The other day, you said you loved me for the first time and I said it back. I have loved you since day 1. Since you sat in the shower with me while I cried, since you drove to my house at 11pm just to see me, since every sleepover we've had. You are my best friend and I can't wait to make so many adorably dumb memories with you, cutie, Xx.

I cant listen to Clairo anymore bc she reminds me of you, when you told me 4ever was your favorite song. (p3

I just wish you would text me and we could be together again. sry this is so long. I miss you so much (p4)

1 year ago today was the last time I saw you alive and healthy and it breaks my heart. I miss you and love you so so much❤️

Ojalá hubiera podido darme cuenta de que la relación se estaba hundiendo, realmente te amo y me da igual volver contigo, volvería mil veces si hace falta, pq te amo pero sé que tú ya me olvidaste...

You forced me to fall in love with you then refused to love me back. It made me think not being loved was normal.

it's been almost 2 months since we broke up and you still have not left my mind. i think about you so much that sometimes i feel guilty, like maybe i shouldn't be thinking about you because we're not together anymore. but i still do. i wonder about how you're feeling and what you're doing and if you've moved on and if you're happy. sometimes i pretend we're still together because the reality of us not being is so fucking painful. i reread our old letters and act like they're not old. i miss you so much sometimes i don't even know what to do with myself. there's still so many things i want to tell you and so many questions i wanna ask. i miss our questions and our long conversations and everything about you. i look for you in everyone and everything but no one is you. i'd give anything to talk to you again. and a lot of the time, i wonder if you feel that way too. i know you're not coming back but deep down i'm constantly hoping you will. every time i get a text i hope it's from you. maybe that's pathetic and embarrassing but i just can't stop myself. some days it feels like i'll always be waiting for you to come back. and it hurts so much. but besides all that depressing shit, i hope you are happy. and i truly mean it. you deserve so so much happiness. i hope life is gentle with you and that maybe one day we end up meeting in a little coffee shop or maybe somewhere in europe. i'll always be here for you. take care

there have been so many of these that i've typed and then discarded because i dont know how to put it in words or even if you care about me in that way anymore. (also im so sick right now and im not sure if my mind is working.) but nat you are still the love of my life, every time i see a message from you or get on a call, i feel butterflies. i check my phone 10 times a day just to see if u texted. i think about you constantly. i daydream about things that we could have still done if i werent 12,500 km away. you are the single most special person in the entire world and u deserve every bit of love and happiness. the only thing im worried about is that im not able to make u as happy as other guys can. ive said this to you countless times but every day i woke up in bh i would think, how can i make nat happy today? that is the 100% truth. i love seeing you smile and i genuinely want u to feel like the beautiful girl you are. and when i say beautiful i mean it in the truest sense. some girls are hot but they dont have a personality. you nat, are hot but you also have a personality that is unmatched by anyone ive talked to before. so when i say youre beautiful i mean in every sense of who u are. 'cute' doesnt even cover it enough.

if another guy in bh is making u happier, its a bittersweet feeling for me. on one hand, its sad to see ur love go to someone else, but on the other hand that man has the privilege of making the most adorable girl in bahrain happy.

sorry i droned on and on and some parts are kinda cringey but at the end of the day thats how i feel. i really wish there were some magic words i could say that would make u understand how deeply i care for u.

p.s this marks one month since the rooftop

i don't know if you will see this, but i saw your message on here. i knew it had to be you. there's a thousand things i want to say but i really just want you to know that you're not a burden. you are one of the greatest people i've ever met and i usually wouldn't say that about anyone. you are so special and you have so much to offer this world and i really hope you see that. we may never meet again in this life but i don't think i'll ever forget you. you deserve so much more than you'll ever know. i hope you find someone to love and confide in and that they bring you nothing but complete happiness. also, i'd like to think that in some parallel universe far away there's a version of us with a tiny lavender cafe somewhere in europe that has fake succulents and maybe even highland cattle and a little garden. but maybe it exists in our next life too. you'll always have a place in my heart, take care.

i never thought anybody would love me the way you do and so wholly and fully. you make me feel so comfortable and loved and cared for; it’ll be worth waiting for us to be able to see one another in person again, we’re staring at the same stars tonight and that makes me smile. i love you, nathalie. you’re far better than you give yourself credit for.

i want to be better for you. i wanna be a girlfriend you can be proud of, just like how proud i am to call you my girlfriend. i want a chance to stargaze with you and laugh at stupid shit and play video games and live in a cottage with you with a cow that we decide to call theresa may and a falcon that we call lil mamas. as well as a cat that i’ll probably name maggie thatcher. obviously not because we like those people at all, but because it would be incredibly funny to have people over and to address our pets by names of tory prime ministers who’s graves we would piss on. i will always love you, i promise

My first girl love, wow. Thank you, for changing my life and showing me who I really am. Even if you're probably straight, I am forever grateful for your impact on me. I like boys, and girls, and that's okay :)

I loved you and I think you wanted to love me but didn’t know how. I wonder a lot if things are different in another time and place. Don’t forget me, please.

and if something bad happens to me, how will it feel knowing you blocked me online for literally no reason just because you can’t handle that we broke up?

why is it easier for you to look at our memories together and associate them as bad just because we aren’t together anymore? i never gave so much of myself to someone in my life and you still pity yourself bc i finally did something for myself and ended the relationship.

i understand you need time to heal. but if your version of healing is dismissing our entire relationship and hating me just because it ended, i think you’ll find in a few years you did not heal all that much. i thought we were gonna be friends after this, but i don’t think you’re mature enough to let that happen, it’s just easier to act like I ruined your life.

the way you are handling things right now upsets me, but it reminds me of why the relationship would’ve never worked out in the end regardless of how it went down. you have a lot of growing up to do

i hate that you don't even care anymore, so i'm letting go too.

although i hurt you alot i still love u and think about u all the time, i hope all is well <3

i want everything we never had

let’s get ourselves a time turner, what do u say

I hate myself for still being in love with you & i know you feel the same way.

i love you more than anything ever in this entire world. i mean it. you’re my everything.

Y are you giving me mixed signals? Do you like me or am I overreacting? I think I like you Im scared

I just want to know that you’re okay. I miss you. Please come back.

I hope I haunt you. What you did to me will never change. I loved you and you ruined me.

I love you idiot and I wish I’d said that before you moved on.

I hope to be a better me before it’s to late. i hope no matter what we remain friends til the end

i wish i meant more to you

i miss you with every piece of my being

it’s getting a lot warmer now and that reminds me of you.

i wish i could live inside the what ifs. i’m sorry the reality is so messy

i'm mad, but i still miss you.

come home

I miss you so much I hate this Nat why did you have to leave me

you have been the greatest addition to my life & i am so grateful i get to call you my best friend

wish you would call

I wish you stayed.

it always comes back to you.

i love you but i never want to see you again

i would still pick you in a room full of people, i guess the first love never leaves you

I wish we could have a night like on my birthday again. I don't know why I can't move on

It’s been months and I still can’t even do the only thing I love without it reminding me of you

stop being silly and just text me, I miss you a lot. Im proud of you, keep achieving my pretty girl.

i hope u know i haven’t stop missing and thinking about u since it happened.

Pick your poison babe, I'm poison either way

I hate ending school on bad terms, but I know my worth and you don't deserve my forgiveness.

i miss u sm, haven't talked in 3 years. i still have that ramen shirt u gave me.

Always together, Never apart, Maybe in distance. But never by heart

N…

I’ll always love you Nat