i miss you like crazy. and its all my fault. I loved you more than anything and I cant stop thinking about the past and what could have been. im sorry I was so scared... I miss you and your house and your bed. why didn't you say anything? why didn't I say anything ? it breaks my heart that you got over it and forgot about everything. what about all of those letters and late night texts ? im sorry that you'll never love me like that again and im sorry for fucking it up . I love you forever my sweet girl

it hurts so much when i look at you. you don’t know it and that’s why it hurts. i hope he knows what he has.

Why the fuck is your mom telling us we can't have sleepovers? We're in this circle, it'll go back to how it was in april. i can't do this again. i'm so scared of you losing you zoe. what if this is what makes us drift? was october our peak? we are going back to poor mental health, sleeping till 3, facetiming for hours. i can't do this again. i want to go back. to february when we went skiing. your dad would take us every weekend. the smell of the waffles lingers. as if it wasn't 9 months ago. 9 fucking months. where did the time go? it was yesterday we were belting defying gravity in the van. we were happy. we were kids. i'm scared we lost that. i want to stay kids forever. not all this shit about boyfriends and kissing. promise me, we'll never grow up. okay?

i messed up our friendship- i completely blame myself and although we speak again I will never forgive myself for not being as close to you. i think of you every once in a while. i miss you.

I don't care if u never liked me. I at least cared for you. Oh and your sister is a ungrateful a$$hole just like u. I hope ur gf cheats on u. Xoxo have a good life ?✌️?

I keep thinking about messaging you, checking in to see how your doing, but we havent talked in so long since we broke up, i dont think i can bring myself too. I miss you.

I struggled with so much this past year and you helped me through it all. I'm so sorry that I couldn't save our friendship. I love you like a sister.

sometimes i still replay the little moments in my head. i miss being in your arms but whatever this was ended for the best.

i can’t decide whether i’m jealous of you like you or just hate you my feelings are so temperamental and you’re the only friend i haven’t fancied which is saying something i hate how you get in the way of my relationship but i also love you’re stupid humour and think you’re actually quite pretty my one and only flex is getting that half a grade higher one time in geography

im so sorry that this didnt work out, but im really glad youre happy now. if we could start over, i would do anything for you.

You made me realize I was gay but I can’t even look at you. I wish I could but a part of me knows it will never happen

you make my heart hurt but i’m also so grateful that i fell in love with you. i used to beg the universe to let me have my first love and you are her. I wish you loved me.

i miss you more than you would think. we all do. i wish you couldve seen us now and known what itd be like without you.

Hey, I kinda miss you, you were so chill but then you went to England and we only hung out once and then when you came back we never hung out. But you’re cool and it was always sm fun with you

I'm sorry for ghosting you, I never had feelings for you and I felt guilty for pretending I did, when I realized what I had agreed to I got scared and ran away and never spoke to you again. Its been thee years and I still don't have the balls to say I'm sorry

Im sorry i treated you so bad, you gave me so much to appreciate and i threw it all away. I will always regret it.

You little precious bum thank you for existing and staying alive we should rlly vibe with girl in red and eat cereals together at 2am :D

i burned all my goodbye letters to you. every single one. there were hundreds. but right now you are making me want to write more.

i’m hiding so much pain from you. it’s scaring me how easy it is. it scares me how easy it is for you to hide something from me.

you will probably never see this. if you do, i miss you. you told me you aren't ready, when will you be? - i think you know who

You were my first real girlfriend and my best friend. I treasure the time we were together. You'll always still be a special person to me. I know there were times where I treated you unfairly and I regret that. I'm still learning to love myself and I hope you are to. I miss you.

Please, take better care of yourself. You are so good and it's a shame that you're the only one who can't see it.

Every person perceives you different than how you think they do and no one will actually know you the way you know yourself. You proved that right and i hate that you did. And if I were you l'd try and make make you feel bad for that but I'm not you no matter how much I wanted to be I'm me the person everyone deems as a monster or psychopath but I'm not instead I'm just a person who doesn't understand many and what's so bad about that even if you want me to see my self as the villain in my own story I wont because after all villains are just people whose stories haven't been shared but I don't blame you either even if you left me when I was in unimaginable pain even though when I tried my best to explain my true story you never understood even though you said you did even though you blamed me for everything even if you hurt me just as much even before you left what hurt the most is you watched me burn out and cave into myself but you never noticed.Even if i cant sleep because when I do I have nightmares of you .And even after everything you still made me feel as if I should apologize for existing and I'm still sorry for that I'm still sorry that I'm too lond or confident or annoying or that I smile too much but even after i feel all these emotions I still can't blame you I can't talk to you without wanting to cry or be afraid you'll get mad at me and even if I have all these emotions I wont tell you because I know what you're going to say and that might be worse then dying but even if we weren't meant to be I'm glad it felt that way for awhile and I'm glad you almost made me love myself, almost. But even when i hated everyone I never thought that I could ever hate i walking around everywhere feeling like I was alone that everyone else didn't exist I felt like that for a long time but I met you and i was okay for a longtime even when they weren't so happy I was glad I alteast had you thanks for that but I guess pain deserves to be felt and im still sorry it was all a mistake and i regret it all even if it shows me you never loved me the way I did you.

You'll never think to come here and see what I have to say about you but every time I think about how our friendship ended it hurts me. You may think I'm the villain and continuously try to blame me for every little thing that goes wrong in your life but one day you'll have to accept that you fucked it up, not me. I tried to fix things multiple times, I tried to initiate talks and I put in a lot of effort not to shit on you behind your back - something you clearly didn't do. One day, I hope you reminisce back on our friendship and how YOU singlehandedly dissolved it. We should have never stopped being friends because of a small spat but alas, we are here. One day I hope you are successful and think back to how you treated me like shit and I hope it rides on your conscience because you were the closest thing to a best friend I probably ever knew and I know that I am the most genuine friend that you had. Hope I stay in your brain rent free xoxo

p.s good luck on your move, your roommate constantly complains about you behind your back but what happens to and around you is no longer my business anymore x

all of my friends tell me i couldn't stop what you said about me, but i can't help blame myself. i still worry about you and i know i shouldn't because it's obvious you don't care. i should hate you but i can't. i hope you know how much you made me hate myself. i felt hopeless and lifeless without you. you ruined me zoe.

Screw you, you used me for those concert tickets and a year later you unadded and blocked me on everything, again, screw you

ily. but not the shit that people say all the time, i mean that. your the reason i live. i don't know what i'd do without you. when i'm not around you i get in a dark place. yea sure, you can be annoying but never take any of the shit i say to heart. i know i can be mean sometimes, i don't know why i'm like that. sometimes i lose myself, i don't even recognize the mirror. you bring me back to reality. your fucking crazy sometimes and i don't know fucking why. you put up with my bullshit and i appreciate it.

I just want to go to the beach at 12 at night with you and just sit and talk while hugging on the sand. that's all i really want

I wish I had kissed you when we were crying together next to each other on the last day of school... I'll do it next time I see you

hey zo it's me. Im sad that stupid fight caused us to fall out but it was bound to happen right? you decided you wanted space and i decided i wanted to kms. It was for the best that we stopped being close.

I miss u tho sucks that you've never been yourself -- wish you would stop reflecting the personalities of others.

It’s almost your birthday and I still can’t believe ur really gone. Since ours are so close idk if a year will pass that I don’t remember you. I miss laughing at practice with you so much. It kills me that I can’t remember the last thing I said to you. Although it had been 2 years if you had called I would have picked up. I would have done anything to stop you from ending it.

i wish i was the only one for you. i wish i really was your everything. but i’m not. and we both know it but you won’t admit it. ouch.

i’m 99% sure that you mean way more to me than i do to you. you don’t need me. you really really don’t. you are better of without me while i’m hanging by a thread and you are keeping my head above water. i thought i was more to you.

I don't know how to say this because you're my best friend, but I really love you, not just as friends.

Zoe I am so sorry for what I did. I’m so sorry. I see you in the hallways and all I want to do is apologize Zoe I am so sorry

our love is out of this world. i really hope it doesn’t die out. i really do. because if it does, i’ll still love you.

i just thought of this:

in my eyes, i have hurt you the most out of anyone, but i also love you the most out of anyone.

i don’t think that’s a good thing..

i’m so fucking excited to see you zoe. you have no idea how much i miss seeing your face and holding you. fuck it hurts girlypop. it really fucking does.

you failed me. i told you everything and you disregarded everything. i attempted to kill myself because you were the only person I had, and you left me. i told you before my mind would become fucked. my meds are too strong and I attempted to kill myself in October. i hope you never find this but I tried. i really thought this friendship would last forever. guess I was wrong. don't try to contact me ever, because if you do I'll hurt myself even more. you're lucky I promised the devil I wouldn't kill myself so my friends can reach their goals in life. wish the best for you in the future. thanks for talking shit about me and ghosting me. at least I know the truth about you finally, it always shows.

These past couple of years I have realized how great of a friend you are. You're a real one. Just know that it's okay to be yourself.

i hope somehow you see these and think of me, and if you're reading this. text me, you know who to text.

im not mad, sad, upset, infuriated, salty, bitter, flustered, annoyed, furious, or enraged. i just miss you so much. i wish i never ended our friendship. i miss you, your cat, our laughs, our smiles, our cries, our screams, our sleeps, i miss us. i wish you could see how much i value you, i'm sorry. txt me

it wasn't worth it, because at the end of the day i don't have you. i just miss our ft and calls. i'd do anything in the entire world to ft you and pretend none of it happened. you also keep showing up in my dreams idk i just miss you, and i hate how we "hate" each other because i dont. i dont hate you at all, not one bit. I was wrong about everything. i would take it all back

i think we aren’t on the same page about our friendship. i thought we loved each more. i thought you cared about me more. you are acting like this friendship isn’t special. ouch.

Zoe, my favorite bruh girl. Can I call you that? You’re the realest real one and you mean more to me than you will ever know.

i’m so happy we had that conversation. a huge weight is lifted. but i still have a heavy weight which is missing your warmth.

I loved you. And if I hurt you I wish you would’ve told me what I did before you stopped talking to me completely one day

you hate it when i call you z, because that was reserved for when we were together. before i hurt you, i’m terribly sorry. some days i can feel the sting of hatred you still have for me, yet i’m profoundly happy you have accepted us as friends again. i miss the old us, goodnight you.

i’m always going to love you no matter what. even if you don’t love me i’ll still love you like crazy.

i’m always going to love you no matter what. even if you don’t love me i’ll still love you like crazy.