Unsent Messages

i have no idea how i even feel about you anymore. i miss you, yet i also hope i never speak to you again. i reread our idiotic google docs from when things were "good" but the thing is, we were toxic from the absolute start. i do believe that there was genuine love, but our relationship was a constant game of cat and mouse. we took turns manipulating one another until one of us got burned out. it was sick, and neither of us should have gone through that pain. maybe the reason you won't leave my mind is guilt, maybe i am simply still craving your love (however toxic is may have been.) i just wish i was able to move on as easily as you. i want to write you a letter but at the same time i get nauseous at the thought of directly communicating with you. oh well, the universe will guide me. thoughts of you must cease eventually, right?