why. why did you do this. why the fuck did you do this to me. I'm sorry. ik I messed up. i messed up multiple times and i really am sorry. im sorry why cant you just fucking forgive me. you did shit too. by making me jealous on fucking purpose you fucking bitch. you did it on god damn purpose. why? what'd you get out of it? self worth? fuck you. fuckyoufuckyoufuckyou. i hate you with my guts. but I also want you back. you made me feel something I've never felt towards anyone else before. I dont get it. I really don't. why do I want you so badly knowing it just never works out between us. every single god damn time. was it me? was i the reason all this shit happened? god fuck I'm sorry. dont you understand that?? do I even love you? or do i just like that affection and comfort you gave me. shit idk why I'm like this. i really wish i could've been better for you. i doubt you'll ever see this, or even know who the hell is writing this. but, i just want you to know that i want you back. or maybe I dont. idk. I wish I did but I really just dont.

fuck you for leaving like that.i can't tell if you care at all. I'm still waiting for you to say something and I don't know if you ever will. I hate you so much for making me like you and then saying that. I just want to forget ab you but I can't bc I want our friendgroup back. fuck. I just want what we had before back. I'm fucking sorry for being a bitch ok. I'm sorry. fuck you.

all you had to do was pick me. but you chose her, and I will never feel the same way about you again.

I wish I was enough for you to keep trying. to want to stay. to not leave me like all the others that weren’t nearly as sweet as you. Maybe someday someone will make the mistake of choosing me, but I wish it would be you.

you shouldn’t have made me believe that you wanted to be with me if you were just going to get tired of me, because thats exactly what I was afraid was going to happen and you knew that. I just wish I could’ve been enough for you to stick around longer...

youre a bitch. my "history" is none of your business. if i could go back in time this summer would have never happened.

You give me butterflies everytime you speak to me. Yet it hurts just as much when you call me merely a friend. But, I understand. I just want you happy.

I realize now that I was always more committed to us staying friends then you were and it hurts even worse to know how easily you'd use me to get to her

The silence felt comfortable. The rain made me miss you more. Yet, we sat on that phone call, listening to your music until you fell asleep and I left you a goodnight text. I’ve never felt so calm on a phone call. It was nice. We should do it more often. I miss you. I miss your hugs. I miss everything about you. But I don’t want to get melancholic tonight, you’re making me smile too much.

You'll be okay. This is gonna suck for a while and its not your fault. But youll be okay and better off in the long run :)

i feel like when we finally meet irl i won’t be able to stop kissing you. you’re so beautiful it hurts my heart. i wish you could see yourself in my eyes pretty boy. i just want take away all the sadness you have inside you. i’d wait the rest of my life to see you. :)

I fell back in again, a little bit. I know it's ridiculous. But hearing about your life and your ambitions made me miss you so much. You are so talented and creative and I wish I still knew you like I used to. I love you always, even if not exactly IN love with you, and I hope someday we can create beautiful things together again.

what am i doing wrong. am i not pretty enough. am i not skinny enough. what is it, what is it that makes you not want me. why can’t i be your first choice.

i hate the idea that some of these could be about you, especially when they end w the letter of your last name or are the color of your eyes. it’s funny how my heart jerks with a gross jealousy when these cards speak of their augusts and how they love them despite how awful they- or you- treated them. as if apathy is my only indicator of u now. you were never my type until u fabricated ur personality - the persona u immersed urself in- and u became my first love. you never deserved me or my body or my validation. i loved you for too long, and it is hard to rip myself away from ur existence despite me knowing u don’t give a fuck about mine. never did. i loved you, august. not anymore. i hope u get better. or maybe stay worse - but at the beginning so it’s obvious and u don’t hurt anyone else with how great you are at pretending to be a normal person w real actual empathy. you are so good at faking it that my heart hurts and i am seeing in third person again. did u know i used to say that if anyone in the whole world deserved happiness, it was you? it is a waste of my time to wish i was wrong, but i can’t help but think it would’ve been so lovely to be right

we didn't get the ending i wanted. but don't be mistaken. the ending i wanted was one final fight. one final chance for me to yell at you. to tell you every single way you managed to hurt me. the way you managed to hurt my friends, too. i wanted to tell you all of that. i wanted to get it off my chest and then never ever see you again.

instead, you just faded out. one day you disappeared from my life and i haven't seen you since. i should be excited to never have to see your face again. to move on to people who actually love me. yet, part of me wants more than just your absence. i want to be the one to drive you away. i want you to leave knowing how horrible you are. and for that, i might be a bad person. i don't care anymore. because the truth is, i didn't care how much you hurt me at first. none of that mattered until you hurt her. then, i knew i wanted you out. you better hope i never see you again.

fuck off.

I know you’ll never see this i’m pretty sure i fell in love with you without ever properly meeting you.

I’ll wait for you no matter how long it takes

I'm trying, I love you. I'm sorry I'm so messed up

Your parents pretend you never existed because you were gay. I remember you.

I really love you i wish you now how i am really feeling:)

you are my world. i couldn’t imagine a day without you

i wish you would have thought about my feelings when you did that.

I know you’ll never get over me

i'm sorry i never explained

its ok if u dont want to come back, but i hope u know he never hated u. hope ur doing well friend

I’m okay with you moving on now. I’ve immortalized you in my heart.

I wonder if everything reminds you of me, too.

I love you so much.

Am I hurting you?

I hope you change. I wish you changed for me. If you do, come back, please.

sometimes i really miss you, and our conversations. you made my heart happy

i miss you

You broke me completely and I still miss you every single day.

I’m sorry I left without saying anything.

I did it for the sake of “love”

i love you. i always will. i think about you every day

i've been distant because what's close to me is dying. i hope you understand. i do care.

you will never know how much these three years have meant to me. thank you

what did I do that made u overwhelmed? u abandoned me. how could u when that’s your biggest fear?

everyday i wonder what if i married you instead of him. i just think of how much happier i'd be

i think about u more than u will ever realize

I'm sorry we didn't talk for so long after it ended, please know it wasn't your fault, darling

I still miss you. I miss your sweet smile. I miss talking to you about our dreams every day.

you’re my best friend in the world. i’m so sorry i hate myself more than i love you

How could you forget me? I loved you so much.

i have said some really horrible things about you out of concern and I take it back. im so sorry.

u mean the world to me I miss the sound of your laughter, ily my sweet gentle boy
u are everything????

I really am sorry for everything but I just didn't feel ready for us. I miss you.

I wish I could reach out to you, but I fear it would just make you feel worse.

Maybe in another universe it'll be us against the world

I love you, and I still write you poems