Unsent messages to SOREN

i love you so much you could never even know

I wish I told you that you hurt my feelings

All i ever wanted was you... why didn’t you want me? I would have done anything for you, why didn’t you want me? You picked everyone but me. What’s wrong with me? I did all you asked. Why didn’t you want what I wanted? What’s wrong with me? I moved on and made myself forget the burning love i felt for you and now you want me maybe not in the same way I wanted you but now u want to call and have the deep conversations i begged for... you can see that i don't need you... right? I’m happier alone i had amazing feelings of fuchsia and now when i think of you i feel grey and alone. Why didn’t you want me? Was i not enough? Was i too fat or too short what was it? I would stay up waiting for your name to be on my screen and now when i see it i wish it wasn’t there. Why must you do this? Whats wrong with you? Whats fucking wrong with you?

All this time has passed and still you’re the only person I could want. And I fucking hate it more than anything. I wonder if I linger in any of the albums we listened to that you’ll show her now. I wonder if the shape of my voice is reminiscent in any of the melodies.

- Please don’t forget me. Or maybe you will. And I’ll just have to be okay with that.

I think you're simply incredible even though i dont know you very well it feels...different. I hope I am not being irrational or dramatic and you feel the same.

i still know all the lyrics to alohaha, even a year later. we never did get to coast down the cascade lakes highway at sunset with it playing while softly singing along about broken hearts and metaphors of flowers, but i think it's probably for the best. too many painful memories already

WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME PLEASE JUST TELL ME AND STOP PLAYING STUPID MIND GAMES WITH ME you're making this harder than it needs to be for both of us.

i would’ve waited for you but you broke me. i miss you but i know i can never take you back. i’m sorry.

You were the only one there for me and the only one who cared. You held me when I wanted no one else to touch me. You healed the wounds I inflicted upon myself. You kept me alive when I wanted to die. Thank you. One day I want to see your beautiful brown and blue eyes, I will never give up, I will find you one day. My wolf, my dragon, my tiger. Are you there? -petra/queen/firebird

I'll never forget how it felt to watch you cry. It's a pain that's deeply ingrained in me now. I'll love you forever. I'm sorry.

You thought you were a sociopath, but you were just a pathetic incel who chased a girl who didn’t love him.