sometimes i think back to small details, little false hopes that maybe you wanted me all along and settled for someone else when i wasnt staying with you. then i remember that against that one tiny hopeful seed was a frickin mountain of examples showing that seed was another or your lies and your manipulations. i am so glad i have learned to push those false hopes away because if you had wanted me you would have fought and waited.

You were supposedly my best friend. Why lie to me while I’ve been trying to put the pieces together? All I did was watch and wait, trying to make sense of it all. You didn't have to lie if things were different.

you must have been just the most amazing liar in the world to act so broken by the idea of losing me, so completely in love - after having cheated on me that very day, and the day before, and a flood of days after...