i have no idea how i even feel about you anymore. i miss you, yet i also hope i never speak to you again. i reread our idiotic google docs from when things were "good" but the thing is, we were toxic from the absolute start. i do believe that there was genuine love, but our relationship was a constant game of cat and mouse. we took turns manipulating one another until one of us got burned out. it was sick, and neither of us should have gone through that pain. maybe the reason you won't leave my mind is guilt, maybe i am simply still craving your love (however toxic is may have been.) i just wish i was able to move on as easily as you. i want to write you a letter but at the same time i get nauseous at the thought of directly communicating with you. oh well, the universe will guide me. thoughts of you must cease eventually, right?

hi. i wrote about you a while ago. i dont remember when. i tried to find what i wrote but i couldnt. ive moved on now. thank you for being in my life.

this is about the time that we became friends last year, huh?

take me back. i want to relive every second i had with you.

halloween night, i ended up in the hospital. before that, i debated visiting you & tapping on your window to tell you that i loved you.

even when i am dying, you are the only thing on my mind.

You are a seriously psychotic human being. You say the most random crap at the most random times and it’s one of the funniest things ever. But I also think you’re just a really nice guy. And you give great hugs. You’re the baby of our little family and you certainly act the part. I’m just kidding but I am really grateful that I get to have you in my life. Your family is crazy and your car smells terrible but you’re a gem of a person and I love you so much. And I’ll always be here to protect you from stupid Reagen because he’s mean and you don’t deserve that.

god fucking damn it, i'm going insane. i keep convincing myself that you're sending me "signs." get out of my head- i miss you, but get out of my head. it's killing me.

i miss you. every second of every minute of every hour of every day. you don't believe i love you but i assure you, you are the only one i love.

this is the second submission i’ve made cos honestly it’s kinda therapeutic yikes but today was like almost perfect. when i saw that we were out in the same group for the project i was so so happy and the whole day was almost like a dream. i don’t want to look into everything to much cos then i’ll get my hopes up but us just sitting next to each other and all the little things meant like the world to me like us practically holding hands and leaning on each other and joking around and like the non verbal communicating was so so cute and even you like squeezing my hand and tapping my foot was cute like i dunno if i’m crazy but how could you do all that and it mean absolutely nothing but i still hate the way you think everyone cares about your business like i feel like you hold back because you’re worried that someone might see or call you out on whatever we are and it’s not fair on me. why can’t you get past yourself also bruh side note you snapped me right as i’m typing this hehe

what is it about her? you said you just know each other really well but you can’t let her completely go?? i don’t think i could ever fucking compare to her

I would've done done anything for you but you wouldn't even give me the time of day. But I guess everything happens the way it's suppose to. I really hope you find your person, I know I already lost mine.

you said we worked "better in a bubble; we need our bubble" but it seems that's not a necessity for you & her.

you look genuinely happy. i'm so joyful for that; i just wish that it was i who was making you smile.

you said that even if we ended on bad terms you would still take me on a road trip. i know that will never happen, but i still am hoping that one day you'll show up and take my hand in yours.

i wish i knew what your spotify was. sometimes, i feel like we listen to the same song at the same time. it's just a feeling.

I just wish you’d say something, I was there every time you felt shit about this breakup and maybe I could of handled it better, but you just used me until you were done and now you’ve left me to pick up the pieces. You can’t even tell me why.

i hope the play is going well. you looked happy in the picture; don't stop grinning that perfect smirk.

get the fuck out of my head already, okay? i'm so tired. it's been 3-ish months now. please go away. it hurts.

how is it that i still find myself crying out for you in the dark? how is it i still have tears that scream your name?

to jake,
i miss you every single day i cant believe its been 4 years without you. You made me happy and always was kind and funny.You had the purest soul and was the most deserving person on this planet.You always went out of your way to make everyone feel loved and special, im so sorry what happend to you no one deserves to go through that. I hope to be with you soon.
cya bud.

bro i actually care about you so much and you are literally the most important person in my life rn and i could go on for forever talking about all the things i like about you but you’re just so confusing and the mixed signals are so overwhelming and exhausting like you could make me feel on top of the world then the next minute i could literally want to cry all because of a little comment you made that you probs didn’t even think twice about after. it’s so unfair for much i care for you and i still don’t know how you feel. i feel like i’m wasting my time and will ultimately be hurt but i’d rather that then not being as close we are now but being constantly confused.

really wanna reach out and say merry christmas, but i also wish i had never sent those exact words last year.

i’m sorry i didn’t realize you were everything i wanted, i couldn’t see that until it was too late.

Come home, my heart yearns for you still after all this time.

i will always think of you. i wish we had sung together one last time. i miss my best friend

i don’t think i could ever forgive you for how you treated me at the end

I’d give anything to end up with you

ur’e constantly breaking my heart.

It’s me-I miss you but am hurt equal years in another’s life as out now what a shame,
would u no me?

i love you 3000. please come back to me. ill wait forever baby

i’m sorry for the way i treated you. i’m working to be better. i want it to be you. i love you

For what it’s worth i still like you, i cherish linger by the cranberries thanks to you

I appreciate you. I hope you know that . Wish you well

i love you so dearly handsome !!!
⸜(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝♡