Unsent messages to GRANT

I grieve backwards. I should have made it clear all you had to do was care 1 extra day. But would you have?

i think you are the only person i have ever imagined myself falling in love with. i'm so scared to lose you. please don't go.

i'll never understand where this all went wrong. had i known the last time i saw you would be the last time i would have cherished it more. you promised you wouldn't hurt me, but here i am with my heart bleeding out of my chest yearning for you to come back. i had so much hope for us. you opened my heart up to endless possibilities and i opened up to you about everything...and it was all for nothing. i hope you find yourself and we can come back together and both be happy. but until then i'll be here. i banana you. always.

i don't know what i was expecting from you. from the beginning you seemed emotionally unavailable. it's funny how i managed to get hurt anyway. i'm naively hoping for a text back from you. saying that you changed your mind and want to give it a go. i doubt it'll ever come. happy new years. i could use a fresh start.

i just found out that you knew that you were going to break up with me when we went to hoco. fuck you and i hope you treat sarah better than you did me

I had a crush on you for two years and never had the guts to tell you, but it doesn’t matter now because you’re in a different state.

i have so much to say to you, but when i try to talk i go blank because all the memories come flooding back.

I miss ya so and i’m so sorry. summer was so fun with you and I think about you all the time. I wish I told you all the things I said in my head.

We are past the point of romance, but I am forever thankful for the piece of a friendship that we have left. You taught me so much. Thank you

jk i hate u and never want u back. ur so toxic and u didn't mean anything cuz ur fine after weeks ur w someone else.

i’m having a rough time showing you i care because i’m scared you will think i’m too much. but i do, i care so much

do u still think about me? did you lose feelings? do u love me? I hate being just your best friend again.

i hope u know how much u mean to me. i’m regretting letting you go. i shouldve jus said we needed som time for space but i didn’t. i jus couldn’t handle it. i was too overwhelmed. i won’t forget how happy u made me. u stayed for so long and i realize that i will never find a person like u. i miss u and i love u with all my heart always

haha i thought i was in love w you, lets be honest u arent cute i just wanted to be able to say i had a bf!

I loved you with my whole being, my heart pumped for you when you swooped in and saved me from the horrors of the world and I cannot thank you enough for that. You were my everything and I can't believe you left, at the end of us I remember laying next to you after we had sex for the last time and you told me that you didn't want to do it again because you were using me. That night I knew that it was going to be the last time I saw you, and you held me as I tried to grasp the little things that were left. You called me 2 days later saying that you wanted to leave, and I fought like hell for you, for weeks. For months I would drive by your house and flip your car off, I couldn't stand seeing it knowing how many good memories we had in there. When I would get to Miller I would also see you and I was terrified, I would be violently shaking every time I saw your towering figure. You truly broke me, and I don't blame you. We weren't meant to be and that's okay. Know that I will always love you, even though we haven't talked since senior year. You really were my first love and it feels like I will never be able to shake you.

you are the first person i don’t feel panicked about having feelings for. i want this and i hope you do too

We only talked for a few weeks, but I’m having a harder time getting over you than my 5+ year relationship

Do you really think I’m a horrible person, or were you just scared of your feelings? I miss taking to you.

I’m sorry I broke your heart. I was scared. I still think about what we might have been. I was in such a bad place so you were better of without me. I hate that you hate me. I hope you don’t forget me .

I’m sorry I broke your heart. I was scared. I still think about what we might have been. I was in such a bad place so you were better of without me. I hate that you hate me. I hope you don’t forget me .

i wanna forget you but you’re hidden in the darkest corners of my brain. i cant make how much i love you go away.

i wanna forget you but you’re hidden in the darkest corners of my brain. i cant make how much i love you go away.

im very drawn to you, theres something here. i told you our souls would reconnect and they did. i love you.

i was someone different when we were dating. and i wonder how things would of turned out if i hadnt changed myself

you're the first person to make me feel worthy of being loved. i just wish you wanted me the same way i want you.

You’re still mine. And sometimes I cry at night because this lifetime isn’t long enough to spend with you.

It's been a bit more than a year. Thank you for everything. I know God will guide you, and bless you with someone who knows how to take care of you. I did think you were the one, not a day goes by that you don't cross my mind. You're never going to read this, but if by any chance you do, I just hope you finally realize how much I loved you.

i wish i never forgave you. it’s been 2 years and i still can’t talk to a guy without being scared. u broke me

i will always love you. you were my first love, i know we will find our way back to each other one day. i’m your biggest fan. i pray for you, i hope you’re happy. i love you sm baby

idk what’s worse- the fact that i don’t want to touch myself bc i’ll think of u, or that i can’t bc it will remind me of your touch

I miss you more than anything. i’m so so sorry for hurting you the way i did but i just wish you didn’t love her. i will always wish you the best tho, i love you f&a❤️

bro i can’t ride a bike that isn’t grounds for dumping me. we’re 19 and 20, you’d think we’d be better than that

i still think of you and i wish things didn’t happen the way they did. i loved you so much, but i always felt you didn’t feel the same. thank you for showing me how to love.

does your bed ever feel lonely without me in it? do you ever wish my cold feet were touching yours as we fell asleep smiling?

Do you remember when I told you that being loved by you was like coming up for air after being underwater for too long? Well I’m drowning again.

I think about you everyday, honey. I truly love your energy, and I can't wait for our future to play out.