From: ABC
To: alexa
Date: October 1, 2020, 3:06 am
I’m struggling to decide whether to file this under your name or initials. If I put your initials, there’s no chance you’ll ever find it and I can be left with my secret. But I’m not even sure if that’s what I want. I want to be seen by you. I want to know if you feel the same. But I don’t want to be the one to put myself out there.
I just wanted to tell you that I’m fantasizing about what could have been.
My thoughts stem from when we were planning your sweet 16 on your couch in February. You wanted to have a 90s black light party. And I just couldn’t help but imagine.
The room being dark and the music being loud. Us both in themed dresses. And me, pushing the closeted hottest girl in school into a corner and kissing her. And it being like every good scene in Nerve or Euphoria-just kissing you in the neon lights.
But that could never happen. Cause we’ll be spending this year apart. And likely every other year now that you moved. And you’re in love with a girl you’ve never met. And I’m bitter. But I guess we’ll always have that moment in my imagination on that day in February.