Sometimes I want to ask for my hoodies back just so when I get them they'll smell like you but I know if you actually sent them back I would be even more heartbroken than I already am and I'd never be able to wear them

I wish we could go back to the way we used to be, I dont know what happened between us but its tearing us both apart and I know you arent going to be able to take it much longer. I miss when you used to treat me like the best thing in the universe but now I feel like you just treat me like a friend. I miss our late night talks and when we watched a movie every night but almost never finished one because we'd talk through it or do other things. I miss when youd greet me with sweet names and when you were excited to ft me and you got all happy and giggly. I just miss the old us and I have no clue what I can do to fix it. I just want you to know I will never stop loving you.

Idk why I thought youd actually keep up the reasons to stay alive. I guess I figured youd keep doing it for longer than 2 days. Maybe you just haven't posted it yet or maybe I'm just making more excuses but It just hurt to check every 5 minutes and not see anything.

You were in my dream last night. You were wearing my red hoodie and in the dream we still were broken up but when we met again we hugged and got back together. There wasnt a single time we werent touching in some way and I even remember pinching myself in my dream to try and make sure it was real, apparently dream me is an idiot. I could smell your vanilla perfume and I was able to just hug you and then when I woke up i just felt empty again. That dream was the first time ive felt at peace for weeks. I havent been able to stop thinking about it since I woke up

I truly dont think you love me anymore. How could you leave me so fucking broken and miserable and then tell me I'm not allowed to die, there hasnt been a day I havent broken down and cried at least 3 times, I had a fucking panic attack at the store because I seen a girl that looked similar to you. I'm trying so goddamm hard but it's taking everything in me not to fucking jump off the balcony of this cabin. Honestly at this point I think you're just worried about the guilt youd feel and you think everyone would blame you and that's why you dont want me to do it. I honestly dont think you love me anymore

You gave me so much reassurance the days before we broke up even though you knew you wanted to break up with me. I dont understand why you would do that

people keep telling me it gets better but it still hurts just as much, if not more than when it happened

I was finally able to change my wallpaper. Now instead of seeing you and our song everytime I opened my phone I see a dinosaur

im not going to come on this website anymore, not to write or check if you've written about me. It's bad for my mental health and honestly I'm tired of you telling me you'll do something and not doing it. maybe we will find each other again but right now I don't think you actually want that, I think you're over me already and you just want me to leave you alone. i love you but you have no clue how much I'm hurting right now, it's worse than anything I've ever felt. goodbye Ireland I'll always love you.

I changed my mind. Just because you dont write me stuff on here dosent mean I cant I guess. This is pretty much the only coping mechanism I have right now and you dont read these anyways

The lady we hated at subway texted me asking me to come back to work. I regret not calling in those times you wanted me to stay and talk to you. I wish I could still talk to you

Dear Boy who’s been writing to Ireland,
Hi My name is Ireland ( not the one you where probably hoping for I’m sorry). You say you won’t be coming on here anymore for your mental health and I could agree with that. I haven’t read all of your submissions and won’t because I wouldn’t want to invade your privacy but Ive seen you a whole lot the last couple weeks and can kind of get a sense of what’s been going on just from me browsing trying to find any submissions that could possibly be for me from someone I love but i doubt there ever will be. I just wanted to put this on here in case you ever do have a time where you come on here and check these messages again. It’s going to be okay. Time will heal all and the universe will pick you back up again. I hope the pain eases soon.

Much love and sending the most abundant amounts of good energy
-Ireland I (not all Ireland’s suck I promise)

we were suppose to be "those bitches" in high school. we were suppose to make the best memories with one another, grow up completely together, and cry together. now we're never together. you talk shit about me and I talk shit about you, I know that. but I hope we become better one day, and soon. I hope we go back to normal but grow up. I hope we don't turn into these bad kids but we have the best times of our lives still. I hope we can third wheel one another again one day. fuck I hope we are standing up there as bridesmaids at each others weddings. ireland, lets go back to normal. lets have the best time of our lives again TOGETHER. I love you even tho you've put me through hell and back the last couple months.i miss you. if and when you see, can we actually fix things? go back to being good? liking one another and one another lives. cause a huge piece of me is gone now. -(burrito?)

i need you in my life. I will wait for you while you work on your mental health and I will wait how ever long you need. i love you so much more than i ever thought was possible, the night we broke up i cried so hard i puked and had to sleep downstairs. I can't see myself in this world without you. While I was at dinner with my aunt and her kids I had the thought of us not getting married and I had a panic attack in the bathroom of chilis dude. I need you in my life and i hope you still feel the same. I love you so much princess

we used to say the universe put us together on purpose. We used to laugh and talk about how if we were to break up the gods would kill us. You always told me we wouldnt have to worry about that because youd never leave me. it used to be something i thought about when i needed reassurance and was to scared to ask but now hurts so goddamn much rembering those conversations.

Seeing your photos hurts. Especially when I see photos of old facetimes when we were happy and photos of us laughing and joking around. I asked for selfies earlier not realizing how bad if hurt to see your face.

I haven't been able to listen to lucky people since we broke up. every love song i hear makes my heart break a little more, don't even get me started on the break up songs. Before you go came on in the car when i was with dad and then heather came on when i changed the radio station and it's just getting so hard to deal with but I'm trying to keep everything together for you.

I keep trying to make our conversations good and not boring or annoying because im so fucking scared youre going to leave me completly, you've already broken up with me I need you in my life

im dreading the day you decide to come back on this website and see all my messages. If you come here and you do see them just ignore them, this is the only place i have to express my feelings atm, ill talk to my dad and his gf when i go back to his house. that is if you even know these are for you and from me, who knows, maybe you'll think this is for another ireland. i hope you do.

youre always the first person i want to go to when im upset and right now im supposed to be asleep but im crying because everyone i thought would be here for me isnt. nobody will respond to me and i can't tell you. I'll take this over loosing you though. i don't care how much pain i go through, if it means i get to be with you ill do anything and everything. i love you so much

i need to hear your voice but i know it's going to hurt before it gets better. it's like going in for a big surgery, i know its going to hurt like hell but it'll also help me be at peace. it's been 4 days since i've heard your voice, i miss you so much

I should have went to sleep that night when you told me to. Maybe if I had you wouldnt have broken up with me

I keep coming on this website to check if you've written anything like you said you would. I'm gonna give up looking soon. That's one of the things that upset me when we we're dating to, you'd always say you would write me more paragaphs or letters and stuff like that and i'd be so happy but you never did it. I doubt you'll actually come on here and read all my messages so in the small chance you are reading this i want you to know i'm not mad, i just wish things were different. I will always love you

i think the worst part about this is i never got to physically be with you. i would do anything to be able to fall asleep with your head on my chest while holding you. I want to hear your breathing slowing down and your body relax into my arms as you fall asleep on my chest. I might not be able to ever have that now and the thought of that hurts so much

I didnt appreciate your love enough in the beginning. I took advantage of it and I didnt acknowledge it. Now I'd give anything to get that love back, I know I still have it but I miss when you could talk to me daily and we would talk constantly and we'd never run out of things to say. I miss us

You might not be mine anymore but I will always be yours no matter how much you've hurt me. It will never change, I will never stop being yours

you said we need to stop talking completly tonight. I want to do whats best for you but this hurts more than anything has ever hurt me in my entire life. you said we'll meet again but you and i both know we live 2,439 miles away. who knows i might just move up there just so we can have another chance. im going to miss you so fucking bad. I just have to keep telling myself you'll be home soon. i'll always love you

I've checked this website every single day just to see if you've written to me like you said you would. I doubt you ever will to be honest and im also pretty sure you'll never read these. There was a new massage that popped up when i searched my name and i got so excited thinking it was you until i seen it had a B after brianna

i keep using a green color for these messages because ik your favorite color is sage green but i seen our relationship as yellow. im going to start using yellow instead. i probably post on here too much but i dont really care anymore, this is the only way i can text you without texting you and theres a big chance you wont even read it.

i want to give up so bad. i've given up on school, having friends, a normal sleeping and eating schedule, having a good relationship with family, and getting a job. I just need to stick around so we can find each other again. I'm trying to find reasons other than that to stay but the list is short. please come home soon

i never got to hold your hand. i never got to hug you or kiss you or cuddle with you or wake up next to you. i never got to make you feel safe in my arms.

you found me at my worst. you made it better for a while but you left me worse than i was before. one day maybe you can come and make it better again in the future. until then i'll just keep writing on here to get my feelings out

I dont know if I hate you or if I hate that I still love you. You left me at my fucking worst and i know you dont love me anymore and you wouldnt do anything for me yet for some reason I'd still do anything for you. It's not fucking fair why do you get to move on and be happy but I'm still stuck in the same goddamn place I've been in since you broke up with me

Its not fair. You probably havent thought about me since you said I could follow you then blocked me again the next day. That was a fucking dick move you shouldnt have gotten my Hope up like that. I've rarely been mad at you but that made me so fucking angry. You shouldn't have gotten my hopes up like that just to crush them. Jesus at this point you probably hate me. Who the hell would leave someone they love when they know they're struggling that bad. My dad left my mom when she was struggling and my grandpa left my grandma when she started getting sick. I guess my family just has bad luck with dating, we always choose the worst people

I wanted to have a family with you. I wanted to have kids and pets. You ruined it, you left me when I needed you most. I want to hate you so bad but I cant because for some god forsaken reason I still love you

You said youd keep writing. Now I know why you told me you were untrustworthy when we were dating. I didnt believe you until now

I've been pushing Rachel away and distancing myself from her. Ik its working bc she changed her phone password and wouldn't tell me it then she signed me out of her google account. Soon I'm not going to have anyone. Its okay though because that just means I can't keep being a burden to people and I won't bother them with my problems anymore

I finally got the courage to take your Christmas presents out of the box. I'm burning the candle, I gave the rocks to bubby, I'm just gonna keep the skirt and thigh garders and I ate the candy. And I'm gonna burn the poems I was writing down for you, I have a paper bag of letters and poems I was writing for you and I'm just going to burn them all so I dont have to keep looking at them

I keep telling myself I dont get any messages from you because you put them under the name bri instead of brianna because when you search up the name bri the page glitches and dosent show anything. I know the reason I dont get messages from you is bc you dont send them like you said you would but it makes me feel better knowing theres a small chance I dont see them bc of the website and not bc you dont write them

I hope it was you that posted the most recent one with my name. It was blue so I'm not sure but I'm gonna pretend it was you to ease my mind for a little while

I dont know what's going on with me. One minute I'll be angry or when I look at your photos I wont feel anything but other times I think of you and it feels like my heart is rebreaking and I look at your photos and I break down. I know I dont hate you, I never will. Sometimes convincing myself that I hate you is easier than dealing with the pain of me loving you. I do love you though. I love you more than anything and anyone in this entire universe

I bleached my hair again and I'm getting it cut tomorrow. I'm also going to get a septum piercing monday, moms gonna set an appointment up for the peirceing tomorrow. I wish I could have told you and seen your face as I told you I finally got the peirceing I've wanted for almost a year. You're still the first person I want to tell when stuff happens

You matter more to me than I matter to you. I tried to fix things so much and I sacrificed so much for you but it still wasnt enough. I know you tried to but I feel like if you actually wanted things to fix and you wanted to stay together you would have kept trying. You would have keep going though all the pain and ik its tiring and it hurt but if you actually wanted it youd push through it. God knows I tried, fuck I kept trying after you broke up with me. I fucking begged for you to stay and work things out. You promised me youd always be here for me but now i cant talk to you at all. I would have put myself through so much more for you. I would let myself be constantly tired and miserable just so you can be happy, which honestly is what I'm doing now by not talking to you. I'll still always love you and be here for you even if you wont do the same for me.

i know i promised to stay alive but its getting so hard. right now the only person i can talk to is rachel and she dosent even help most of the time. Mom just told me i have to have all of my missing work done or i cant go to tennesee and i leave the day after tomorrow and i have 95 assignments i need to do. i just want to give up. you say that we're going to find each other again but i live 2,000 miles away from you and we cant talk. i wanted to wait for you and hold on in the small chance that we would meet again but i dont think i'll be able to much longer. If i do give up i know you don't read these messages anyways so i just wont tell you before. ill tell rachel not to tell you when i write a note and it wont matter because we don't talk anymore so you'll never go through that . I'll hold on for as long as i cant take it

ive barely been able to eat anything since you left me. for the past few weeks the most I've been able to eat in a day is 2 burgers and even then I feel so nauseous i almost puke. everytime I think of you I get so sad I get nauseous and it doesn't go away until I'm able to distract myself from you

this has felt like the longest month ive ever been through. next month will probably be even worse bc your birthday and valentines day. why cant i just move on

you were the one person i trusted not to hurt me. I told you things i would never tell anyone else bc i fucking trusted you. that was the worst mistake i've ever made

why are you doing this to yourself. pretending you’re okay. you can’t even delete the pictures of him off your phone. but you can’t look at them without crying. you’re a mess.

I’m better. I got better. I wish you’d give me the chance to prove it

I start my big girl job in a few weeks. I graduated early too. I miss you