Unsent messages to MADDY

you dont even pay attention to me anymore

i wish i could tell you whats going on in my head, but i cant tell how real ur being with me

I love you so. My favorite memories are with you. I might be in love with you.

one year ago today. i wish that sleepover never happened. i love you

I don’t want to be with you but why am I upset that you seem to have moved on?

i miss how close we used to be, i miss you

how could you have been so cruel?

I don’t think i’ll ever love someone as much as i love you. Come back home when you’re ready ml. <3

i know u still think of me

right person wrong time xox

i wish i could tell you how sorry i am. i wish everything went differently, i love you beautiful

if we’re being fr i think i was just jealous you got to wear your feelings on your sleeve

I want to marry you Madeline

I feel guilty for wanting a chance with you

I just wanna go back and undo everything that happened

When will be together?

these streets don't feel the same after walking them with you

I worry about us a lot

u don’t even know how much i adore u

I love your freckles they are like constellations of stars

in the dream i don’t tell anyone, you put your head in my lap

i think about you all the time and i don't know why. Sometimes I wonder if you ever think about me too but I doubt it.

u need to stop being there for everyone when ur struggling already
I love u so much and I can tell ur drained

Snoop Dogg has to put himself first sometimes how else could he get to the top

i split bc i feel like we’re 2 different now maddy. quarantine changed me. when u knew me, i hated who i was, i tried 2 hard 2 fit in, when somebody didn’t like me it felt like the end of the world, i was so codependent n clingy it got toxic, i was lonely. tht was y i loved u so desperately maddy, bc i saw myself in u. u just wanted a friend, somebody who treated u like u were important, somebody who loved u more than anything else. i tend 2 b a fixer upper in these kinds of situations, n i knew i could give u what u wanted. i never thought u would give me what i wanted 2. i still read tht letter u wrote me last christmas. i still think abt how i was the first person u txted when u tried dying ur hair. i still wish 1 of my friends would randomly txt me ily like u did. sometimes i can still feel ur hand on my cheek as u wiped away my tears. u looked @ me like u saw stars in my eyes maddy. i used 2 wish i could b the person u thought i was. now i don’t have 2. i became her. i’m kind n i’m intelligent n i’m talented n superficiality doesn’t phase me anymore n i’ve ... grown up. i’ve grown apart from u, n you’ve grown apart from me 2. it doesn’t mean ur bad or undeserving or anything, it’s okay, it happens. if u ever need me, i will always b here 4 u. i will always love u w everything i am. but we’re meant 4 different things maddy. i had a tarot card reading once tht said our separation was apart of the big timeline. we were inevitable n we were meant 2 change us. some of my readings say we’ll meet again, others say this cycle is over, some say our pride is keeping us apart still. all of them say it’s up 2 us maddy. we’re in control of our own fate.

im sorry my mental health got in the way so badly i wish i could show you ive grown and make it up to you

you weren't my first love, but you were my first real best friend and that's what made it hurt 10x harder when you found someone new...

I miss you everyday you were truly my greatest best friend. I'm sorry I never got to say goodbye to you I have no idea how your life is now, but I wish you the best. I still dream about seeing you again and having that same friendship we had before. Even though its probably never going to happen its still fun to imagine.

you're wrong. just because you've never experienced love doesn't mean there isn't such a thing. I understand how we're young and he's even younger but that doesn't mean anything. age is just a number and you're just a bitch

i like you so much but i am afraid that you and i clash and things aren't working out as we hoped they were...

5 hours isn’t enough time for me to explain how much I miss you. It was amazing hearing your voice. It was amazing falling asleep on the phone together.
I love you endlessly.

I know we weren’t anything for long but you are my favorite fling and I do wish we could at least be good friends.

you light up everyone around you maddy and i hope you know how much you're worth to me. you brought me out of my shell and taught me how to have fun, and for that ill always b grateful

You have a boyfriend even though you radiate mad lesbian energy and it makes me crumble inside I literally imagine I’m with you at night it’s so bad

i love you more than i can admit. youre the light at the end of a very dark tunnel. stay you and stay strong.

i wish you were aware on how much it bothered me when you said i only call you when im high. dont take it personal, jesus fuck i never even felt anything towards you, we just had a casual friendship. plus i wouldnt only call you when high, i was sober at times. leave me alone, im trying to be better.

I loved you as a best friend, you know how we wrote those love letters as joke i really liked the one you wrote for me and to be honest i meant everything that i wrote in that joke letter. I love you :)

I wanna spend the rest of my life with you, but you wanna spend the rest of your life with Harry Styles...

“I know we needed sometime apart, a little space to reevaluate what we’re looking for, and if someday we find our way back to eachother I know we’ll be better for it. Still, I miss you. And most of the time I think it would be better to be fools together than sensible without you.”
The little pieces I have of you are amazing, yet still I miss all of you. I miss being about to kiss you whenever I want. Now when I want to, I get sad bc I can’t do that anymore. I never thought you’d be the one that got away. But my god, I pray every night that you’re the one that comes back. I’ll never give up hope. You’ll forever be my always.

hey.

you already know i liked you because i told you last year. i remember the minute i sent the text i frantically text my friends and the the notification popped up that you were typing and i shat myself i swear lmao. anyway um
your response was probably the best response i couldve gotten and you told me you didnt even know if you liked girls and that no one had never liked you before??!?@? i mean hello how...
to be honest i cried a whole lot. i always use the excuse i wasnt asking you out, just letting you KNOW how i felt hoping it would make you feel good :) but i think a part of me deep down really wanted you to say 'no way, ive liked you two. this whole time!' but i also knew that wasn't even likely to happen yikes.
and then i fell in love.
i fell in love with you and your smile and your beautiful hair and your giggle and the way you spoke when you got nervous. it kept me going for a while even though we didnt speak once after i confessed to you. honestly i was okay if i saw you smile with your friends (btw that bitch sucked u kno who she is the mf was crusty as hell i hope u dont speak no more).
yeah anyways
it was months of me working up the damn courage to speak to you and invite you to that thing happening but then ofc corona happened and everything got cancelled and then you werent there anymore
it was difficult really
even when we werent speaking i still got to see you every thursday and that was more than enough
i remember posting long ass paragraphs on my spam about how much i missed you and how id probably never see you again
and i haven't seen you since.
i think the worst part is that i still have such a clear image of you in my head, i still remember your voice and how delicately you spoke, i still remember the time i made you laugh and how i was telling my friends for weeks. i still remember the time you waved at me and i almost passed tf out on the way into english.
even though this is all just a memory now, im still in love with you. i have been for a year and two months now, and honestly, the feeling of my heart swelling when i think about you doesnt seem like its gonna go away for a long time.
but thats okay, because i still got to make friends with you, i got to hear you laugh, i got to hear you talk about what you were most passionsate about, i got to hear you tell me about yourself.
and im really thankful about that.
i hope youre doing okay.
i hope you'll find someone who makes you smile and laugh, i hope you find someone who will get to hear you talk about your interests, i hope you find someone who will have the pleasure of getting to know you, i hope you find someone who makes you feel giddy inside. i hope they love you so so much.
know one thing though, they'll never deserve you, because youre special. really special. i really miss you maddy.
i hope youre doing okay.

Hehe guess who, there's something i havent told you yet. I don't wanna hurt you but things aren't the same as they were. i can't tell you this because it would break you, and i wouldn't be able to live with that. I don't wanna do this anymore but I gotta keep lying to myself to keep you safe. Pls forgive me.

I don’t know how to tell you I like girls and I don’t know how to say I like you without killing our friendship…

i feel like i should hate you, but i don't. i love you and i truly do care about you even though you've hurt me. i don't understand why you just make me question everything. do you hate me or not? do you even want me in your life? it just feels like im nothing to you. i don't know why i still hold on.

Hey.. it’s me and I just wanted to say I’m sorry for everything I put you through and all the lies I told about you. No one deserves to have to go through what I put u through. IMY baby?

I know you don't think about me anymore, so I'm not sure why I still care what you think so much, but it's like every decision I make, is for you.

I know you don't love me back, or even like me as anything more than a friend, but sometimes I wonder if we're even that. Do you really like me? Or do you just take pity on me? Wish you could get rid of me?

i wish we were together at that time. You are the perfect person, this is just the wrong time for us. and it suck and it hurts. I wish i could feel you, but i cant. I love you

thank you for sharing every one of your favorite songs with me. i cant listen without thinking of you.

Just gotta say, I’m glad we happened because now I know exactly what to avoid in relationships. Hope you realise that what you do hurts people at some point because you won’t be excused for it forever