Unsent messages to KILLIAN

I love you so much that I let you go to be with the one you looked for in a crowded hallway, but I still look for you.

I love you so much that I let you go to be with the one who you always looked for in a crowded hallway, but I still look for you.

I need you to let me go. I need you to forget about me and not think twice. I don’t want to be alive anymore, I know you love me but you have know idea the demons I’m hiding. You think I’m happy, I’d rather you take her me that way. We dated once and then you moved and you’re coming back and talking to me again. And it feels nice but I’m already having doubts, it’s just you much right now. I wasn’t ok when we first dated and I’m still not, I don’t want to hurt you. So please just leave. I am so messed up, and feel empty and numb cry myself to sleep most nights if I’m not numb. You have no idea and that is ok, I just can’t do this, and it breaks my heart, because I don’t tell anyone the demons I hide, that is why I need you to leave me behind. I don’t know how to tell you I’m so mentally fucked up I can’t love you, I’m drained and exhausted. I am fighting everyday. I am so stressed, my anxiety is getting worse and I’m getting worse everyday. I don’t even know how much longer I’ll be here. I hope a long time I don’t want to hurt anyone and I know a lot of people need me. I haven’t been happy for longer than 7 days in at least 6 years, and a lot of that “happiness” was fake happiness my brain made up. I call it happy numb. I wish you the best. And though I’ll never send this to you or you’ll never see it, or realize it’s me, I pray every night that you lose feelings for me and a better girl comes in your life one that can make you happy, someone better than me. This is the second one I’ve wrote to you today. I did both in green because it’s your favorite color. Have an amazing life killian ?

I think I love you. But I can’t do this, I know you love me, but I’m too messed up and you don’t deserve to fall with me. I’ve been falling for a really long time, you deserve someone better than me, someone who’s happy all the time. I just can’t be that person I wish I was happy and not messed up too, don’t worry. I’m really sorry. I wish you the best, leave and don’t look back, ok? Thanks for everything

You told me I was the only one you trusted, I fell hard for you and then you left me like you never loved me. I told myself to never fall in love again and now look where it got me.