what have we become? a relationship so happy. so loving. now turned into a disaster. i've never been so afraid of the future. i'm afraid of everything. never been so sensitive. i don't cry. but somehow i cry every night when i'm with you. i want you. but the pain is unbearable. tearing me down every second of the day. i'm slowly dying. the spark is slowly dying. deep down i acknowledge this. but when i'm put face to face with you, i turn a blind eye and look the other way. i don't want us to die out. i'm fighting as much as i can to ignore everything. hopefully if i ignore everything, it'll all go away. like a nightmare. when does this nightmare end and when can i wake up?

i'm praying to god that everything i saw in your eyes the last time we saw each other, 6 months ago, wasn't a lie. i hope that all the reasons i'm fighting and staying for is real. i don't want to perceive you like this. its so hard because your words say one thing, but your actions say another. blue, the color of your blanket when we cuddled. that's your first hint.