos.. la vez que dijiste que fue un error.. una vez pensé lo mismo pero no puede ser un error algo tan lindo que tuve.. pero bueno mereces algo mejor que si sea madurx como tu dijiste bebé, yo no lo soy.. lo siento

You were the sun to my moon, honestly I loved you, I never really wanted to admit it though, i’m so sorry we had to let go, but that’s not the end of our story, i miss you so much, i feel like we’re drifting apart but that’s ok, i’ll still love you.

u have been one of my most amazing friendships and i finally was happy but you’re slowly leaving me and i hate it

I’m struggling to decide whether to file this under your name or initials. If I put your initials, there’s no chance you’ll ever find it and I can be left with my secret. But I’m not even sure if that’s what I want. I want to be seen by you. I want to know if you feel the same. But I don’t want to be the one to put myself out there.

I just wanted to tell you that I’m fantasizing about what could have been.

My thoughts stem from when we were planning your sweet 16 on your couch in February. You wanted to have a 90s black light party. And I just couldn’t help but imagine.

The room being dark and the music being loud. Us both in themed dresses. And me, pushing the closeted hottest girl in school into a corner and kissing her. And it being like every good scene in Nerve or Euphoria-just kissing you in the neon lights.

But that could never happen. Cause we’ll be spending this year apart. And likely every other year now that you moved. And you’re in love with a girl you’ve never met. And I’m bitter. But I guess we’ll always have that moment in my imagination on that day in February.

How are you doing? I think about you when it rains. Do you remember the way you kissed me at stoplights?

I still think about the way you held my hand when u were nervous. I wish you still found comfort in my touch