Unsent Messages

I need you to let me go. I need you to forget about me and not think twice. I don’t want to be alive anymore, I know you love me but you have know idea the demons I’m hiding. You think I’m happy, I’d rather you take her me that way. We dated once and then you moved and you’re coming back and talking to me again. And it feels nice but I’m already having doubts, it’s just you much right now. I wasn’t ok when we first dated and I’m still not, I don’t want to hurt you. So please just leave. I am so messed up, and feel empty and numb cry myself to sleep most nights if I’m not numb. You have no idea and that is ok, I just can’t do this, and it breaks my heart, because I don’t tell anyone the demons I hide, that is why I need you to leave me behind. I don’t know how to tell you I’m so mentally fucked up I can’t love you, I’m drained and exhausted. I am fighting everyday. I am so stressed, my anxiety is getting worse and I’m getting worse everyday. I don’t even know how much longer I’ll be here. I hope a long time I don’t want to hurt anyone and I know a lot of people need me. I haven’t been happy for longer than 7 days in at least 6 years, and a lot of that “happiness” was fake happiness my brain made up. I call it happy numb. I wish you the best. And though I’ll never send this to you or you’ll never see it, or realize it’s me, I pray every night that you lose feelings for me and a better girl comes in your life one that can make you happy, someone better than me. This is the second one I’ve wrote to you today. I did both in green because it’s your favorite color. Have an amazing life killian ?