Unsent messages to MARIE

i’ve missed you for two years too long.

Happy late birthday.
Can we skip to the good part?

I wish I could take your pain away so you'll see the amazing things you're destined to

I love you <3

I just realized that it was all my fault and I've been blaming you for months
can we start over ?

It should've been me, not you. Not a single day went by since it happened. I miss you.

i love marie<3

I miss our friendship and still think about that one kiss we had

i can't read u. i wonder what you about me. us.

I love you

I remember when u sharted at work <3

I will be always your safeplace even if it hurts

I did many things i regret, and i'm so sorry we fell apart, but at the same time i know it just wasn't meant to be. However, you will always be my soulmate and the best friend of my heart. Have a lovely life.

I convinced myself you’d be the understanding person I hoped you were if you were to not return my feelings but I was wrong. We are friends now but I don’t think I can talk to you as happily as I did before.

I love you and you're my twin all our covos are so muhc fun I love annoying you it brightens my day?

i still can't believe you're gone. it's been two weeks since i found out. i can't get you out of my mind. the only thing i can think about is how you died only hours after i held you in my arms under the moon. i should have kissed you. i should have been brave and kissed you. i was so mad at myself after because i hadn't. 'next time,' i thought. 'next time i'll kiss her and tell her i love her.' but there wasn't a next time, marie, you were gone before i could hold your soft hands in mine again. i miss you more than i thought was possible. i loved you. i should have told you. what a life we could've had. the night we danced under the moon was also the night you died. i cannot think of one and not the other. you were heaven-sent into my arms, but it was time for you to go home. i know that now. it still hurts to breath when i think of you. i would do anything to be with you again. which is why i'm writing this, so you won't be surprised when i show up in the afterlife a few decades before i'm supposed to. i know you wouldn't want me to, but quiet frankly, blondie, you're dead and it isn't really your decision. i'll see you soon.

You are the best and worst thing that has ever happened to me. I love you very much and I wish you a healthy future

They always say "fall in love with your best friend" but never tell you how to cope when they don't love you like that.

There are SO many words and things i want to say to you. so many things and at this point i really do not know what you're thinking and i could care less. When everyone asked me what was wrong, I said nothing. I was not gonna drag you to your friend group, but what do you do? as soon as it happens you tell part of the story to make people hate me. and it genuinely just makes me believe that there is no way you ever wanted anything good from us. I know i hurt you but turning around and making someone im still in love with's girlfriend tell her she can't even talk to me ever is kinda bullshit. I'm glad you're the only one whose not allowed to know their emotions. also how many times did i tell you to move on? how many times did i tell you i didn't know and that i was a mess and that you should just leave? how many? and you said you would wait for me? hah yeah right. shit talking will really make me want to be with you. Im sorry but no. that just enrages me. And now i cant even text her without thinking oh theyre gonna look at her messages and literally yell at her and get mad at her if i text her. Im glad she's already forcing her to stop talking to people. It's been two fucking months. how long did it take you to get over everything? that was my first super intimate relationship. and im not a fucking jumper. i dont just fuck around until i can get my head back on. i guess you wanted me to be dependent on you. thats not how healthy relationships are formed. now i doubt any of this makes sense but i hope you have a good fucking life.

I can't explain how much I care. Im sorry I was an asshole at times. I didn't know what I was doing. Im sorry I didn't give u everything u wanted, but I wish u knew what I had going in my head and how hard I tried

hey if ur reading this, its me lol
im sure yk who this is dhcbdhcb
anyway i wanna let u know that i fkin love u and ur the only person i truly trust

We talked under the stars for hours on end. We talked at the beach when thunder was booming over the cold sea. I even let you meet my parents. You said that your would never break up with me, and never over text. A week went by and at 22:17 30th. of august you sent that message.
You said you still loved me and I meant more to you than I'll ever know but yet you treat me like I'm a complete stanger?
I guess I wasn't the one for you, and you're still young.
You were a chapter in my book and I were a lesson to learn, barely a page.
I still love you, I guess that never will change.
I was your first love and I hoped that you were my last. You still have more people to love and to lose to find the right person.
I wasn't as timeless as I tough I were.
The timing wasn't right for you but it was for me, oh marie please don't hurt yourself and fall for someone that doesn't give you they're all like I did.
I hope they give you poetry, I hope they make you a playlist to show their love for you, I hope they hold your hand a little tighter, I hope they kiss you for a while longer, I hope they write messages to put in a bottle and throw them out in the ocean while having the biggest smiles on your faces, I hope that they will travel the whole world if that was what it takes just to see you smile, I hope you lay in bed talking to them till 3 in the morning, I hope that you stay up at a party talking to each other till 7 am next morning, and most of all I hope that you lave them will all you got, and I hope they will love you as much as I did or just close.

x A

You treat me like a stranger after all I have shown you.
I gave you poetry, I made you a playlist, I traveled over 300+ km just to see you and when you bailed out on me I said it was okay because I just wanted you to be okay. I loved you more than anything.