Unsent Messages

There are SO many words and things i want to say to you. so many things and at this point i really do not know what you're thinking and i could care less. When everyone asked me what was wrong, I said nothing. I was not gonna drag you to your friend group, but what do you do? as soon as it happens you tell part of the story to make people hate me. and it genuinely just makes me believe that there is no way you ever wanted anything good from us. I know i hurt you but turning around and making someone im still in love with's girlfriend tell her she can't even talk to me ever is kinda bullshit. I'm glad you're the only one whose not allowed to know their emotions. also how many times did i tell you to move on? how many times did i tell you i didn't know and that i was a mess and that you should just leave? how many? and you said you would wait for me? hah yeah right. shit talking will really make me want to be with you. Im sorry but no. that just enrages me. And now i cant even text her without thinking oh theyre gonna look at her messages and literally yell at her and get mad at her if i text her. Im glad she's already forcing her to stop talking to people. It's been two fucking months. how long did it take you to get over everything? that was my first super intimate relationship. and im not a fucking jumper. i dont just fuck around until i can get my head back on. i guess you wanted me to be dependent on you. thats not how healthy relationships are formed. now i doubt any of this makes sense but i hope you have a good fucking life.