Unsent messages to TAYTE

Give me just one more day and I promise things will change for the better. I still love you like I always have and I want to risk it. Mm

I don’t wanna push you away. I still think about those hugs. Those kisses. Sitting in bed me laying on ur lap with a broken ankle. You sleeping on the floor no matter how hard I tried to convince you to sleep on my bed and let me sleep on the ground next to the pumpkin.

I liked that last night. I miss those hugs and that little attitude u give when u don’t wanna admit my jokes are funny. How was today. Also did u watch that Netflix show I told u about yet haha

I didn’t want to leave tayte. I really didn’t. I wanted to stay and watch a movie and fall asleep and kiss you all over. I can’t right now and that truly breaks my heart. It hurt to see you cry and I thought about everything we’ve been through to end up in the same place is truly rare. Don’t think for a second I think about you as just a girl. You’re a special person who still very much has a part of my heart.

Hope about we can hangout and read em. Don’t leave ur house unlocked for that haha. And I appreciate everything you did for me I hope you know that

I don’t want you to go I’m just stuck. I miss everything so much and I wanna read those letters so bad. I miss it all

I’m just struggling rn. I don’t know what to do and I hope you know I always cared about you. I still miss the sound of ur laugh. And how absolutely terrible you were as a pong partner

I’m not an interesting individual haha. I still miss when u were grumpy and you’d come over and sit next to me and put ur head on my shoulder and you’d have the pouty face and I’d have to tell you to be nice. I miss those times

I have got nothing worth staring at. That’s a promise haha. Except my ass. It has low key disappeared and I’m deeply sad about it haha

Ok first of I can absolutely dance. I got hips that cannot lie. My dump truck for an ass shakin everywhere and in fact there is not anything to look at if I’m honest.

You couldn’t hide the looks even if you tried. I can see through it all there bud. And I only talk in my sleep because I’m chatty and the snoring is revenge because you snore too.

First off. I have never snored in your ear second I never talk in my sleep and I’m still better at looking at you all sneaky like mm

First off. I have never snored in your ear second I never talk in my sleep and I’m still better at looking at you all sneaky like mm

I thought u hated how much I snore when I sleep haha it felt nice to go to sleep with u on FaceTime. I saw the side eye look while u were writing U still ain’t that sneaky mm

I knew you loved me like I loved you and the only time I thought u loved me like a friend was when we were texting after we broke up and that’s what you told me. I knew In my heart that you cared about me but you were struggling so I thought that if I wasn’t there it would be less stressful and you would feel free to be open and be better. Even standing in that shower with you crying I still loved you. Nothing you could have said would have scared me away. It was hard in July to be ignored but I new you never meant to hurt me but needed to protect yourself. Mm

I love you tayte. I can’t tell you how hard it was to hear you tell me that we’ll never be more than friends. That you loved me like a friend and nothing more. I wanted nothing more than to reunite but knowing that you never felt the same way was hard. I still care about you but I also wanted you when U didn’t want me. I want to end our pain but I just don’t know how. I still think about you and see the pictures I took of us in my phone and see your face and wish i could always hold you and make you feel important. MM

I’ve made my share of mistakes and missteps. I’m no better than you. You don’t always choose wrong tayte. You just learn some lessons the harder way but that can’t be helped. There’s a lot of bad people but there is also a lot of good ones. Don’t be afraid to find out. Closing yourself off because you might pick wrong isn’t the person I know. You’re an incredible person and I want you to be as happy as can be tayte. I always want the best for you. Be kind to yourself and live life. MM

I don’t want this to end just yet and I think that we gotta learn to be kind to ourselves. We shouldn’t put that pressure on us that I think we both do when we remember our relationship. I still love you tayte and I know that we will find each other again and I promise there is still time for us. Take care of yourself tayte if not for your own sake but mine as well. I hate seeing you beat yourself up and settle for things just because u think that’s the best you can do because I promise it isn’t. You’ll soar in the clouds and I just gotta find my wings again and I’ll join you up there and make plenty of more memories and adventures await us. MM

Don’t worry about waiting up for me tayte. Move on a live you’re life like you want to. Be the person we all know you can be. I’ll admire the amazing and kind person you will be. Don’t worry about waiting for me. I’ll catch up one day. Take care of yourself tayte and you’re never alone. MM

I know those nights aren’t enough. They weren’t enough for me either. I can’t wait to get more of them and wake up again and again next to you as I loved every second of them.

I miss you a lot and I’d really like a hug and to hold you’re hands and sleep you next to you and make you feel safe and loved like you should be. Until then taytertot. I still love you MM

I’ll always be there for you. I miss you everyday and I just wanted to hold you all night when I hugged out. I wanted to annoy you and hear ur sassy remarks and telling me it’ll be fine like I was an annoyed puppy. I miss the cats that clearly liked me the most snd you’re someone I know I’ll have in the future. MM

I know this story isn’t over and the ending is what we choose it to be. In 2 years or maybe a decade or whenever. We will find each other again and will sit on a bed and think about our times together and choose to move foreward and make more memories together and be who I know we can be together. Don’t loose hope there tayte. It isn’t over just yet and the next hug I give you will be one that lasts a lifetime I promise. MM

I love you still. I think I got worried after our relationship was over that you had cheated or something because I couldn’t imagine being in a relationship with someone so hot. So kinda and truly out of my league and for you to not have I thought was impossible. I’m sorry tayte I know you never did do that. That’s not the person you are. My favorite memory was actually a really stressful one. It’s was in December and you were snap chatting me when u were outside the dorm hall in the cold smoking. You didn’t say anything but I knew I should come right away. I just sat there and enjoyed your presence. We went back to the room and sorted skittles for an hour or so and then fell asleep. That night I think I truly did help you and make you be better and that’s something I’ll never forget. Take care of yourself tayte and just know the book isn’t done yet so don’t ever forget it. MM

I had to be mean in order to feel ok. I had to feel like you wanting someone else even after we broke up somehow made you a bad person instead of looking at myself. I couldn’t get over you so how could you get over me. That was wrong and I know that. I lashed out and tried to make myself feel better by making you the villain you never were. Tayte I’ve done things if regretted in my life but that is at the top of my list and if I could take it back I absolutely would have. You are not icarus, you didn’t fly too high. You dreamed of what was possible and that scared you so you had to move away from that. I will never fault you for fearing something like that and I will always be here right next to you supporting you in whatever way I can. I hope you know it isn’t too late. I still told you back in august or whenever it was that what happened in July isn’t the final chapter in this book and I hope to one day pick up the pen and continue on. Until then tayte rod. Just know the book is open and waiting to hear more stories.

I miss sitting in that shitty dorm bed. You yelling at me that I shouldn’t walk on a broken ankle. Me obviously not listening and doing it anyway. You empowered me to live a better life and I know you meant well and just couldn’t be the person you wanted to be. I’m forever grateful for the time we shared and although the pictures and book aren’t here they are something I cherish everyday. Nobody has done anything like that for me and although there were bad times we also had good ones. I miss the late night FaceTimes and the sound of your laugh. You appreciated my shitty jokes and smart ass remarks. Hearing you tell me to be nice whenever I was just a little too mean in a voice I still remember . I hope you learn to forgive yourself and allow yourself to improve and be the amazing and kind person I know you are at heart. That I am truly jealous of. TR❤️

That stuff I said In the moment I meant it. But I don’t mean it now. I loved you so much and for so long I was mad. Mad that we weren’t together. Mad that I wasn’t the person you wanted. I know it was unhealthy. I still love you taytertot. You meant everything to me and someone like you comes rarely to many people and you made an impact on my life in ways not many will know. You did hurt me and I hurt you. I wish I could take back the things I said. I wish I hadn’t burned that book but knowing how happy you were when we started and looking as it slowly went downhill. That broke my heart and I couldn’t count how many times I cried looking at that book and pictures. You were and always will be important to me. I love you Tayte Rodriguez.

That stuff I said In the moment I meant it. But I don’t mean it now. I loved you so much and for so long I was mad. Mad that we weren’t together. Mad that I wasn’t the person you wanted. I know it was unhealthy. I still love you taytertot. You meant everything to me and someone like you comes rarely to many people and you made an impact on my life in ways not many will know. You did hurt me and I hurt you. I wish I could take back the things I said. I wish I hadn’t burned that book but knowing how happy you were when we started and looking as it slowly went downhill. That broke my heart and I couldn’t count how many times I cried looking at that book and pictures. You were and always will be important to me. I love you Tayte Rodriguez.

Why is it so hard for me to leave you out of my life. Why do I still feel this need to have some connection to you when all it leads to is issues with my girlfriend and fucked up emotions due to you being an asshole. God this is infuriating. My regret is that we started dating because I could have never been in this position.

I burned the book and Polaroids last night. I feel free. I feel better I guess. I still care about you but I don’t feel I owe you and that I should hurt myself for you.

I wanna know if u feel anything for me anymore. It seems every time I see u and talk to you it hurts more and more. I just wanna know if I ever have a shot again or should I just cut loose and move on.

God I miss you. You’re the one I want and I wish I could hold you at night. You were beautiful in every way in my eyes. You were the person I wanted everyday and night. I think about you constantly. I still love you tayte. I miss you and us. I loved dating the mildly scary and intelligent Latina woman you are. One day I’m going to put a ring on your finger but until then know I love you

God I miss you. You’re the one I want and I wish I could hold you at night. You were beautiful in every way in my eyes. You were the person I wanted everyday and night. I think about you constantly. I still love you tayte. I miss you and us. I loved dating the mildly scary and intelligent Latina woman you are. One day I’m going to put a ring on your finger but until then know I love you.