Unsent messages to ATTICUS

i guess i ruined kiri for you
i guess you ruined kiri for me too
did you know you have the same scar as him?
i realized that today
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I know you didn't like All the Bright Places
the movie kinda sucks
the book is still okay
it just reminds me of cutting out all the bad words and leaving the pretty words left
you're a pretty word
"ethereal" doesn't seem enough anymore
oh well
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Howl's Moving Castle is really good
so is Ponyo
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I'm always scared to watch anime on Hulu because I still have yours.
I mean you haven't said anything which i guess obviously you wouldn't directly but you could always say something to Logan.
Whenever I can see you watching something it's like i forget that you've said things
things that have hurt. i forget about that a lot actually.
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i realized all i want to do is talk about anime with you.
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I realized i won't be able to trust you ever again. no matter how much i want you to acknowledge my presence, i know its better that you don't.
for some reason ever since new years i can't stop thinking about you and everything.
it's actually really draining but i just can't seem to stop.
i miss you.
i almost wrote another song about you and i had to stop myself lmao.
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being left by 3 people you really care about hurts.
and it sucks that i still care about you three.
i have no idea why
i just do
i want you to get your shit together too
and i feel useless
i was just dropped in the mud and then had a blizzard of things told to me and ever since, i don't know what to believe or how to feel.
and i think apart of me just wants you to tell me how to feel.
cause i really don't know. and that sucks.
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okay that enough paragraphs.
i told you i could write whole books to you.
guess you didn't believe me
also
"Hug all Your Friends" by Cavetown
its us i guess
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-someone with complicated feelings-
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i miss you dearly. i always hear about people finding platonic soulmates, and i genuinely believe you were mine. i miss seeing your eyes scrunch up when you smile that smile which makes you glow, my angel. i miss your laugh, it was so fucking ugly but it was so perfect to me. i miss you doing your lil dance, or when you'd grab my hands and force me to dance with you. i miss laying with you, playing with your hair and drawing lil pictures on your back. its a shame that life happened and you felt the need to do what you did, but i forgive you. i miss you greatly, and i hope you're doing well up there and getting all the guys, i love u my atti

waking up to your voice on the phone in the morning was the only thing keeping me going. why did i mess everything up.

waking up to your voice on the phone in the morning was the only thing keeping me going. why did i mess everything up.