Unsent messages to KIANA

Hey, don’t know if you’ll ever apologize to me for acting so insanely toxic to me, but it’s whatever? i mean it’s really not okay with what you did. you eternally scarred me and turned me into such a monster. you made a little joke about cutting yourself that wasn’t even true. what the fuck is actually wrong with you? you’re the reason i have trust issues, why i’m afraid to take that next step in life, why i linger onto the past, and why i’m scared of people. yes there were people who hurt me even worse, but you stand out. i hate the fact you got away with so much. you ruined my friendship with the person i had left. all because you had something to say. i cant believe i went with what you said. now i’m stuck with all of these feelings that have been bottled up and a messy relationship with the person i loved. i know i shouldn’t blame others for my actions but god dammit you hurt me so badly. i hope you’re happy now, and i hope you remember what you did. your actions are unforgivable. forgive and forget? fuck that. i’ll always remember what you did.

if you think abt it, we dont rlly have much in common but we kinda jus click ig lol im so grateful for you

I love you, you’re my best friend, and here’s a note for you... I’m not a good friend to you like you are to me. I always expect you to be the hype girl and be as interested in something as I am— and it makes me feel awful. I’ve never seen you this mad, I know it’s not at me, but I’ve never seen you so hurt. It makes my heart ache cause I wish I could hug you 24/7 and watch movies and talk about boys and have everything be okay. I look up to you more than anyone else. You ARE my ride or die ok? I just want to make you happy and make you feel better. I’m sorry for expecting too much from you, you are amazing but you’re not perfect and you do go through phases of depression, anxiety, loneliness, etc. and I know that I should never be your 1. Priority. You are your 1. Priority. Ok? I hope we’re friends for ever and ever and you’ll be the maid of honor at my wedding. I seriously love you

its been months and i cant stop thinking about you. i thought it would be easier to let go, better for us, but it hurts so much. i miss you and i wish you were still in my life, because it hasn't been the same without you. if i was able to, i'd go back and do things differently. i want to reach out, but i'd hate for you to be upset with me by doing so :( i'm holding myself back but i don't know how long i can handle this.