Unsent messages to COURTNEY

18 agonizing months, I waited for you. For nothing but pain. You're carrying his baby now. I was nothing to you but a cheap fuck and attention. Fuck, it hurts so bad.

Seeing you married, to a man, hurts in a way I cannot explain. I wonder if you ever think back on our sapphic love.

You hurt me and a part of me will never forgive you for that. It seemed like you threw it all away so easily and that was so fucking shitty of you. And speaking of shitty you made me feel not like enough a lot and I thought that was just what relationships did.
I hope your future partners feel the same hurt I did

I care about you more than I’ve ever cared about someone. I love you so much and God I wish I could tell you that.

I want the best for you and I know that I’m not the friend you deserve or should want but I really wish I was again cause fuck I miss you and I’m really struggling

I’m drowning. I need you to help me but I can’t reach out to you, my heads telling me the worst things about myself and what to do and I don’t know how much longer I can ignore them.

I love you. I know I'll never be your first choice and that's okay, there are so many other people you could have, you could want. I don't blame you for not feeling the same. But if you don't like me, stop leading me on.

your curls, glasses, smile, laugh still make my heart flutter every time I see you. but you're not mine and I can never have u

I know you don’t know it, but I would’ve killed myself if it wasn’t for you. Thank you for showing me the beauty of life and that I deserve to be loved.

I was there for you always. I stood up for you, I protected you, and I checked in on you. And in return, I got absolutely nothing.

hey this is part 2 sorry not sorry xoxo gossip gril
bro im so over life like fuck school and shit im so over it its just a bother to get up at 8am ish every fucking day like god damn, is sunday even a fucking this like can the weekend please be longer its uneven and makes me sad saugfuasgfiusegfiupsgefpiugsefpiugwefpiugwefipugwepifugeqwipuf god part 2 of a lot from ........

im only writing this because i feel like i should since you were the first person that i thought of when i thought “first love.” i don’t know if what we had was love, and i know i wouldn’t go back and do it again, and i know i definitely don’t love you now. every time i see you i think of how much i dislike you because of what happened to us. i think of when you posted to your story covering up the whole thing. i think about the fact that you never said you loved me. i think about all that, even though megan says you’ve changed, i don’t think i can look at you in a positive way again because of that weird hell of a relationship we had. i was obsessed with you then, and you barely seemed to care. it’s fine though, i’m not mad at you for it, i just can’t force myself to forgive you. i wish i could. megan obviously could. and now she’s left me too. take care of her i guess.

ur probably literally never gonna see this and i don’t think i even want you to but. even though you’ve probably changed i can’t bring myself to stop disliking you for what happened. it’s not like i even remember it that well i just remember what we had wasn’t that great and it was pretty toxic for me. i don’t know what i’m trying to say here but i guess i feel like i should write this because you were the first person that came into my head when i had the option to do this. so, “kitty,” what we had wasn’t great, but you know, it was fun while it lasted. i wouldn’t want you back now but i hope you’re doing well.
-“fishy”

i think i loved you. but we were so young and i was confused. i denied it with everything in me. i pushed you away bc you deserve a million times better. stay you.

I miss the nights we spent together, the hours in each others company with the dulled sound from the screen between us. I opened up and you took advantage of that, now I'll never know who to trust with the deepest parts of myself.