I wish I had showered with you. I wish you knew how badly I wanted to wash your hair and finish kissing **all** your chest freckles...I would have had you sit on the little stool thing in the hotel shower or lean down after I asked *nicely* whether I could wash your beautiful, tousled wavy hair. I wish I’d kissed your eyelids and shoulders and back. Ever fiber in me was itching to keep showing you love. I’d end fantasizing about this for weeks and months to come. At the time I was so scared you’d find my body gross during post-nut clarity that I hid in sheets. I wish I could’ve done all the couple things with you. And that you still wanted to do them with me. Tqm my big spoon.

When you told me you moved on you sledgehammered my heart all over again. There are nice guys but I can’t let them in :(. I cried after forced conversations because they weren’t you. I miss my best friend. No one has your freckles :( or quirks or hair or laugh or smile or moxie or intelligence. If you ever visit this site you’d probably only write to the girl before me and never to me. Still, I love you. Though it feels like I will never be ready to date again at least I won’t hurt someone by using them as a rebound. When I’m ready...I am sure there is someone out there. I hope someday someone loves me enough to have me be their first choice.